Jets Fans Required To Sign NDA Before Leaving Stadium

[milestogo]

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—With security checkpoints having been set up near every exit, New York Jets fans were reportedly stopped and asked to sign nondisclosure agreements Sunday before leaving MetLife Stadium. “By signing this document, you are agreeing that you will never discuss the details of what happened on that field today with anyone outside of the venue,” said a legal representative for the Jets, adding that none of the tens of thousands of fans in attendance would be allowed to exit the premises unless they accepted the terms of the rigid confidentiality clause, agreeing never to mention the words “awful,” “embarrassing,” “loss,” or “Aaron Rodgers” during the offseason and in perpetuity thereafter.

“The results of this game are privileged information that can never get out to the general public without doing great harm to owners, players, and—frankly—you people, who have chosen to be fans of such a humiliating football team. So it’s for your benefit as well as ours that no one knows what happened here today. If any results of that pathetic display you just witnessed leak to the general public, rest assured you will all be held financially liable for any sports bloopers that may result.” At press time, the Federal Communications Commission had been served with an injunction to blur out the scores of televised Jets games for the remainder of the season.

https://theonion.com/jets-fans-required-to-sign-nda-before-leaving-stadium/

[newdeal2]

1. I'd ask for some hush money before signing anything

[Blue Owl]

27. Yup be sure to request the Rodgers Rate for a little extra to cover the pain and suffering

[Drum]

2. Lololol!

[rzemanfl]

3. The Saints needed that too, but they were on the road,

in Green Bay and The Onion moved from Wisconsin to New York.

[Sneederbunk]

4. Will the Jets be on a milk carton next?

[niyad]

5. I had to check the link!

[Dave Bowman]

7. Same here. These days weird news are everywhere.

[Oneear]

6. location of Grocery Stores using Brown Paper Bags close to the stadium

I would have a run-on with something to have a Brown Bag cut out some eyes, and The NFL needs not to allow teams with losing Records to raise ticket sales and Food & Drink Prices, and the Owner can not take any money but to spend on Players and Gym Food for the Team

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

8. I'm hoping many people refused to sign.

[efhmc]

20. Can they be required to do this and if so how?

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

30. Exactly. They are leaving the stadium

and someone wants them to sign and NDA now?

Yeah, right.

[Rebl2]

32. Can you

imagine requiring thousands of angry fans to sign NDA as they leave the stadium? I don’t think so.
No this didn’t, nor will this ever happen. 🤣

[Quiet Em]

9. They need to be sued for our pain and suffering.

[lindysalsagal]

10. Alright. You got me. You happy, now????

[boonecreek]

11. Almost got me!

[Backseat Driver]

19. When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way

from your first cigarette to your last dying day...

I claim fair use for all Jet fans...

[boonecreek]

23. How about

Lions and Vikings and Bears, oh no!

[bmichaelh]

12. Woody Johnson

The owner of Jets is a Trump supporter and was appointed by Trump as ambassador to UK during his first term but not the next term.

He has an ego and wants to be addressed as Ambassador.

[mike_c]

13. OMG that was well played....

Pun intended!

[Wounded Bear]

14. OK, that got a chuckle...

[flvegan]

15. Paying to view, in person, such an on-field atrocity such as the Jets

and then demanding I put in writing that I was guilty of same?

No thanks.

/s

Edited to add the /s, just in case.

[0rganism]

16. I actually felt relieved on seeing the onion link

I don't remember ever having that reaction to their material before.

We're headed to a very dark place indeed.

[AZ8theist]

17. DAMMIT!! THEY STOLE THAT IDEA FROM THE GIANTS!!!

All we ever got was a medium soda.......

[edbermac]

18. Agreed.

The Jints are way worse than the Jests.

[Initech]

21. It's seriously getting harder to tell satire from reality these days!

[lonely bird]

22. Ummm

The Browns would like a word.

Cleveland has only had a football team for 4 years since they were brought back as an expansion team.

[CatWoman]

24. LOL

[Xavier Breath]

25. Thanks for my laugh today.

[sakabatou]

26. *refuses to sign it due to no lawyer to represent and protect me*

[Blue Owl]

28. Jets, Nets, & Mets equals DEBTS

(pro gambling tip)

[usonian]

29. I immediately smelled onions. 🧅🧅🧅🧅🧅🧅

Nice.

[underpants]

31. 🏈 that's too funny.