in an attempt to soothe my soul (when i was a teenager) my mother used to say
"everything happens for a reason"
--to help me thru those angsty rollercoaster years of love and loss, of on again/off again friendships, relationships that ran hot and cold and some that were utterly devastating
it was said with the same intent as the phrase when one door closes another door opens
or look at it on the bright side
or every cloud has a silver lining
it was something my mom tried to offer me to give me hope that things will get better
"everything happens for a reason" (with the implication being that there was a good reason for the bad thing to happen but there is something better ahead)
(ah youth, right?)
while in the moment i was doubtful and skeptical i'd still try (sooner or later) to come around, wanting to believe her, to take it to heart in order to comfort myself thru the lows
then, at seventeen, a dear friend of mine, also seventeen, was murdered. (her killer was never caught btw)
that changed everything.
suddenly that consolation phrase of "everything happens for a reason" meant absolutely nothing
it felt like one big lie
after that, the next time my mom told me "everything happens for a reason" i yelled at her to never say that to me again. (and she never did.) i demanded to know what could possibly be the reason my friend had been brutally murdered; because some guy was mad at her or just mad at the world, or fucking crazy? i guess those are reasons but they aren't good reasons, justifiable reasons, rational reasons
there was no cloud with a silver lining. she was dead. dead, dead, dead
i broadened my perspective: the holocaust.
no good reason, no justifiable reason, nothing rational at all; crazy people, mad men, go along to get along "good" germans
there was no cloud with a silver lining
not a whisper. not a hint. not a bit.
and that horror and tragedy and devastation has lived on for generations
justice? maybe sometimes but there is no guarantee of it and it's not foolproof.
one word: trump
karma?
yeah...where is that? "what goes around comes around"
really? i don't think so.
one word: trump
i wish, i wish, i wish i was fourteen, fifteen, sixteen again with my mother telling me "everything happens for a reason" and i could assume it was a good reason, and, in spite of my skepticism, i would try with all my heart to believe what she said was true, that wrongs would be righted, that the universe was fair and just, that things would work out, and everything would be alright.
(god, i miss my mom. every day)
if you got this far then thanks for reading. i kept debating if i should just delete all this. i know it's a ramble and train of thought piece where i seem to jump the tracks a few times. sorry, i've been under the weather lately (good excuse, right?) (but true) and this was how my brain was gliding along tonight.
= new reply since forum marked as read
Best I can ascertain is that sometimes it appeared as if there was a good reason for many of life's little losses that were magnified through the lense of childhood & young adulthood only because something much worse occurred later that could potentially have been tied to the first disappointment.
I believe in my mother's case anyway, she picked up these lines of bs from religion, specifically the Catholic religion.
I actually heard a priest spew the when one door closes, another opens during funeral mass, if you can believe that. 
My advice is to take 2 fuckitalls & call in the morning. Lol
Do you now, and with a larger perspective, have some idea of what your Mom was trying to say with those words ..?
Or is it still pretty much just a pile of BS crap and party streamers .. ? Or, as they say - - "Turtles all the way down?"
(but .. either way ... Boy, can we all appreciate that 17 year old screaming out at her Mom - and the world ... With every justification in the world ... )
- - - - - - - 
- - - - - - - -
My heart goes out to you as you live through that dreadful, and enduring loss.
Grief is such a hard thing to be in. You don't get over it; you get used to it.
Sir Terry wrote fantasy — and he was a deeply wise observer of humanity and its condition. Please bear with me. I’m sorry for the long intro, but without it the quote from the book wouldn’t make as much sense.
On the Discworld, Death is an anthropomorphic personification. He speaks in all caps. He’s been around at least as long as humans have, and as humans have imagined him into being (skeleton, black robes, scythe) he has taken to wondering what we humans really are. He bears us no ill-will — he just has a job to do.
The Hogfather, rather like Santa in that he was once a midwinter solar god whose job description gradually changed into a bringer of gifts for children, drives a sleigh powered by 4 boars: Tusker, Snouter, Gouger, and Rooter. Children leave him pork pies, sherry, and turnips for the pigs. He disappears — he’s dead — the balance of belief is badly out of whack. Death takes up the job for the long Solstice night, and forbids his granddaughter Susan from interfering, knowing that she will. Part of the job can only be done by humans, and she is, mostly.
At the end of the book, the Hogfather has been saved. Susan, exhausted and furious, verbally savages her granddad — and here we come in, you and me and your Mom who loved you even when you were a heartbroken teenager who yelled at her.
🌜🌜🌜
“All right," said Susan. "I'm not stupid. You're saying humans need... fantasies to make life bearable."
REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.
"Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little—"
YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.
"So we can believe the big ones?"
YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.
“They're not the same at all!"
YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET—Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME...SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.
“Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what's the point—"
MY POINT EXACTLY.
🌛🌛🌛
Justice and Mercy and all the things our hearts are breaking for here at the end of December 2024 — we have to imagine them into being, we have to create them ourselves, we have to believe in them before they can become.
And to all a good night.
Be prepared for a long many-stranded story — And I hope you enjoy it as an intro to Pratchett’s Discworld.
