Secret Service Officer Accused Of Public Masturbation After Guarding Trump At Golf Tourney

[RandySF]

A Secret Service officer is accused of masturbating in front of guests at a Miami hotel after providing security for President Donald Trump at a golf tournament on Sunday, according to reports.

John Spillman was charged with indecent exposure, according to jail records.

He was placed on leave, CNBC reported.

“The alleged conduct is unacceptable and stands in stark contrast to the professionalism and integrity that I demand of our personnel,” Secret Service chief Richard Macauley of the uniformed division said in a statement to TMZ.




https://www.huffpost.com/entry/secret-service-john-spillman-indecent-exposure-masturbating_n_69f9ba0de4b0e719534e50ab

[Abolishinist]

1. Well, he can't be accused of not having stamina!

The guests then “saw the defendant masturbating next to their hotel room” and called security, who arrived to see him still in the act on the sixth floor, according to the station.

[FHRRK1]

22. Going for course record for strokes?

And not the golf record for strokes under par.

[betsuni]

2. I have to ignore this or spend the next half hour thinking up jokes.

[Orrex]

21. How could anyone joke about this?

[FHRRK1]

23. Ummm

How can you not

[scipan]

3. his name is John SPILLMAN???

[yellowcanine]

5. Yeah, you can't make that up!

[FHRRK1]

24. Lol

It would be even better if his middle name is Hugh

[magicarpet]

26. Well,... at least his last name was not,....

.... SQUIRT-MAN.

[LeftInTX]

4. Eww? What?

[kerry-is-my-prez]

6. That's what happens when you get rid of the good agents and replace with MAGA losers.

[Polybius]

7. Ok, let's break this down

What would cause a grown man with a very good government job to openly do this in front of guests? What was he thinking? Also, where exactly was this? Outside of his room? On the lobby? In his room with the door open?

[Walleye]

28. Because he was sure Trump would pardon him afterwards

So with these guys, it’s kind of like “why not?”

[Polybius]

36. Nah, it's not that, because you don't see other SS do it, or even crazy appointees

Otherwise, we'd be seeing it from Kash Patel and Kristi Noem on the White House lawn (imagine that?). He had to have seriously snapped. SS agents are given rigorous background checks. He's been a member for years too.

[Walleye]

37. I think you're right, maybe Trump is blaming him for the assassination attempts

[Orrex]

8. But can he hit the long ball?

[FHRRK1]

25. Problem is he gets a two stroke penalty

Because he was playing with two balls.

[Orrex]

30. Keep reading

[jmbar2]

31. You have already earned a place of honor on DU for jokes.

Such words from the mouth of a babe...

[Orrex]

9. That'll cost him two strokes.

[Orrex]

10. He should try choking up on the shaft

[Orrex]

11. He was let go because his performance was subpar

[Orrex]

12. I know a guy who did that so much that he got a hole in one

[Orrex]

13. I wonder if he was discharged prematurely

[Emile]

14. His name is John Squirtman.

[Orrex]

15. If charges are filed, they'll need some hard evidence

[Orrex]

16. Word is that his swing pulls to the right

[Volaris]

17. I love that TMZ put a 'field office' in DC...makes me very happy.

[Orrex]

18. Strange, because he usually peters out on the back nine

[Orrex]

19. He reached for a seven iron but pulled his putter instead

[jmbar2]

32. Dang, you're quick on the draw...

[purr-rat beauty]

20. Quick...

I'm trying to come up with something funny

What rhymes with glock?

[Efilroft Sul]

27. Instead of using a wood on his stroke, he used a stroke on his wood.

[Walleye]

29. Best one yet, you win

[Traildogbob]

33. Is there no bar too low

For expressing your unwavering Love for the Fat Orange pig? How close to beastiality is this?
Evilgelical Conservative Christian values on full display.
He must have slippery sloped right to this abuse of animals from watching Gay porn. They have always claimed this will be the outcome if WOKENESS goes unchecked.
Doctor Jesus will forgive him as long as he hates radical libs.
Is this what Trump means when he say’s he will “release the seamen” in the strait Whore Moose 🫎?

[FHRRK1]

34. I've heard he uses an alias when he checks in with the starter

“Here for my 10 AM, name is Solo, Hands Solo”

[yellow dahlia]

35. This is who sits at one of the highest security jobs in our country? It says a lot.

My first thought was what this says about the lack of professionalism in this regime.

But that doesn't mean I don't appreciate the abundance of creative jokes this evokes.