The three big bad wolves
Once upon a time there were three hungry big bad wolves. They drew lots, and the littlest big bad wolf won.
"Ok, what's for dinner, Little?" said the biggest wolf. "Don't say pork."
"Pork."
"That's hopeless," said the medium wolf. "The little pigs all moved into the brick house. It's checkmate."
"Follow me," said the littlest big bad wolf.
The wolves wended their way through the forest. Soon they came to the brick house.
The little wolf walked up to the right window.
"Little pig, little pig, let me come in!"
One of the three little pigs came to the right window. He was wearing a baseball cap and swigging a beer.
"You must be kidding," he laughed. "You're wolves. Note the brick house. Buzz off."
"We're not that hungry," said the little wolf. "If you let us in, we'll only eat the pig in the left room. I promise we'll stay away after that. You and the pig in the center room will be better off."
"Well, Ok," said the pig at the right window. "Just one pig, though. I need the center pig around. There's a lot of work keeping this place up. He does it all."
The right pig closed the window.
The little wolf next went to the left window and tapped on it. The wolves heard some bubbling coming from the room. Then coughing. Then a little pig wearing a bandana opened the window.
"What is it, man?" he said.
"My friends and I are pigs," said the littlest big bad wolf. He smiled broadly, dilated his pupils, then began to wag his tail. "Can we come in, please?"
"Sure," said the left pig. "Meet me at the door." The left pig closed his window.
"What was that?" Said the medium wolf. "Is that guy for real?"
"He knows we're not pigs. He's smart."
"But...we're going to eat him, right?"
"Yeah. He's cool with it. Circle of life, Marcus Aureli-something. I listened to his audio book." The little wolf used his paw to make the "it was over my head" gesture.
The three wolves went to the door and heard the lock beginning to open. The right and left pig began to quarrel.
"I'll get the door," said the right pig. 'It's, uh, some pigs I know."
"No, I'm getting the door," insisted the left pig. "It's some wolves who told me they're pigs."
The right pig turned away, suppressing a chuckle. Turning back to the left pig, he patted him on the shoulder. "You're right. Go ahead and open the door."
The door opened.
The left pig walked out, blinking. He petted and snuggled each wolf. Then he rolled out a big food bowl onto the lawn and climbed into it.
"Enjoy!" he said. "Can I get you some barbecue sauce? Sweet and sour?"
The wolves shook their heads and began to don their bibs. "That's Ok, said the medium wolf, glancing to the other two. We're good."
The right pig watched the events and laughed loudly. Suddenly, he came flying out of the door, a startled expression on his face, and he rolled into the food bowl. There was a dusty pig footprint near his tail, coincidentally smack in the center of his butt. The left and right pigs looked up at the wolves in amazement.
The brick house door slammed shut with a bang. A harpsichord began to play within.
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