I am going to start
but this is going to take awhile and I will need to update.
I am 76, my sister is 82. She is a retired professor of English specializing in Southern Literature. She has lived alone her adult life. She has never been more physically active than normal daily life. When she retired she moved to be close to my husband and me. We have a brother but he lives on Vancouver Island and has some health issues. We live in East TN.
Several months ago, I became aware that she was not paying her bills, not even opening her mail. I was already POA so I plowed through piles of paperwork to learn her finances. It was a lot. Put many bills on autopay and then learned about insurance and investments.
I took her car keys and she did not complain. I sent my POA paperwork everywhere needed.
I now pay her bills, monitor her investments and worry. I will say, she is financially secure. I do not worry about money.
Money has lost its meaning to her. She is content for me to handle everything.
On Memorial Day, she fell and broke her hip. She went to rehab and is now in assisted living they were generous to accept her, she is not independent enough. She has a caregiver who has been helping and will continue.
I sign paperwork, I make decisions. I am managing her life as well as that of my husband and mine.
This is a lot of work. I recommend people learn about someone's life before they are required to learn it quickly.
I jokingly said I would become a consultant. I could teach people what they need to know and do. I would charge $1000/ hr for this.
I now have to make sure her house and belongings are secure. It is something new every day.
stay tuned there will be updates. Thanks for listening.
= new reply since forum marked as read
about parents and siblings dumped by family.
Those of us who really love and like our siblings and their kids understand commitment. It’s a lifelong approach.
On the other hand, I try hard not to judge because a lot of folks reap what they sowed.
You are a good sister.
Family or neighbors…. Gotta watch out for each other.
We had a similar situation in my family, except for the fact that I'm the oldest of 9. So there are siblings to share the burden in my family. I'm 75 (oldest) and my next sister in line was diagnosed with fronto-temporal dementia when she was only in her mid- 40's. Her husband divorced her and gave her the house but not the kids, so she was on her own. This happened about 30 years ago, and my #2 sister was unable to take care of herself. Finances weren't an issue because her ex-husband still paid her support (even though it wasn't legally required). Long story short, my #3 sister gave up her job and social life in Pittsburgh, moved to New Jersey, and became the fulltime caregiver for the #2 sister. The other sibs tried to help out of course, but my #3 sister took on a huge responsibility. She's the only saint in our family, and every family needs a saint. May God bless you and keep you strong and healthy.
In the case of my #2 sister, her children were too young and the ex-husband walked away. So no one ever thinks it's going to happen to someone in their 40's. But it's always a tragedy at any age.
We think we have time to plan ahead....
She's lucky to have you but I hope you have a network of support, too!
