Trump Indicates Desire For Speedy End To World

[Zorro]

WASHINGTON—Stating that he hoped action in the region would draw to a close in the coming weeks, President Donald Trump made comments Wednesday indicating his desire for a speedy end to the entire world.

“We’re getting very close to meeting our objectives as we move toward winding down humanity’s presence on planet Earth,” Trump said during a press conference meant to address concerns over the world’s duration, adding that Americans didn’t want to get bogged down in a protracted existence with no clear end in sight.

“It was never the plan to continue having life go on forever. We’re gonna hit those 8 billion sons of bitches with everything we’ve got and achieve total annihilation for the American people. Frankly, if it weren’t for the Democrats and the fake news media coverage, we could have wrapped this world up and moved on to the void already.”

Trump went on to acknowledge that the GOP could face heavy midterm losses if the world was allowed to continue through November.

https://theonion.com/trump-indicates-desire-for-speedy-end-to-world/

[dalton99a]

1. The monster will never be happy even if there is an altar to him in every house on the planet.

[northoftheborder]

2. This is the most alarming statement yet from this erratic monster.

[kcoates]

3. This is satire. The onion.

[Wednesdays]

5. That it sounds so plausible is scary in itself!

[malaise]

4. In other words

He is dying and will gladly take everyone else with him.
Drop dead monster

[twodogsbarking]

6. Genghis Con vs.

Genghis Khan
While it’s impossible to know for sure how many people perished during the Mongol conquests, many historians put the number at somewhere around 40 million. Censuses from the Middle Ages show that the population of China plummeted by tens of millions during Khan’s lifetime, and scholars estimate that he may have killed a full three-fourths of modern-day Iran’s population during his war with the Khwarezmid Empire. All told, the Mongols’ attacks may have reduced the entire world population by as much as 11 percent.

[2na fisherman]

7. Some of His Xtian Fundie Supporters Actually Believe In Hastening The Rapture

This bit of satire seems plausible because Trump associates with wackos who really believe that the end of the world may get them into heaven.

[infullview]

8. It's really sad that I read half way through this

Before I figured out it was satire

[Bev54]

9. I have a strong desire for the end of HIS world too!

[Ponietz]

10. The Onion makes makes sense out of nonsense

Ruling to prevent victory in House, halt the new deal.
https://theonion.com/supreme-court-upholds-temporal-gerrymander-that-would-cost-democrats-1932-election

[Martin Eden]

11. "We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when"

Those are lyrics from the song played at the end of Dr. Strangelove, as nuclear explosions from the Doomsday Machine were ending life on Earth.

For those of us who grew up during the era of Mutually Assured Destruction, Stanley Kubric's 1964 masterpiece still resonates.

All it took was one madman to end the world -- or perhaps an insane civilization spending so much time and effort to build the tools of its own destruction.

Today we have a madman in the most powerful elected office on the planet -- put there by insanity.

[timms139]

12. It is satire but

Trump is getting close to leaving this world and with his way of thinking he can't stand the thoughts of anyone being left on earth with him gone. He does have the mind that he is the only one who should have air to breathe or clean water to drink or enough funds for a family to live a decent life . If I can't be on earth nobody else should have the right to remain , so he pushes the red button of destruction .

[Blumancru]

13. I knew it was satire

Because if the world ended, his crypto would be worthless.

[SergeStorms]

14. It's funny......

because it's true!

[spanone]

15. Is he going to take it with him when he goes?

He's a mental case of huge proportions.

It sounds just like him.