I'm done

[XanaDUer2]

Last edited Sat Nov 30, 2024, 10:28 AM - Edit history (1)

Not one supposed friend or loved one minus one person I met here, is ever going to comfort me, tell me its gonna be okay, nothing. I reached out to a cousin who told me my worry is prob giving me headaches and eye twitching. I took 2 ibuprofen for a behind-the-eyes headache.

These are ppl I've traveled hrs to care for post-surgery. Listened to their miseries sympathetically. One half sister, after pouring my fears out just said Geta lawyer. Trying. Driven my partner to drs and supported him and his health and post surgeries.

I'm so fed up, hurt, disgusted, sad, I'm doing the only thing I can. I've taken them off a semi good six figure retirement account for when I die and remove my annoying self out of their lives. My "partner" will be getting a big, fat, motherfucking financial surprise esp. He's going to be PISSED.

I was going to beneficiary my cousin. Not now. My narcissistic money-wasting half sister isn't getting a penny. Id rather leave my money to the state.

ETA: my formerly-close cousin frequently makes the time out of her busy life to fly across country to visit friends. These are well off/ professionally employed ppl, unlike me. So, I would be confused why she always seemed to have the time, despite stressing her busyness to me, to take off to Utah, California, and Arizona.

Post my surgery, which she didn't visit or help me with, she said shed check in (a text)..she didn't. I texted r u ok? And she seemed annoyed. She was in Utah with friends. This whole thing was very confusing to me. Like, one text? Post surgery? Fuck me. I guess.

[CoopersDad]

1. Sometimes some people just suck.

My heart goes out to you, I'm sorry that they've brought you down.

Seeing people for who they are sucks, but it's also how we heal.

[onecaliberal]

2. Hugs. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

[debm55]

3. Dear XanaDUer2. You are loved here. trust me, it is hard to cut yourself off. but for your own health it must be done.

You owe it to yourself. Love, Debbie.

[XanaDUer2]

4. m being told by dr

Nurse friend cousin etc that this isn't really happening. I've stopped talking to my partner, basically. I need to take him off a 403b account

[debm55]

11. Please lay down and listen to some calming music. Perhaps sleep. You don;t need them . You are better with out them.

Rest and wake up assured it is not you but the others in your life. Debbie.

[XanaDUer2]

80. Thanks

I know you have a situation where relatives you helped were not there for you. And it hurts

[CharleyDog]

17. standard response?

When the dentist caused harm to me, obvious harm, anyone could see,

the dentist denied everything, said no harm, what you see is not real. Then started asking if I had mental problems, maybe Fibromyalgia,
and it's all imaginary.

Luckily, I was appropriately treated by the urgent care MD and recovered completely.

Probably, dentists are trained to deny, and I guess to attack, when questioned about their care.

[XanaDUer2]

19. I'm being treated like a neurotic nut

[debm55]

34. Agree, even non dentists, look at my chart and see the meds I am on and question me. I know the feeling. They make

you feel like shit.

[Clouds Passing]

74. That's how I was treated before I was diagnosed with auto immune. Don't give up.

Find a doctor who believes you.

[FirstLight]

5. I'm so sorry...

Often with illness or grief, anything that makes others "uncomfortable" ...we learn who our REAL loved ones are.

I sincerely hope you can find some relief for your headaches :hugs:

[Keepthesoulalive]

6. Democratic underground

Is a safe place for you. There are so many people that can empathize.physical pain can become a loop
You get upset and the pain becomes worse. People pretend to be your friends and many times the are
Not who you thought they were. I feel it is better to find out now than in a true emergency. This may sound trite but try to find your mental happy place, games , music, love novels , ridiculous comedies anything that gives you a momentary break from the pain. Good luck

[XanaDUer2]

7. If there is life after death

I wish to see my "partner" present my death certificate to FINANCIAL INSTITUTION for the benefit and be told he's not beneficiary

[BonnieJW]

20. Is there anyway you can leave

Or are you financially joined?

[XanaDUer2]

40. He pays bills

I'm stuck.

[Skittles]

62. you have six figures

why are you stuck? do you have any regular income?

[XanaDUer2]

64. I can't easily access it

I get a paltry ssdi amount but that wouldn't cover rent and elec

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

28. Why would that happen? If you've designated someone as beneficiary of your accounts,

then they should get the money, whatever percentage you've designated. Why do you foresee a problem?

[XanaDUer2]

41. Not sure i understand

He's not the benny

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

44. Oh, got it. What if you "accidentally" ...

... left a document showing your accounts and beneficiaries where he could see it if he snooped?

Then you can see his reaction while you're still above ground, and lecture him on snooping. Double win.

[XanaDUer2]

45. Naw he'll do something nasty to me

I'll just accept and imagine now his response

[surfered]

8. Sometimes, there's a point where you just have to put yourself first.

Only you can know when you reach that point.

[jimfields33]

9. Your half sister said go get a lawyer?

That’s weird for having headaches.

[XanaDUer2]

10. I texted her the whole maddening story

I don't want to keep flooding du, but during expensive dental treatment, my dentist was carelessly rough with my jaw and I'm experiencing jaw pain headaches eye twitching. It went from just jaw pain to spreading around my skull. He denied it hurt me at all.

After my terror-,filled ten texts, I got back get a lawyer. I texted this morn to apologize. I apologize a lot for myself. No response today. No one gives a fuck.

[Mike 03]

18. That's really upsetting. I had been going to ask whether

the headache pain ever subsides, or if you noticed any patterns? Is it 24 hours pretty much?

For years I would get periods of severe headaches, several times a year, and I realized they coincided with certain weather patterns, especially changes in barometric pressure, sometimes coupled with high humidity.

Also, have you tried any of the migraine abortifacients, just to see if they help with these headaches? Even though you have probably found the mechanical cause, sometimes mechanical things can still cause migraines--like neck issues, etc... Not all the time, but probably half time time the Triptan family of drugs has helped. And there may even be new drugs I'm not aware of.

I surely hope you find some relief. Headaches are horrible in that you can be in a fine mood, planning to do all sorts of interesting things, wanting to read, wanting to exercise, and it just becomes impossible because of the pain is our heads. It can be a pain that changes everything.

[XanaDUer2]

72. Mild intermittant traveling arnd skull

Now scalp and face tingling

[BonnieJW]

23. Try a chiropractor

I walked around with neck pain for 30 years from a car accident. Went to an orthopedist, a physical therapist, nothing helped. Finally got to the point where I couldn't turn my head and my friend told me to try a chiropractor. I did and after 3 months of treatment, I was fixed. Never hurt again after 20 years.

I think your dentist threw you out of alignment. All your symptoms point to your neck being out of alignment, especially the headaches.

[summer_in_TX]

69. Certainly worth exploring.

I've been greatly helped by chiropractic care.

After a year of ankle pain and not being able to walk easily, I found a chiropractor who used to be a ballerina in her earlier years. She put extra study into helping with feet and leg issues.

She's also helping a lot with pain that has become chronic because I'm a side sleeper. My pecs were not moving freely (among other things).

[jimfields33]

31. That's horrible. I'm sorry about this.

People seem more self evolved today than ever before.

[CharleyDog]

12. Leave your monies to the dog/cat shelter

A very nice house, all paid for, nothing to the MAGAt daughter and sons. All to the little animals.

[XanaDUer2]

13. I was going to sign on

And designate my formerly close cousin. After being told she's busy (again) with a workman, I'm not designation her. Fuck her

[StarryNite]

15. I was thinking the same thing.

There are some wonderful shelters. Anybody donating just need to do a little work to check them out like on Charity Watch and Charity Navigator.

[634-5789]

53. Kinda the same here.....

Except food bank will get a share and ahomeless honest org will also benefit. As far as any relations, well, fuck ''m, let tRuMp take care of them.

[LoisB]

14. Rid yourself of ALL the toxic people in your life. They are ruining your life but you continue to care for them.

It is time you get selfish and put yourself first, none of them sound worthy of your love and attention.

[XanaDUer2]

35. "Partner" i have an extra-nasty post-death surprise for

Wish i was here to c his face. He's been threatening me w money over 3 yrs for control

[rubbersole]

39. Reminds me of the old saying...

.." The hardest way to earn money is to marry it."

[LoisB]

51. Yep.

[Demobrat]

60. I like

When you marry for money you earn every dime.

[Phentex]

63. Ditto this!

Cut em out. Cut em off. Put yourself first. And if you do choose to be around them, smile knowing you have cut them off in your will.

You are loved HERE!

[XanaDUer2]

68. Ty

I just texted my cousin (I rarely do, for the record. She's a busy person with A Very Imp Job so I don't pester her). Curious if she'll respond. Yeah. You wouldn't believe what I did wo to save money. My salary was low

[Demobrat]

16. I don't have anyone to leave my money to.

It’s all going to planned parenthood. Animal shelters always need help also. As do food banks.
Just sayin’

[XanaDUer2]

21. Yes if i surviver this

At this point Id rather set it on fire at this point

[Demobrat]

26. Don't know where you are

but if you have access have you tried CBD gummies? My doctor said it intensifies the effects of pain meds.

[XanaDUer2]

36. NC

I'll try anything at this point

[Demobrat]

42. Looks like you need a medical card.

I’m in CA where it’s been legal for years, but back in the day I was able to get one with a video call to a doctor.
If you have a dispensary near you contact them and ask if they can recommend a doctor.

[XanaDUer2]

43. Ty

Its a backwards state and I'm sick of it

[IbogaProject]

22. Spend it on yourself.

Get an extra opnion about your jaw to start. There are exemptions that might allow you to use retirement funds for health care. I'm normally not in favor of "spend it all b4 I go" but in your case it sounds like the best option.

[XanaDUer2]

24. Its all I can do

I wanted to take my abusive "partners" ashes and pour them into his cats litterbox he nvr scoops, but he may outlive me at this point.

Good luck presenting my death cert to financial situatoin

[padfun]

25. Im leaving all of mine to the SPCA

But I love animals.
No animal voted for Trump. At least none of the non-human animals did.

[TBF]

27. If it is a retirement account perhaps you can draw from it

to either hire an attorney or get the problem fixed. I hate to see you be in pain. Obviously abusive spouse and barely interested relative don't deserve any favors. I'd try to find a way to get access to that money now, or set it up to go to a good charity. Like others here I tend to prefer animal charities, and I have given to ACLU and Planned Parenthood. Anyone, really, who cares about other people/animals and are not just out for themselves! Sorry you are still in pain.

[Joinfortmill]

29. I hear you. People don't get that there are limits.

[XanaDUer2]

33. Cousin has not been supportive

She just lost six figures. Today was it

[debm55]

30. Have you tried a neurologist? Before they knew it was the jaw that cracked into my skull they thought it was the other

way around---something in my brain cracked the skull. Rain all kinds of tests and they found that my jaw bone was at a point from stress and cracked the skull. They did not do any thing in to hold the jaw in place but I use the ligaments. Perhaps It is not jaw at all but a neurologist could run a test on you. Just a suggestion.

[XanaDUer2]

32. I have an ent appmnt

I'm hoping for imaging of jaws and ears etc showing something messed up for any lawyer i can find too take me case. Awaiting scheduling to neuro headache clinic. Hope its sooner than ent

[NBachers]

37. I have a lady friend today who is helping me remove things from my home.

Many of them are things that I designed and built-in so my son and I would have a nice environment in our little Mission District, San Francisco home. He is gone with his own family now. A lot of of my life, sweat, memories and time are going out the door to the dump. There is a lot of anngs and reluctance for me in all this. I’m lucky that I have a heartless, proactive woman helping to splinter everything apart. We are creating a new life for me.

Sometimes we have to do the same things with our so-called friendships and relationships and family.

[XanaDUer2]

38. They know about this problem

I don't get a five second text asking how i am. I sent my abusive bitch sister food and utility money. I'm disabled.

Not one word of comfort to scared me. I hate my "partner" and he doesnt know he's not my beneficiary. He threatens me w money constantly. I wanted a final nasty FU to him.

I mean i get nothing. No virtual hug. No itll be ok. Were here for you. I'm being told and gaslighted by dentist naturally, so called friend, and my lovely "partner" .

[snacker]

46. I don't know if this is something to consider

but my sister-in-law, after 2 decades of suffering and doctors blaming her pain on depression, did her own extensive research and realized she had trigeminal neuralgia. Finally found a neurologist who diagnosed her and performed surgery. There's also something called occipital neuralgia. Anyway, just throwing this out there. You deserve relief and more understanding people in your life.

[XanaDUer2]

47. Ty

Ill keep it short since i repeat this here

After excellent treatment to get my tmj jaw back into place, the expensive expensive specialist goes to apply plastic on my lower front teeth and SHOVES my lower jaw back into my ears they weren't even needed.

I went Uh uh uh while he was pushing it thinking he's the expert, but when he was done, i distressidly said IM NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THAT MUCH PRESSURE ON MY JAW,!polite but horrified and pissed bc pain started immediately. "Partner," on dentists side btw. Their not perfect he said their human. How do i know he caused this,?

I said he shoved my jaw back and it went from zero pain to pain, stupid motherfucker. Hes a horrible person btw.

But he'll get a nice surprise when I croak, which could be soon actually.

[homegirl]

48. Split it

among the most worthwhile charities. Leave them each a gift certificate to McDonald's.!

[XanaDUer2]

49. No my "partner" esp i want the expectation

Of getting something. I've written about his abuse of me extensively in mental health.

He just grouched at me this minute bc i washed his cats bowl. No, Id like him to know he's not getting anything. Ya know, once he tries to collect.

[XanaDUer2]

50. Omg

I could go out with a bang and tell them all their the bennys! I don't plan on having a wake. Idgaf. Throw me in a garbage pail afaic..

That way, all 3 of them will be trying to collect! They can finally meet up and learn it all went to a cat charity! OMG!

I will nvr forget how I've been treated during this

[SleeplessinSoCal]

55. If there was no such person as trump, would your partner be better?

Just wondering if that man's effect on our culture is so much more damaging than anyone in the media realizes. I suspect fact checking has led us to be insightful, whereas MAGA seems to have guaranteed the end of laws and denial of reality.

MAGA: Make America Grotesque Again.

[XanaDUer2]

59. No

He hates Trump, rants politics all day, was a crack head in the 90s. I made poor life choices and he wont leave and i don't have enough money to live alone. I wish i did id b gone. He's on the dentists side btw

[SleeplessinSoCal]

73. good luck with your new year's resolutions.

Hopefully perspective will lead you to good choices.

[Hekate]

52. I know I am not the only person who's glad you choose to be here, but also know online is no substitute...

…for caring people in real life. 💔 That’s awful.

Don’t leave your estate to the state. You have other options.

I had a friend who left his whole estate to Planned Parenthood, where he had been a volunteer for many years helping put on the annual book sale. He had a grown daughter — never met her nor do I have any idea what was going on there. But his obit in the daily paper did say he left everything to PP.

Pick a charity or two, something dear to your heart. And may the New Year bring you peace. ❤️

[XanaDUer2]

54. Ty

I want to get the medical part of this rolling. I have long wait times. I am esp interested and hope for ENT imaging. I want to c if my jaw is into my ear space and if any soft tissue is damaged. Not sure I can get a lawyer. They wany easy cases.

[XanaDUer2]

57. I have no caring ppl in real life

I mean, THEY REALLY DON'T GAS. I feel like I've been in a dream world, esp my cousin. My "partner" has long been a problematic pos, but homelessness

My "partner" when I get scared and tell him, I'm having a symptom, yells at me...says drs arent perfect, hes human, how do i know he caused it?, that I'm older and i have arthritis in my jaw (no pain previous to the shove), that the dentist will countersue me, etc.

Not I'm sorry. Need otc meds?. Well handle this together. I asked him for suppport the other day, and he said "money?" I looked at him and said emotional y do u bring up money constantly? He refuses to take back the 7k he gave me. I keep offering constantly to shut him up. Refuses, refuses...one weekday i got sick of hearing abt $ and pulled out my checkbook and said I'll write the check now, let's then drive to the bank and stfu about it forever. No no no

He's 72 overweight eats shit smokes and drinks... who knows what our futures hold? I could go to sleep and die.

[Paladin]

56. I don't blame you one damned bit.

Hang in there.

[XanaDUer2]

58. I'll nvr forget this if i live

[Marthe48]

61. I sympathize with you

I read your posts that you've seen doctors and dentists and either saw a lawyer or will see one. It isn't easy to find the medical help you need, and harder to find a lawyer that'll be in your corner from day one.

If you are seeing a lot of doctors, for various ailments, see if you can have one of those doctors oversee all of your care and make sure everyone treating you is on the same page. My best friend had multiple specialists treating one thing and another, and I have to wonder if any of them paid attention to the overall picture or even knew there was multiple treatment going on. Even with linked medical records, I don't think she got the information or treatment she needed.

Maybe a social worker or medical advisor can help you locate a doctor who can help you. Your situation can't be unique. Somewhere, somebody has treated it.

[XanaDUer2]

65. I told my gp when the headaches started

Then i was getting scared. He thought it was my sinuses but i explained the whole jaw thing. My partner kept saying i was "setting up the dentist" but shouldn't i explain what happened? My partner is pro dentist.

Then the gp said ent and headache clinic

[Marthe48]

70. Yes, tell the information as many times as you need to

because, even if you do tell the story over and over, there's no guarantee you are going to be heard. Somewhere along the line, someone will hear you. I bet I'm not the only one with a story I could tell.

[XanaDUer2]

71. Oh in sure not

My bf seems very wrrd about the dentist. I finally said why am I not telling them what preceeded the symptoms? I don't get it.

[Kali]

66. get out of that situation

rent a room somewhere. no reason to stay in abusive relationship. go to a shelter if you have to, but if you are getting some kind of benefits regularly why can't you find a shared living situation with somebody who isn't abusive? stress like that can only be aggravating pain issues you are having. get out of there.

[XanaDUer2]

67. I asked my cousin

If i could stay at her large house, she has a maid. No offer. I discussed going to a shelter. I know the shelters here from when i worked and theyre not great. Right now, i try to not engage and told him no more political ranting at me.

Its cut down a lot of negative interaction..

[Skittles]

75. stop trying with your cousin

look for people who can actually help you

[XanaDUer2]

79. I am.

Looking towards medical personnel and potential lawyer, and giving up on the rest. Its really not worth the hurt. If you have time to fly across the country constantly to visit friends but can't text me once a month How u doing?, I really don't know what to say anymore.

[osteopath6]

76. I'm so so sorry

We spoke once before a few months ago. You were so kind to me. How can I help??

[XanaDUer2]

77. Just listening

I actually got an I'm sorry you're in pain from a sister!

[XanaDUer2]

78. Ty

listening helps. I texted my cousin again to see if Id get a response, and I didn't.

We were so, so close at one time. I don't know what happened. It hurts. I always listen and commiserated with her.