Naked teen covered in ranch dressing crashes at Kansas gas station, sheriff says

[sl8]

https://www.kansas.com/news/local/crime/article246541448.html
(audio at link)

Naked teen covered in ranch dressing crashes at Kansas gas station, sheriff says

BY JASON TIDD
OCTOBER 18, 2020 03:07 PM, UPDATED OCTOBER 18, 2020 03:48 PM

A teenage boy who was naked and covered in ranch dressing crashed a vehicle at a Kansas gas station early Saturday morning.

The disturbance was reported to 911 at around 3:30 a.m. at the Petro Deli convenience store, the Shawnee County Sheriff’s Office said in a statement.

“A 17-year-old male was naked and under the influence of a substance,” the sheriff’s office said. “He covered himself in ranch dressing, damaged property inside a business, ran outside and jumped into a running vehicle, and then crashed into a nearby pillar.”

[Beakybird]

1. I don't get it. Is he naked? - not dressed. Or covered in ranch? - a dressing.

[sl8]

2. LOL. Yes, under international salad rules, he is dressed. n/t

[Raster]

7. +1

International Salad Rules...

[Sherman A1]

3. Well I guess he's sorta

Tossed into the scene.

[lapfog_1]

4. sadly the state of my birth

may be competing with Florida for "idiotic weird people".

[sl8]

5. Well, most of us are born in a state of nakedness, but ranch dressing?

[LW1977]

6. "Under the influence of a substance."

Ya don’t say..

[Cirque du So-What]

9. Is it safe to visit this convenience store yet?

It romaines to be seen.

[kirkuchiyo]

10. Uhhh...

Lettuce forget you said that...

[CaptYossarian]

11. Is it time for Monday MadLibs again?

That was a short weekend.

Bonus points for not choosing Florida again.