Charlie Glickman and Sex Positivity

[stevenleser]

An important discussion as the term is under attack from some groups who mostly do not understand it.

http://www.charlieglickman.com/sex-positivity/

Western societies have been influenced by the idea that sex is harmful, shameful, disgusting or sinful for centuries. While allowances have usually been made for certain situations, such as procreation, the idea that pleasure, the body, and sex are (at best) necessary evils has deep roots in many different cultures.

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Another way that sex-negativity can manifest is through the Myth of the Normal. When the Myth of the Normal is invoked, we define certain sexual acts or situations as normal, while everything else becomes abnormal/sinful/wrong/shameful. A quick glance at the average sex advice column in the supermarket checkout stand magazines will offer plenty of examples of the ways that we create the Myth of the Normal.

These sex-negative patterns have a deep impact on how we think about and experience sex. As a sex educator, I strive to help people explore the ways that sex-negativity affects them in order to move towards a more joyous relationship with sexuality.

The difficulty is that many people mistake enthusiasm for sex with sex positivity. In my view, sex-positivity is the view that the only relevant measure of a sexual act, practice, or experience is the consent, pleasure, and well-being of the people engaged in it or the people affected by it. In my experience, this is a much more useful way of exploring sexuality because it helps us see past our own triggers and squicks, set aside our judgments, and make room for the diversity of human sexuality. We can build a sex-positive sex of ethics, set and hear boundaries, and discover the sexual expressions that work for us while honoring and celebrating those that work for other people. This is what I see as the path out of sex-negativity.
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About the author

http://www.charlieglickman.com/about/

I’ve been a sexuality educator since 1989, when I became an HIV educator and counselor. I quickly learned that effective safer sex education had to include information on sexuality, relationship issues, and communication and negotiation. So I decided to start learning about these different topics and quickly discovered that talking and teaching about sex was the path I wanted to take.

In 1996, I joined the staff at Good Vibrations as a Sex Educator-Sales Associate in the Berkeley store. Talking with thousands of people about their concerns and questions showed me how much we need accurate information. After a few years, I began to coordinate the After Hours workshop program, which has grown to include over 100 workshops per year on an incredible range of topics. I also developed the staff training program, and eventually became the Education Program Manager. I currently oversee all of the Good Vibrations sex education projects.

Meanwhile, I began to offer workshops and personal consultation on a wide range of topics including safer sex, working with male survivors of sexual assault, sexual practices & diversity, BDSM, polyamory, sexual shame, sexual authenticity, and the relationships between sexuality and spirituality. My teaching was based on my personal experiences, as well research and reading I had done, but I had the sense that there was something missing. I noticed that most sex educators develop their classes by watching other teachers and using the same tools, without always understanding the practices that create optimal learning for adults. I recognized that I was no exception to this observation, so I decided to find other ways to teach.

Eventually, I went back to school and received my doctorate in Adult Sexuality Education from the Union Institute and University. My dissertation explored the application of adult education principles to the connections between sexuality, spirituality and shame. I’m also certified as a Sexuality Educator by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists.

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[stevenleser]

1. To me, this informs not just my feminism, but my pro-LGBTIQ rights beliefs

I think it is why the ascendency of third wave feminism shares its rise with the rise in support for LGBTIQ equality. If you are sex positive, particularly as Charlie Glickman so beautifully describes it, you cannot be against equality for the LGBTIQ community.

[libodem]

2. Thanks Steven

I like this article. Hope you have forgiven me if I have offended you in the past.

[stevenleser]

3. I dont remember any offense, but same here, hope you have forgiven me as well...

if I gave any offense.

[libodem]

4. Great

All is well. As I said before like your choice in articles.

[LadyHawkAZ]

5. Bookmarking this site for further reading

Thank you for posting this. "Sex-pozi" has become the radfem-PC term for "slut", and it annoys me no end.

The difficulty is that many people mistake enthusiasm for sex with sex positivity. In my view, sex-positivity is the view that the only relevant measure of a sexual act, practice, or experience is the consent, pleasure, and well-being of the people engaged in it or the people affected by it.

Yes. I see a lot of this attitude: "But I like sex! I have a husband/partner/lover and we have GREAT sex, so that means it's OK for me to judge how YOU enjoy sex! Because I don't hate sex!"- no, it doesn't work like that. The idea that consensual adult sexuality is normal and pleasurable no matter what the particular quirks of the people involved- that it is in fact a positive force- that's what makes a person sex-positive. Not just a liking for their particular method.

[stevenleser]

6. Thank you for your excellent comments

[Warren DeMontague]

7. Important. And it's important that sex positive individuals not be bullied into silence.

[Zorra]

8. As I understand sex positivism, I'm probably sex positive to an extreme.

However, I don't fully correlate sex positivity with the moral/ethical acceptability of the prostitution of females, and the prostitution of minor children of either gender whatsoever. Since adult males are overwhelmingly the primary procurers of sexual services, I have not included adult male prostitutes in this equation, although there most assuredly are some adult male prostitutes who are directly or indirectly victimized by the phenomenon of prostitution as it currently manifests.

I'm admittedly generally ignorant on the subject of sex positivism.

Is there some general POV of sex-positivists on the subject of prostitution?

[Warren DeMontague]

9. Well, for one, I highly doubt ANYONE is advocating prostitution of underage people.

I think you'd be hard pressed to find sex-positive individuals or even advocates of legalized sex work for adults who are making that case, in fact that sort of thing is pretty universally reviled, as well it should be.

[Neoma]

10. I have this book called Sex in History by Reay Tannahill.

I only read the first few chapters, but I recommend it. (And hey, even Time magazine liked it.) I mention it because it said something about how prostitution wasn't always looked down upon. Pretty intriguing to me at least.

[Warren DeMontague]

11. I think, in some ancient civilizations, it was a religious activity.

As hard as that may be to reconcile with the anti-sex programming which has been ladled into our heads for the past couple thousand years.

[Neoma]

12. Probably because of STD's.

And child labor.

[Warren DeMontague]

13. rationally, STDs may have been part of the biblical hang ups around sex

Sort of how trichinosis may have had something to do with the prohibitions on pork.

[Zorra]

14. Tricking some arrogant, greasy fool is never a religious experience for any

woman. Well, ok, unless she lifts his wallet and hits the jackpot. That's always good for a joyful hallelujah.

Trust me on this.

[Warren DeMontague]

15. I'm just telling you what ive read...

I dont claim to be an expert!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sacred_prostitution

[Zorra]

16. LOL! You're a real hoot! But...

is being an expert a bad thing?

"I don't claim to be an expert!"

It very much appears that what you are (sarcastically) saying is that I am the voice of experience in this matter.

If I am, would this be something to be ashamed of?

It appears that you are unwittingly expressing a certain disdain for prostitutes.

Why?

[Warren DeMontague]

17. No, you're reading WAY too much into it.

Seriously.

[stevenleser]

18. I think I agree with the way Mr. Glickman puts it:

"the only relevant measure of a sexual act, practice, or experience is the consent, pleasure, and well-being of the people engaged in it or the people affected by it"

That necessarily excludes the underaged and the trafficked as acceptable practices but does include prostitution assuming again that the people are of age and fully consenting.

All of us, I think, can name sexual practices that we find considerably unappealing to say the least. But are we going to delegate to ourselves the right to say to consenting adults that they cannot do them? And if so, why? Because WE dont like those sex acts? Why does what other adults do in private and find acceptable concern us? How is it even our business?

I was watching one of the talk shows 8-12 years ago or so and this couple was on that had a vomit fetish. They liked vomiting on each other. I probably dont need to say that this made me physically ill just to briefly think about. Should we make it illegal because we dont like the idea of those things? If we make that or prostitution illegal, where does it stop? It's easy to see a slippery slope between banning those two acts and making everything except unprotected missionary sex between straight married people illegal.

[Zorra]

19. IMO, sex is way overrated. If religions didn't spend so much time and energy repressing

Last edited Wed Jun 13, 2012, 01:06 PM - Edit history (2)

sex, and we started being honest with children about sex at a relatively young age, there might not be such a big to-do about it, and individuals in our society in general might express their sexuality more freely and naturally. And the manifestations of psychological/emotional disturbances that arise from this repression, such as pedophilia and need oriented sexual violence against women, might be all but eliminated from our society.

So please don't get me wrong about my attitude toward sex; I'm way overboard on the side of whatever floats your boat as long as what floats your boat doesn't harm others. But I am definitely hostile to the sexualization of children by the media in our society.

IMO, mature, healthy adults, adults who are in control of their sexuality, make their choices for sexual expression, most particularly when these choices involve business transactions, with full consideration of any harm these expressions may cause others, directly or indirectly, particularly children.

I actually feel that adult prostitution maybe should be legalized and strictly controlled, so that we can possibly partially eliminate a source of the underground resources that often play a part in the funding and perpetuation of the phenomenon of child prostitution and the agencies that profit from child trafficking and sex slavery. If somebody's favorite sex worker is somehow sharing part of her/his money to some form of organized crime group, and that organized crime syndicate is related to a child prostitution ring any way, then that person is helping to support child prostitution. And, in my personal circle of what is ethically acceptable, any support of child prostitution, either direct or indirect, is ethically and morally wrong. As wrong as wrong gets.

For most of my life, I've been a part of a loosely knit widespread alternative society where nudity and breastfeeding are the norm, and sex is pretty much universally considered a healthy, natural, and pleasurable activity.

Sex for most of us with this alternative mindset is just really not all that big of a deal. I like sex. It's great fun. Personally, I'm not comfortable sleeping with anyone that has sexual proclivities that are beyond what I believe to be my very broad boundaries of what is acceptable, in terms of not being harmful, or evidence of some emotional/psychological disturbance obviously caused by childhood sexual repression stemming from twisted religion/familial/societal mores.

People throwing up on each other does not bother me, and if that is what two consenting adults want to do, fine with me, but that would not be fun for me, and I can't help but wonder where a desire to engage in this type of activity stems from.

I'm honest and open about sex. I've personally briefly experimented with prostitution, in a Third World setting, not because I needed the money, but because I wanted to know what it was like, and the opportunity was there. I'd never to it again, but I don't regret what I did, I believe I learned quite a bit. It was very ugly all around. Prostitution is commonly known as the world's oldest profession; I doubt the basic idea has changed all that much over the centuries. I suppose you could say it was a reasonable way to learn more about human nature, the condition of many working women throughout history, and the generally disparate attitudes, and existences, lived by men and women, respectively.

I've also had female friends/close acquaintances who are long time professional dancers in the US also; one of them was my housemate for over a year. So I have some real time perspective on sex work other than prostitution, resulting from conversations with these women.

So I suspect that I have a much different perspective on sex positivism than many others, though our opinions on this may be similar.

I truly feel that, from any reasonable ethical standpoint within both societal norms, and the overall realm of human decency, it is extremely important that we honestly examine our sexuality, and how we manifest it, particularly when it involves exchanging money for sex services, so that this manifestation in no way harms children.

From my POV, that would make sex so much more positive.