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[CountAllVotes]

This message was self-deleted by its author (CountAllVotes) on Sun Jan 29, 2023, 01:57 PM. When the original post in a discussion thread is self-deleted, the entire discussion thread is automatically locked so new replies cannot be posted.

[niyad]

1. Holding you in light and love. Your DU family is here for you. Lean as hard as

you need. You are doing a remarkable job.

And, of course you are not stupid. Clearly. Your neighbor is an obnoxious ass, and a complete idiot. Maybe a response of, " You SHOULD keep silent unless asked," with a snarky smile.

[CountAllVotes]

3. All of the "you should's"

I've had plenty of "you should's" in my life.

I rarely if ever listen to them.

This guy SHOULD mind his own damn business and take care of his animals properly which are often found wandering the streets in the middle of the night!

HE SHOULD get his own act together and focus on his own reality and he MUST leave me the hell alone because I've been known to bite back, oh yeah.

Thank you niyad. I really appreciate your continuous support!

[niyad]

4. Hugggggggs.

[blm]

5. Exactly!

[MuseRider]

2. I am pretty certain

that nobody needs to tell you this but...stick to your guns (as they say) and let your neighbors worry about themselves. It sounds like you are a good neighbor and doing fine. It always takes a while to fix things up after storms, I have spent my life in tornado alley, we get it.

I am so amazed at your outlook and how well you are doing. Not knowing, or even needing to know what is ailing you you seem to have things at hand so even when it is bad you have control. You are amazing.

I am just starting a journey, not even certain yet it falls under disability and I need to look that up. It sure messes with you when your life abruptly changes. You seem so competent dealing with yours, I find that amazing.

Good luck with your neighbors, maybe you could suggest they might be happier in a new neighborhood?

[localroger]

6. A house that has been made disability-friendly has much extra value

My parents spent a lot of effort on the house where I grew up after I left. They removed the bathtub, because neither of them felt safe taking an immersion bath, and replaced with a large and luxurious shower. All the doors replaced with pocket doors so they can easily be operated by someone in a wheelchair. And so on.

When they did sell the house it went for a premium, and when they built their new house it was built from the ground up on the same principles. Tile floated throughout the entire structure with no gaps or thresholds. Everything on one level, everything accessible to someone in a wheelchair. They put in the first all-house generator ever installed in Mississippi, just in time for it to run for nine days straight after hurricane Katrina came through.

TL/DR: If you are comfortable in your house with your disability, that is a seriously valuable thing you should absolutely not give up.

[FailureToCommunicate]

8. Universal design IS the way to go! Your parents were smart to make those design changes.

[CountAllVotes]

10. I demanded it be set-up for ME

This house had the plastic bathtub which I referred to as a "death trap" before we moved in. Sadly, several years later an 81-year old woman living up the street was living in a near identical house and she slipped and fell in the plastic bathtub. She died in that fall and was not found for several days it seems.

I got this house via a Federal program that we were on the waiting list for 10 years. I demanded it be made accessible for a disabled person with a problem like I have.

They HAD to accommodate me and I knew this because no, I am not stupid.

I was given every excuse in the book to NOT do the job to remodel the bathroom, like no one will buy this house as where will they give their babies a bath at? Huh?

I said, I'm not buying this house to raise and bathe babies in, I'm buying it for me and my husband to LIVE IN.

So they remodeled the bathroom with tile and a shower with a removable threshold in it. Over the years, I've had other things done to it to make it more accessible, like having ramps installed outside so I can get inside safely.

I never thought about how the remodeling would affect the value of this house. It was not a concern. That said, I am glad to know this piece of information.

Thank you so much!

[localroger]

14. When my parents sold the first house

...there was some competition among a few people who really wanted it because of the handicap accessibility mods. Yes, it's not something a young couple with children will want as much, but it's actually a rare commodity for those who need it.

[CountAllVotes]

16. I'm sure the remodeling job was not cheap

Even if I wasn't disabled I would have wanted that plastic bathtub to go. It was plain ugly and small and fairly useless.

It took me awhile to find the right way to clean the tile but I have that figured out now as well as mold control (believe it or not).

I try my best to keep the house up by myself. It is a lot of painful work for me to do it but I STILL MANAGE TO DO IT SOME HOW!

After moving in I had more remodeling done on the bathroom which included having a new vanity, sink, mirror and toilet installed.

It isn't cheap being sick!

[CountAllVotes]

13. That is great!

I am glad they had this done for their safety and for YOUR piece of mind!

I would not feel safe living in this house if it didn't have the accessible bathroom.

This house is on one level as well, no stairs.

That was the first thing we noticed when we found the house for sale, no stairs.

Better safe than sorry regardless of price!

I hope they are enjoying their new home!

[localroger]

15. The new house has served them well

My father still lives there. He is now 82 years old. My mother died in 2014 but she loved the house. My father actually designed the new one from scratch. Among other features it has no hallways, and very wide doors. He is very justifiably proud of it and it will be something special when he passes (which will hopefully be many years from now) and it goes on the market.

[CountAllVotes]

19. Yeah for your father!

I'm so glad he has a place to live that is accessible. Its far better than some fucking "Assisted living center" where many elderly people end up as they have no one to care for nor help them out.

They wanted me to dump my late husband into such a place but I told them NO. I told my late husband I'd stick it out with him until it got to a point where I could not. That point came one week before he died.

I feel like I did right by him and can only hope that if I end up in a similar state that I will be treated with the same dignity and respect.

Again, I'm glad for your father and for you too! I'm sure its a great piece of mind to have not worrying about him all of the time.

[FailureToCommunicate]

7. Good for you sticking up for yourself! Hey, maybe tell the neighbor, that yes, you have a buyer in..

mind, this really nice Black family, or Asian or developmentally disabled, or whatever you think would blow his mind the most.

Maybe then he'll stop pushing you to sell.

Good luck with everything.

-FTC

P.S. Vote Democratic no matter what you do!

[CountAllVotes]

11. He is a minority himself

You do not want to know the entirety what I said to him after he insulted my workers that did a fine job that are local people.

I told him that I was from San Francisco and that I do not tolerate racist crap like he is spewing.

I terminated the conversation after that.

I appear to be white but my foster grandmother was indeed Indian.

He really MUST watch his mouth. You never know WHO you are talking to in America as we are all related.

[wnylib]

17. Love your last paragraph. It is so true.

And I love that you spoke up to him about it.

Sounds like you are doing what is right for you and that is what matters, isn't it?

[CountAllVotes]

18. My family has been in America since 1500 or so

And as one might suspect, they married many different types of people of different races.

So I am an American. That is how I define myself and every other person born in this county, an American!

I never let that kind of crap slide. It is intolerable to me. I always speak up. I am a proud San
Franciscan. Not many of us old timers go for crap like this. I lived in the City for years and I liked the fact that it was so integrated with so many different sorts of people from so many different places. You learn so much from others by living around them, like learning to love baklava (what's that I used to say) and Japanese food among many other things that were foreign to me.

Shame on this idiot for not knowing when to keep his stupid mouth SHUT and yes, you WILL get it from me every time!

[wnylib]

26. We have a few things in common.

I also like the diversity of living in a city. I enjoy nature and being in the countryside, but for daily living, I prefer the city.

Some of my father's ancestors were in this country since 1636. The others were here for thousands of years before that. My mother was first generation American whose parents came from northern Europe. So my father's Native ancestry is not obvious in my mixed ancestry appearance. I'm often mistaken for having other ethnic ancestries, like Italian or French Canadian, etc.

Consequently, I hear racist diatribes about Native Americans from people who think that they are talking to a "pure" European American. I set them straight every time.

After my grandmother died, my grandfather's significant other for many years was a Jewish woman. The daughter of one of my cousins married an African American man. We are family and we are American.

[CountAllVotes]

35. That's right!

Most of us are mixed bags like us.

Very few are "full bloods" these days

My grandfather was indeed full-blooded Irish.

The rest of them were mixtures of this, that and the other.

I pretty much know who I am (after many years of research) but I did not know for many years as my mother was adopted out in the deep south in the 1920s. That was a near impossible task to locate her and her family but I did. I found a cousin that I have become rather close to and he is a very smart man that I go to when I have questions about things that I know he might be able to help me solve.

But yes, we are all Americans for the most part (sans a few immigrants that are full-bloods like my late husband was).

[yankee87]

9. Walker used

I've been lucky even with me always using a walker and being hunched over, no one has treated me like I'm stupid. I have gotten pity looks and words. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[CountAllVotes]

12. I'm glad you are still going!

Power to that walker that is getting you around!

Hang-in there as neuropathy is no joke!

[greblach]

20. yatta

I had a friend remodeling a bar he owned, he called them Yattas... as in you oughta do this, you oughta do that...( needless to say he didn't do any of them)...8^)

[CountAllVotes]

29. He has never offered to outright help me

Its one big YATTA alright.

I like what my father used to say to people like him: You can KISS MY ROYAL ASS!

[momta]

21. I think you should tell your neighbor that...

He should sell his house so that you don't have stupid neighbors telling you what to do all the time

[CountAllVotes]

25. +1

No kidding!

I don't need this kind of crap from anyone.

If you knew the entire story behind this situation you'd be kind of ... frantic is one word for it!

I mean holy shyte!

[thinkingagain]

22. You sound very smart and on top of things

Many home owners disabled or not. Do not do upkeep on their homes. We have a couple of those in my neighbor hood. The owners are Not disabled.

As for the your neighbor.
Respond back “ I know what you mean if you would sell your house and move, I have many friends and relatives that would be interested in it just to be nearer to me.”

True or not it may give him pause to think.

[CountAllVotes]

23. He doesn't think

How many times does he have to hear me tell him that no, I am not going anywhere?

They had a big party over there the other day. They are new here, I am not.

The big party had probably 100 or more attendees. I was not invited! I'm so heart broken!

Its plain rude IMO and what he said about the helpers here was plain racist. It pissed me off I will admit.

That said, I now know who he really is:

A racist. Period.

New name: RACIST.



As for neighbors around here, some keep their houses up, others do not. I do the best I can to keep my house up and I don't care what anyone thinks!

[barbtries]

24. you are doing well.

you may be right about people making stupid assumptions about the mental/intellectual capability of those with visible disabilities.

as for your neighbor, i'm all for you saying "Fuck off! It's my house and it's staying my house!" every time he comes with that crap. He should be so lucky to have you for a neighbor.

i think that struck a chord because i was only able to buy a house at the age of 60 and here's where I will live out my days, and I am so tired of people trying to get me to sell it, or move, or whatever. In my mind I always think fuck off! this is my house.

[CountAllVotes]

27. My late husband was 65

He was an elderly veteran when we got the house.

Between me being disabled and him being an old vet, it helped us to get the house.

I'm glad you got a place. It is so difficult!

I'm still sitting on two loans, a CalVet or a VA if I needed them.

I hope I don't as moving is so stressful.

Stress makes my disability get a lot worse very fast!

I don't need it and yeah fuck him. again.

I have a good education btw. A master's degree. I bet he doesn't have a high school diploma, that's what I think.

[llashram]

28. +++

I understand. My neuropathy is progressing and has the contributing factor of Agent Orange as the cause. And as you sound at peace, so am I. Just take my medication and keep on pushing. I like this forum overall and stay strong: grouphug:

[CountAllVotes]

32. I've had neuropathy for 40 years now

The didn't diagnose me with MS until 1995 after I went blind.

At that point it had been going on for at least 10+ years.

The falls began in the 1970's.

I remember the unexplained pain as early as the age of 16!

I worked 20+ years at full-time jobs and had to toss the towel in after the blind episode.

I knew that my unseen enemy was in charge and I was not.

So I caved in and went on SSDI and was disability retired from my job.

Its been one hell of a painful ride.

I totally commiserate with you on the neuropathy. What a bitch eh?

[llashram]

33. big time

[TeamProg]

30. Prop 13 is great for Calif homeowners, but massive malls and businesses with multiple corporate

owners also benefit from Prop 13, unfortunately.

Still, while OR and WA have no sales taxes, their property taxes are through the roof!

[CountAllVotes]

40. Most Californians used up their prop. 13 a long time ago

My parents had a house under prop. 13 but moved when my father became ill to another place. So there went their prop. 13.

That's the way it works if you buy a home it is a one time thing that you will never have again.

Prop. 13 is THE REASON I am able to live here.

So, I like prop. 13 just fine. I suspect this neighbor is paying a load of property taxes so he's making up for me. Jealousy is a green-eyed monster!

Most if not all of the malls, etc., are dying or have died already around here so there isn't much for them to go on any longer either.

[TeamProg]

43. Huh? Prop 13 STILL benefits any Calif. home-owner. Also, if one moves within Calif., there

are ways to sometimes transfer their tax base one time, if they're over 55, to another primary residence.

They way that Calif. home values were going up Prop 13 limts re-assessments and higher taxes to 2% rather 3 to 4% like some other states.

[CountAllVotes]

45. it did not work that way for my parents

n/t

[TeamProg]

47. No transfer if you buy something cheaper, obviously. n/t

[tornado34jh]

31. As somebody with autism (high-functioning), I get it

I once did a job interview at a hotel here in Lakeland, Florida a couple of years ago. Mind you this was during the peak of COVID. I was all set and ready and the guy was asking me about my disability, who was the person I was with, and I think he just did not get it. I honestly felt really awkward in that interview. I never went back there again, as I thought you weren't supposed to ask that. He said something about difficulty training me even though I thought I would do fine, but he was not a very friendly employer, and to be honest, even if I got the job there, I think it would have been a very difficult time. People nowadays are not as forgiving, and I have seen that even going back to when I worked at a Walgreens in Fairfax, Virginia in 2013-2014. Hence, I am always very skeptical of people's intentions a lot of the time. When I head out, I am well aware that it is an unforgiving world. I don't have to go far to see it. When I go on the bus, you have to really keep your wits about you. There are some areas of Lakeland that have people who are very willing to take advantage of you. Thankfully I have never been in that situation, but I did have a roommate once that did. So for me, I have a rather cynical/skeptical view of the world. Don't get me wrong, it's not all the time that I have this view, but nowadays in a volatile world, you can't be certain how people will react. But then again, if there is one thing I have learned is that the environment to which one is in will play a big factor into that, whether that is religious extremism, greed, especially from barrators (corrupt politicians or businessmen, from Dante's Inferno, 8th circle, ditch 5; old term for grafter/grifter) or others. For me, I have lived in pretty diverse neighborhoods, plus have lived in Europe for 2 years so I got to see a lot of what goes on, and thus wasn't really affected by the dogmatic ideas that seem so prevalent now, especially in the United States.

[CountAllVotes]

34. Welcome to the DU tornado34jh!

& welcome here!

Glad to know you understand.

I completely agree with you as living in the EU is an option for me as well as my late husband was from Ireland.

I've yet to pack-up and move but if my health was better I might.

The last couple of times I've traveled via air, my feet swelled up to be so huge and painful that I arrived unable to walk. My last trip abroad was in 2012 and it was so difficult for me between the airlines and the ramps and the other passengers that did not care to wait for me to be wheeled off of the plane.

That trip was a horror story and I was so pissed after I got home due to their failure to accommodate me that I managed to get part of my airfare refunded to me.


Things that happen to people like us no one understands as they've never been there. Maybe some day they will end up there, I don't know but I would not wish MS or any other disability on anyone, no matter how cruel they have been towards me.

I hope to see you around more and please take care!

[tornado34jh]

37. Thanks

First, did you check to see if that swelling was not due to something more serious like DVT (deep vein thrombosis)? That can happen on long flights. The longest flight I ever took was 8 hours between Honolulu and Houston. But again, travel is difficult even then. When I visited my parents in Whitefish, Montana, I had to take two flights, one from Tampa to Denver, then Denver to Kalispell (about 45 minutes away from where they live), and that was after I had to take Lyft from Lakeland to Tampa, all while trying to avoid weather that could trap me along the way. But I guess it could be worse. When I was in Europe, we were heading up to Normandie, France while my dad was stationed in Naples (Napoli as it is called there), Italy. The plan was to fly from Naples to Milan, then Milan to Paris. When we got to Milan, I saw on the departures screen that due to an air traffic controller strike, our flight was cancelled. So we were stuck in Milan for 4 hours, then we took 2 vans, drove from Milan, past Mont Blanc, got to Paris around 7 pm CEST, picked up someone there, and didn't go to I believe it was Caen until 1 am that morning. After all that, we drove to Dijon, stayed overnight, drove back to Milan, and our flight to Naples was delayed. So all told, with all the combined travel, we probably could have flown from Washington DC to Wellington, New Zealand and back in the amount of time we traveled. But then again, we were lucky to have avoided flying in 2010 when Eyjafjallajökull (trying saying that many times fast, it literally means "glacier of the mountains of the islands" in Icelandic) erupted in Iceland. That's when all flights in Europe were essentially grounded due to volcanic ash.

[CountAllVotes]

41. DVT (deep vein thrombosis)

Yes, I ended up in a hospital in Hungary.

I ended up having to leave and never had the test to see if it was DVT.

I guess it was not, as I made it home.

As I mentioned, I gave up traveling after that.

Sounds like you had a very interesting trip!

Take care and see you again!

[Bluejeans]

36. A ready come-back if your nosy neighbor asks you again to sell your house...

...you should use the come-back I used when some solicitous real estate agent asked me a similar question over the phone during the 2021-2022 real estate frenzy:

"Yes, we'll put the house up for auction. There's a starting bid price of $500,000 and bidders have to pay a non-refundable administrative fee of $100,000 which does not apply to the purchase. The $100,000 from each bidder is due in cash at my bank in my account the morning before the auction. Cash bidders only; no mortgages; payment due by wire transfer to the title agent at closing. No fee to any real estate agents."

All I heard from the real estate agent was, "Oh, thank you for the info."

Problem solved; never got another call like that one.

[CountAllVotes]

38. Houses around here are selling for close to that

I sure did not pay that much for this place but the houses around me are going for $400,000+.

I'll use your technique but up it to $1,000,000 being it is accessible for a disabled/elderly person(s)!

Then, off I go to Hawaii (Maui to be exact) and I shall retire with my three cats!

[Bayard]

39. I would have no problem telling this guy to fuck off

The neighbor that lives the closest to us made the mistake of coming down to look at the new fence we were putting up. Almost immediately, he jumped into politics. I let him blather on for awhile till I couldn't stand it anymore, and told him how stupid everything Fox News said, and anybody who believed it. He jumped back on his riding mower and went home.

You just can't be polite to people who insist on shoving their ideas down your throat. Stand your ground, sister!

[CountAllVotes]

42. +1

Believe me, I sure feel like it. If you knew the rest of the story you'd be outraged, I kid you not.

It is quite sickening.

Welcome to the neighborhood new neighbor NOT (that is himself that arrived here from a trailer park nearby). UGH.

[demigoddess]

44. "you should"--some people just talk that way. They get it from their mothers.

When I was a kid, I heard a mother talk that way and their kid did too. Caught it from mom.

[CountAllVotes]

46. thanks!

Cursed aren't they?