Recovered Alcoholics
Hi. I'm an attorney representing a father who is a recovered alcoholic. Dry and sober.
His estranged wife filed for "emergency custody" via an Order to Show Cause and accused him of Domestic Violence and alcoholism.
She's an active alcoholic herself.
My question: My law partner and I are arguing whether we can overcome the emergency custody claim of alcoholism. She says that "once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic" and that we will fail in court. And that's despite the fact my client has completed one month of institutional rehabilitation and has a sponsor. I say she's wrong and that his recovery will actually help him with getting custody. Do you think she's right, that a court will ignore a party who USED TO BE an alcoholic and use that as justification to take away his children?
= new reply since forum marked as read
It will help with my client's situation.
Best to you all!
We're still alcoholics, and I know several who have over 40 years sober. We don't say we're "recovered," which means we can't drink again. But it does sound like your client has made a good start if he's committed to his sobriety and has a sponsor who is supporting his recovery and guiding his progress. My sponsor, who I met at my second AA meeting, both supported me, but also told me what to do, and I listened and followed her example. I don't know much about the legal questions, but it sounds like your client made a good start if he's committed to sticking with it. I had 13 years of sobriety in April and still try to work a solid program on a daily basis. Wishing your client good luck, it really is worth it, especially if he's committed to his sobriety and his children. 
First, you or your client or no one else should declare the woman an alcoholic. That's her call alone because it's a complex physical, emotional and mental disease and its extent and depth of addiction is only known to the person it affects. One can say however with evidence, that she may have a problem with alcohol. It would be best in court to avoid the word alcoholic entirely if possible because of its misuse.
The woman's statement is very poorly informed and tends to bias most people who don't understand alcoholism. I'm sober almost 32 years now but still identify to understanding friends as an alcoholic. The term "recovering alcoholic" is misleading as well since it sounds like someone still taking chemo for cancer. Recovery is simply a life-long dedication to never drinking again, and a dedication to being a much better person living a low-stress life.
If your client only has a brief time sober, he's in fragile territory. Old-timers in AA typically suggest waiting a full year sober before making any major changes in ones life (marriage, career change, distant move, etc.). Many in recovery have an extremely difficult time for years overcoming the urge to pull into a liquor store when under high stress, so we're told to take it easy for quite a while as we get our health and mental/emotional stability back.
From a courts standpoint, they would love it if a defendant could say with absolute certainty that they will never drink again, but that's not possible. It's good that your client has a sponsor and I hope he's making lots of meetings and is making lots of new sober friends. His long-term sobriety is entirely up to him. I sponsored lots of men during my active years and watched a few of them die or go to prison after relapse, yet a few became some of my very best friends for life. However, I also had to divorce lots of the old drinking-days acquaintances!
If your client is like I was in 1990, he must make his sobriety job number 1 in his life for a very long time. If we stay sober, it's amazing how society is helpful and forgiving and things usually turn out OK.
I wish him the very best of luck and hope he can untangle himself from this mess soon. Thank you for trying to help and for sharing this story!
KY.........
