Six years clean and I still hate/dread parties.

[bif]

I especially hate parties where I only know a few people. My wife absolutely loves meeting new people. I'm getting roped into going to a friend's girlfriend's birthday party this weekend and am not looking forward to it. I pretty much have to go as I'll be my wife's DD and it's across town. Ugh. Anyone else hate going to parties?

[chicoescuela]

1. Yup

[FirstLight]

2. Im only one year clean...

And my bday is new year, which means either being alone or being tempted 😔

I had one glas of wine on Thanksgiving, and ended up spiraling into depression for 36- 48 hours... So I made the connection that its poison to my brain chemistry. But yeah..im not going to any parties anytime soon

[LearnedHand]

4. Hang in there FirstLight

And keep stringing together minutes in which you're actively quitting. If you quit 15 minutes at a time continuously over 3 years, you end up with 3 years of sobriety!

(Stupid thought, but it helped me get through the first few years.)

[LearnedHand]

3. I don't completely hate parties, even though I prefer to be home

Fortunately the only people whose parties I attend are total normies. No one drinks to excess or stupidity. Do you have the opportunity to find out more about the party hosts before the party? Maybe it won't be too bad? Otherwise, you can plan an early exit with your wife right? She supports your sobriety I assume?

[bif]

5. Usually I signal her when I've had enough

If it was closer, I'd do an Irish goodbye.

[SWBTATTReg]

7. An Irish Goodbye? Explain, I'm curious what this is...Thanks in advance!!

[bif]

8. It's also called "Ghosting"

Where you just leave a party without saying goodby to anyone. It's the opposite of the "Greek" or "Armenian"goodbye. I'm married to a Greek and my wife has to say goodbye to every single person at a party. It takes for-fucking-ever!

[SWBTATTReg]

10. Yes, now I know, thank you so much! I'm a fond proponent of ghosting or an Irish Goodbye, for sometimes,

it does take seemingly forever to 'say' goodbye. My point (I don't make it out loud) is that all of us already know that when we all leave, we do wish good wishes and thoughts for all there at the party and that we enjoyed it, automatically. And the hosts are usually pretty busy, so you really can't bother them too much.

I always call afterwards, the next day or so, and then go into my routine that I enjoyed the party/we enjoyed the party, that it was nice to see and chat w/ such and such, and catch up on news w/ A, B, and C!!

Thanks again!

[SWBTATTReg]

6. Well, I think that most people don't really lapse into endless alcoholic drinking, some do, of course, but the majority

of us don't. I encourage you to still go to parties, I've had guests who told me that they were sober, and staying that way, so I prep'ed a separate room in the house where they can all go (or they could go outside) to a refuge sort of, to speak. As old as I'm getting to, most of us up there don't hardly drink anymore anyways.

I've always enjoyed the parties but I found out that most people don't reciprocate, so you don't have a lot coming to your load of shouldering the parties yourself (I did at first, there were 3 of us that sponsored the annual party every year, so that was nice, one would take care of the food, one would take care of the drinks, and so forth...as we got older we don't 'party' as much, if anything, prefer a night quiet night at home).

[multigraincracker]

9. Be 35 years ago I got clean.

Never had to worry about parties for a long time because all of my friends back the were users and didn't have to worry about parties for a long time.
Now, when offered a drink, I say sorry I'm allergic to alcohol, I break out in handcuffs. They leave me alone after that.

Start looking at all of the positives of your sobriety and you'll see its worth.

[Clouds Passing]

12. "I break out in handcuffs"

22 years sober! Glad I quit!

[Redleg]

11. It's not the parties for me, it's the people at them

On a serious note, I can appreciate the daily challenges of recovery.

[Clouds Passing]

13. Only unless I know most of the people there and they're not wasted

[GPV]

14. Not clean but feel same abt social stuff, esp w food. It helps

if I bring my painting gear with me.

[bif]

15. It was as bad as I thought it would be

I ended up spending most of the time with two old friends. She's clean and he maybe had one beer. We spent about 3 1/2 hours there which is about 3 hours more than I wanted. Nice to get home and watch some light tv with a bowl of ice cream.

[Iggo]

16. Twenty-eight years clean, and same here.

The people who invite me keep telling me, “Don’t worry. You don’t have to drink.” I tell them, “That’s not what I’m worried about.”

It took me a long time, but over the years I’ve learned nice ways of telling people that it’s no fun being sober in a room full of drunk people. (I didn’t used to be so nice about it…lol.)