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[dingosatemyusername]

This message was self-deleted by its author (dingosatemyusername) on Sat Jul 3, 2021, 08:00 AM. When the original post in a discussion thread is self-deleted, the entire discussion thread is automatically locked so new replies cannot be posted.

[XanaDUer2]

1. This is a great supportive group

[chillfactor]

2. same here....

i am elderly and live alone. have thought many times of throwing in the towel and just giving up on life.

[Eliot Rosewater]

4. Please dont. I am talking to the OP also.

You know who I think of anytime I get that down?

Robin Williams.

He was in terrible shape and I have no way of knowing what it was like, but now he has no options, none. And god could we use him now!

No matter how bad it gets, there is always hope, and this coming from the guy who posts on here constantly that we are done, the country is gone for good (I blame people on the left who trashed Hillary nonstop) but we are not really done, not yet.

And even if we lose our Democracy, and even if we are entirely alone, there is always hope for something ANYTHING to happen and change.

I am an atheist, but if religion gives you comfort USE IT!

[XanaDUer2]

20. Thank you for this

there are times I feel like giving up.

[sheshe2]

34. ...

[Eliot Rosewater]

37. ...

[sheshe2]

38. Have missed you. nt

[Eliot Rosewater]

40. Thanks, absence from these boards keeps me sane, but I keep getting drawn back

[sheshe2]

42. I hear you.

[dingosatemyusername]

3. my (common law) wife died in Januaray 2019

and I just dont know what to do with myself anymore

[patricia92243]

18. I met my husband of 15 years on a dating site. They really work.

[Susan Calvin]

22. What site?

I poked around on the free version of some of them, but virtually everybody I saw worried me in one way or another.

[patricia92243]

58. Senior Meet - don/t know if it is still around. My daughter

met her husband of 13 years on "It's Just Lunch." I think it is VERY expensive.

Usually you can make it what you want it to be - don't show me a certain age or religion, if they smoke, etc. Still a lot of discretion must be used.

Good luck. I always say there is somebody for everbody if you just look.

[Rebl2]

43. Now that

things are opening back up, maybe consider volunteering somewhere that needs help.

[SaveOurDemocracy]

5. Please don't hesitate to talk about it here, no one will think you're attention seeking.

Do you feel comfortable sharing your situation? You'll find comfort and support, I'm certain.

Love and peace to you ~ SOD

[rickyhall]

6. When I was living alone my daughter gave me a chihuahua. She made all the difference.

She was my best buddy for 10 years. Unfortunately, she had a stroke and died too soon.

[Marie Marie]

8. Good Point. Having a pet fills a lot of voids.

[dingosatemyusername]

10. I can barely care for myself let alone a pet

[StrictlyRockers]

19. We're all in it together, brother.

It's a fucked up world, don't hesitate to reach out for help.

[Susan Calvin]

23. I'm so sorry.

I'm not bad off as you, but I'm in fairly bad shape. When the last of my dogs died, I held out for a month, and then I got another one. He and my bird are mostly what keep me going.

[dingosatemyusername]

26. I miss having a cat

I cant have one here unless it mutilated (declawed) and stays inside. cats should be free to come and go

[Susan Calvin]

47. I don't agree that cats should be free to come and go.

Outside cats kill birds and other things kill them.

We actually had an outside cat that came and went through the dog door who lived to be 18. That is a very rare occurrence. We tried cats with access to the dog door, because there was no choice if the dogs were going to have access to the dog door, and gave up when enough of them disappeared.

I'd like to have a cat, but not as long as I have a dog and the dog door. And if I did have a cat, I'd get one of those automated litter boxes.

I totally agree about not declawing. That is mutilation. Spaying and neutering is mutilation, but necessary mutilation. The claws, you deal with.

[I_UndergroundPanther]

49. My kitty isn't declawed

But he's an indoor only cat. I could hold my door open, my kitty has no interest going out.

When he does go out. He is in his kitty carrier I wear across my chest.

Wearing a harness that restrains him inside.

He likes riding with me he feels safe when I am carrying him.

He does not like being outside unless he's with me.

You raise a cat to be indoor they are happy indoors.

He rode in my cat bag as a kitten so he prefers it now.

I live near 95 and other highways. He will never be let out alone or off leash. For his own safety.


You can also train a cat to scratch where it's ok to scratch.

Othello has a big cat tree and a cardboard scratch box. He never claws anything else.
Because as a young cat he was rewarded for scratching in the right places.

You can train a cat with positive reinforcement.

[blueinredohio]

7. Talk away or post away whichever way you want to put it.

We do care.

[Ziggysmom]

9. Have you tried support groups like this?

https://soaringspirits.org/programs/widowed-village/

Have a coworker who likes this online group very much. She started with just a pen pal. We all grieve differently; it’s something we all go through in life - loss.

Take care of yourself

[Oppaloopa]

35. Thank you so much. I just signed up.

[LakeArenal]

11. Eleanor Rigby: 🎶All the Lonely People. Where do they all come from!🎶

🎶Where do they all belong?

Best vibes sent.


Music might help....
httphttpsm.youtube.com/watch?

https://m.

v=JSMubgZoL58s://m.

https://m.

[BigmanPigman]

39. I just heard The Small Faces at my local CVS, I smiled immediately.

It was in the 70s and after Marriott left the band and Rod Stewart was the lead singer. Music and my dog always cheer me up. Now that my fur baby died a year ago I rely on my favorite rock bands more and more. I prefer to have my baby back though.

[LakeArenal]

41. Yes. Dogs are the best. No heaven without them.

[Maraya1969]

12. There are groups for "Adult Orphans' on FB and probably on the web too.

I am thinking about joining one or two. I have lost most of my family and close friends. And I'm 63 and have no kids. It's hard to be alone when getting older.

Here is a link to one of the FB groups although it is set to private so you have to apply to join.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/15256818900

[Oppaloopa]

36. We should have a group on this site.

[Maraya1969]

44. I think it would be nice if we had a zoom room also. I don't know whose willing

to do whatever it takes to run it but it would be nice to get together and chat with people.

[alittlelark]

13. I would suggest a pet. They can pull one out of very deep pits.

They are wonderful listeners and never judge.

A commitment to an animal over it's lifetime is a serious commitment - not to be taken lightly.

They can bring one back to the 'real' world' we are all living in.

[Susan Calvin]

50. Pardon me for asking if it is too personal,

But are you saying that you have lost your significant other?

[dingosatemyusername]

57. yes

we were together for 21 years and she had a heart attack and died after lingering, brain dead, for a week

[Harker]

15. Live the way she would want for you to live...

and you'll find meaning and purpose, I believe.

With love,
Harker

[Srkdqltr]

16. Seems like the pet thing would be a good. They force one to pay attention to something else.

Most won't let you ignore them.

[3Hotdogs]

17. Get out of the house and do something. My "something" was a hiking club that has become my support.

Meetup.com may offer some things to do.

Right now, there are hundreds of people in your town, city, county who are home this weekend (holidays are the toughest) wanting something to do or people to be with. The first step is to find ways to take attention off of yourself and onto the world and people in your immediate surroundings.

I know this sounds simplistic but it is a way out of your loneliness.

There are people who prefer to be alone most of the time. You do not seem to be one of them. So I hope you do something.

As pointed out above, please continue to post here.

[Deuxcents]

21. I dare say we've all had times..

Despair, being lonely. Get up n get out..yoga can soothe the soul. Volunteer at a children’s hospital..a vets hospital. Make yourself availability at a food bank. An animal shelter will steal your heart. Maybe a part time job where people depend on you for food or run errands for the elderly that don’t have transportation. The world is full of people..maybe some feeling like you. You have worth and maybe just can’t realize it in your pain. Sometimes, the answer is right in front of us. Please let us know how you’re doing ..

[LiberalLoner]

24. I would give anything to have a friend, if you want one. I have MS and feel so terribly lonely so

Much of the time. I will give you my email if you want. If you lived close by I would spend time with you. ❤️❤️❤️

[peppertree]

25. As they say: Better alone, than in bad company

St. John's Wort might help (ask your physician).

All the Best - and keep sharing!

[SheltieLover]

27. Is there a senior center in your area?

Many are doing some in-person & some Zoom activities. Worth a look, imo.

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling, but glad you reached out to the group.

Check with cat rescuse? They might just have a declawed cat in need of a home who doesn't like going outside. Could be your new best friend.

If you explain your situation, they likely will put you on a list & contact you when the right kitty comes in needing a home.

[Susan Calvin]

51. Oh my God a declawed rescue cat.

It wouldn't be right that it was done, but it would be right if somebody took the cat in.

[SheltieLover]

56. Right.

Not that the rescue would declaw, but could be picked up as stray or surrendered for many reasons.

[mopinko]

28. boy howdy. i've about lost my mind.

i was so lonely i patched things up w my ex.
i dont remember the last time i had fun.

i had some noisy conflicts w neighbors last summer, and came out of hibernation to some cold shoulders.
i want to get out, but then again i dont.
but 1 good thing about my farm is that it brings good people to me.

seeing old friends again and making new ones is why i couldnt do anything else.

one of the hardest things for me was getting locked out of my volunteer job. i was a hospice worker for 5 years, and omg, do i miss it.
the hugs. lordy have i missed the hugs.

i have some rental property that is my income. have had vacancies because of the plague. but a new customer works w women seeking a new start and a safe home.
so it looks like rent checks and new friends just fell in my lap.

like my prophet steve earle says- every day on earth is another chance to get it right.

keep hope alive.

[SheltieLover]

29. Have you looked into tele-psych doc &/or therapy?

Maybe a doc might feel a short-term anti-depressant might help you?

While a anti-depressants won't change your circumstance, they can help to lift the fog so that you can see ways to alter your lifestyle.

Also, weekly therapy by Skype, Zoom, or phone is likely possible during the pandemic & many states have free counseling with the pandemic having everyone so isolated.

If you want help finding a tele-psych doc or therapist, let me know & I'll do all I can to help.

[Susan Calvin]

52. I've looked into some of those online things,

And so far better help seems the best. It's like 250 a month, which seems like a deal as those things go, if you can afford it. I haven't had much luck with talk therapy, but this point I'm kind of open trying anything for a while. Any suggestions as to good online talk therapy?

[SheltieLover]

54. It would have to be someone licensed to practice in your state

Psychologytoday.com has searchable listings for mental health practitioners. You can click on providers' profiles to see what their area of specalties are, often what their hourly rates are & what insurance they accept.

You clan also search for your city &/or state for the type of therapy you want. Also for sliding scale services, which is income based, or free services.

Please let us know if you found a provider? All of the above is also likely available for practitioners who diagnose & prescribe psychotropic meds.

Often, community agencies will provide these types of services if you are in a lower income bracket. Perhaps try calling your local health department to ask who provides such services?

[Skittles]

30. do you have the opportunity to do any volunteer work

it's a great way to give back the community and meet others

[ananda]

31. I so relate.

I used to like being alone a lot because that's just how I am.

But Covid changed that because I had no other options.
Even though my social life is returning, it's still different.

And the way our world has become so violent and polarized
doesn't help either.

However, it's better now than it was before vaccination.

Let's hold on to that.

[3auld6phart]

32. 85 here.

Think positive. Even joining in on DUs many sites. They are a great crowd to be
associated with. There are different opinions at times.But
makes it interesting and fun. Just stay strong

[Scottie Mom]

33. Here's a hug!

🤗

I hope things gets better for you.

[marble falls]

45. Even if what you accuse yourself of were true, the need to connect with others is good sign ...

... What are you doing about it?

[Susan Calvin]

53. What do you mean by accuse?

Just curious.

[emmacom]

46. Don't quit

We are here for you!

[Susan Calvin]

48. Thanks for all these replies.

I have bookmarked this and I'm going to look into suggestions. Honestly, what I really need is a job. Somewhere I have to be at a certain time. And preferably be paid for, although I can see volunteer work getting me up if it was urgent enough. I am a pandemic retiree, partly because I don't trust my workplace would handle it well if there was an upsurge in cases due to mutations in the fall, and partly because one of the people in my chain of command has been trying to kill what I do for 3 years, and I'm just sick of fighting it. Not just what I do, what everybody in my position does. She thinks she understands what we do, and she does not. And she is trying to kill it.

[vercetti2021]

55. I am too

My depression came from gender dysphoria. Which I'm tackling now with transitioning from MtF. I get the loneliness. I am everyday for the most part.