Feeling really down

[MetalMama]

I've been battling major depression my entire adult life - I'm 62 now. My meds usually work really well. But, sometimes, like now. I will have another episode. Not as bad as before medication but bad enough.

I guess I'm feeling tired and overwhelmed right now. I take care of my 90 year old mother and my adult daughter who has her own physical and mental health issues.

Sometimes the urge to end my life is very strong. I've had those thoughts for so long they're burned into my brain. Does anyone else feel that way? Right now, the biggest thing keeping me from doing anything is my lack of energy. Plus, a small part of me doesn't want to leave a mess for my family.

I live in a small town which does have a mental health facility but, I've been in it before and it didn't really help much. The therapists at the outpatient facility are terrible. One therapist I was seeing was even fired.

I don't have anyone I can talk to. I don't have any privacy at home so, talking to someone over the phone wouldn't work.

I know I'll be better in a couple of days but, until then, life sucks.

Thanks for reading.

[FM123]

1. I am so sorry for what you are going through

Even if you don't have anyone to talk to in person right now, I am so glad you reached out to us here on DU because we are here, and we care.

[MetalMama]

2. Thank you

I've been reading DU for a long time even though I only recently created an account. I do feel safe here.

[niyad]

3. I am so very sorry to hear what you are going through. All I can offer are virtual hugs,

and the assurance that your DU family is here for you. Lean as hard as you need.

[Siwsan]

4. Must be something in the air - for no discernable reason my anxiety is spiking, today

It could be some subconscious trigger, or it might just be too much isolation (I have far too much privacy) - who knows - so I took my 'as needed' anti anxiety supplemental medication and I'm going to re-work my task schedule, for the day. A quick run to the health food store and then back home to start brushing, clipping and trimming all of the garlic I pulled, last month.

I'm hoping I'm going to have some of my fully vaccinated family over, this weekend, for some much needed people time and help around the yard. Ok, so another trigger for my anxiety might just be I'm feeling VERY overwhelmed, lately.

I hope you can start to find your peace, sooner rather than later. I'll keep you in my thoughts, today.

[SheltieLover]

5. We are here for you, MetalMama

Sorry to hear all you are going through, byt this is a great place to vent.

[PortTack]

6. Sorry for your troubles!!

[jmbar2]

7. You have a lot on your plate and sound overwhelmed

It's not surprising that you are feeling down. But ending it is not an option right now.

You say that you wouldn't want to leave a mess. I've had suicides in my family and the repercussions on the survivors are deep and long lasting. If for that reason alone today, tell yourself that it's not an option.

One thing that has helped me in the past is studying Buddhist philosophy and meditating. At the very simplest, suffering is all around us in life. In most cases, it is beyond our control. Meditating helps us to give our ruminating minds a break.

I have found the lectures of Pema Chodron very helpful in dealing with depression. Here is a link to a short good one:
https://pemachodronfoundation.org/videos/fear-and-fearlessness/

She has a lot of vids on Youtube about dealing with loss and fear, plus good instruction on meditation.

[Susan Calvin]

14. Thanks for the info on the author.

Amazon happened to have one of her books on sale for Kindle, and so far it looks like it might be helpful.

[jmbar2]

15. I like her books a lot

They are packed with wise insights. Sometimes it would take me a day just to read a handful of pages. I would then need time to ponder it.

I hope you get some benefit from it.

[BoomaofBandM]

8. Hugs. Keep us updated, we care.

[Wicked Blue]

9. ...

This is probably irrelevant to what you're suffering, but I've been feeling more depressed in recent days. Am taking 4 meds.
My therapist wants me to start using my light box now because the days become visibly shorter in August. I have the seasonal thing on top of the rest of it. Usually I don't start until late October, and it does help me.

I have no idea whether this is of use to you, but I wish you well.

[alittlelark]

10. Solfeggio tones can really help with depression and anxiety.

I have them on in the background quite often. These are some of my favorites-

&t=12s

They can be amazingly helpful !!

[shenmue]

11. Hold on.

[No Vested Interest]

12. During this nice summer weather, get outside as much as possible.

Just BE for a while among trees, grass, sky, clouds, birds, ground animals, and other people who are not rushed or hurried.
The outdoors can be very healing, as opposed to enclosed space indoors.

Hope you can find a park or field nearby, or even a quiet backyard.

Peace.

[MetalMama]

13. Thank you

Thank you all for the kind words and suggestions. I will definitely try out the suggestions.

Just having people respond is a huge help. I think I needed that human connection of people other than my family.

Also, I should be receiving some new crafting supplies today or tomorrow and that will help. Crafting helps me get out of my own head for awhile.

Thanks again.

[applegrove]

16. Can you call an internet a helpline. Nobody should just suffer through such horrid emotions.

Important to remember that the meds just keep getting better and better. There is a good chance you'll have the perfect dose for yourself and your daughter in the near future. Order yourself a book on matriarchs throughout history because you are one. You are up there with other strong and quiet family heroes of all times. I know it does not feel like it but you need to find a way to pat yourself on the back for all you do.

[MetalMama]

17. Thank you

so much for the very kind words. It means a lot to me that people have taken the time to respond.

The big, heavy dark cloud over me is slowly shrinking.

[Susan Calvin]

18. I'm glad you're feeling better.

You did me a big favor by posting this. There's a lot of stuff that might help me, too.

[MetalMama]

19. If I've helped you

that helps me.

Take care.