I'll always be a broken person.

[hunter]

All I have to do is figure out how to live with that.

These days I am.

And when I'm not, I hope there's always something in me looking forward to the days I can say "I am" again.

I hate this pop psychology shit. I've walked out of therapy for less.

But here I am.

[Tetrachloride]

1. i used 2 techniques originally

1. me and my friends outnumber the bad days. ( outnumbering isn’t the perfect word but i use it ). Some of my friends are now gone but they are still in the group.

2. i found new hobbies and adrenaline around those.

[hunter]

8. I have no idea how I created a social safety net around myself.

I do know when I'm in my darkest places "new hobbies and adrenaline" tend to end poorly.

For a long time I was really good at knocking myself out of a deep depression in ways that hurt me.

I needed to feel *something* even if it made me bleed.

My last crisis like that wasn't all that long ago and landed me in the locked psych ward.

I've told some of my more amusing stories here on DU, like losing my clothes on a beach past midnight and, stark naked, enlisting a newly minted cop with a flashlight to help me find them, or falling off of cliffs and surviving, but most of it isn't that fun.

My mind went sideways in adolescence. When I was twelve years old I knew everything and the world was my oyster. In my late teens and early twenties local cops and campus police regarded me as a harmless diversion from their usually sordid graveyard shift routines.

At twenty five I had 95% of my shit together and graduated with a respectable university degree, and it's been that way ever since, but the 5% sucks.

[Tetrachloride]

10. yep. its sounds like your 95 percent is better than mine

and the 5 percent is more intense.

i have the general stress buildup over the decades.

[enough]

2. Nobody knows what a human being is. You are not "broken," whatever you may be.

And here we are.

[Texaswitchy]

3. Been there and still there some days.

I just learned to live everyday the best I can.

My good days are the majority.

I do have to watch the stress.

[Quakerfriend]

4. A therapist once said

“We are all wounded animals” and then shared with me that his mother had left him, and abandoned the family, when he was just ten. He also shared that he had a rare health condition that could be fatal at any time…. He died before I talked with him again. He helped me enourmously as I faced advanced cancer and slim odds 22 years ago. I learned so much from that man.

So, good for you. Keep moving forward with grace and hope for better and better days to come. Cheers to saying “I am”! We are all here with you! 🥰

[sunflowerseed]

5. Accept it, fix it or let it go.

https://www.binghamton.edu/news/story/3195/research-shows-just-8-weeks-of-meditation-studies-can-make-your-brain-quicker

[sunflowerseed]

6. I'm a happier broken person because I meditate.

Mindfulness meditation practice primarily leads to reductions in ruminative thinking, even after controlling for decrements in affective symptoms and dysfunctional beliefs4. In patients with affective disorders, mindfulness meditation intervention has been shown to improve anxiety and mood symptoms5. At a behavioural level, several studies have indicated that mindfulness-based therapy is a promising approach for treating anxiety and mood disorders6,7,8. Several previous studies have demonstrated the practice of mindfulness meditation leads to brain changes at either structural or functional levels9,10,11,12,13,14,15. To track functional changes, resting


https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-019-47470-4

[mopinko]

7. yup.

this plague has been tough on both my physical and mental health.
so many people i thought were friends who, turns out, didnt give a shit if i lived or died.
and didnt care that i was being harassed by some assholes because i got so loud about it and bothered everyone.
i didnt handle an of it well. in fact, i ended up in jail.

the whole mess cost me a ton of money. had empty rental units and couldnt get work done to get them back on the market. and engaged in more retail therapy than was good for me.
was lucky to take care of myself a lot of days, let alone anything else.
been an endless parade of strange and bad reactions to it.

finally getting them on the market. have a sf house and an apt in a 2flat.
the house is something i am super proud of. bought a wreck, and turned it into the sweetest little jewel. been so great to show it to people and watch them fall in love.
got a tenant in 2 days.

finally getting my health back. yoga really helps, and i was doing well til i bruised a bicep tendon. killed half my routine. finally got going again a few days ago.
but i've just had to do the things i have the need to do, however that shakes out w money or public opinion.
i chose the chores that will give me the most sense of accomplishment, and normalcy.
or solace. nobody sees my kitchen but me, and everyone sees my weeds. but ya gotta take the steps that feel like they are in the right direction. and worrying about what these clowns think of. my landscaping aint it.

at least there's a lot of us in this boat. talk to anyone about where their mental health has been in the last year and a half, and pretty much everyone i talk to nods and is- yeah, worst ever.

[hunter]

9. Oh my dear...

[mopinko]

11. on the plus side

i've reconnected w my pretty lost boy son. 30, trauma survivor, treading water.
but reached out for help, and honestly, it's good to be a mom again. set him up w a drum kit. he wont get therapy, but drumming is a place for him to sit w it all.
it's been hard. hard to trudge through some old shit. but he's in a better place at least for now.
he's my hope for someone to wipe my ass in old age, so, it's somethin.

[BlackSkimmer]

12. Oh no! You don't have your little farm anymore?

I’ve been gone from here awhile, I must have missed that.

[mopinko]

13. i've still got it, but it's a hot mess.

i'm not in any danger of being homeless or anything. but i've gone from having a comfy cushion to much thinner one.
been a year of having to face the fact that i fucked up. that i prolly cant achieve what i thought i could just 2 yrs ago. and that this might not be a valley, but a long slope. i dunno.
been some reckoning on my momming goin on, too. aint been pretty.