Something I hate about myself

[vercetti2021]

Is when I talk up something and can't follow through with it. I wanted to make my family dinner, and I mean my whole family dinner tonight. I wanted to make lasagna and I can't even follow through on it because I didn't know if people were gonna be available. But part of me should have made it anyway since people are available after all. I've been talking about it for last week and half. But nope I can't even do that, can't even get simple groceries off the porch since I was sleeping and let food spoil.

Today I was a colossal fuck up in all aspects. I can't follow through on stuff like I try, but I fuck up.

[viva la]

1. You made a good step!

You were feeling positive and wanted to be kind to other people. It didn't work out to make lasagna, which is after all quite an undertaking. (I have to say, probably I've only been successful half the time with my lasagna.)
Are they still coming over? That means they want YOU, not the lasagna. Pizza is sort of flat lasagna! Order a pizza and share it.

You were dreaming big, and that's good. It might have been a bit too big for the moment, but I love your optimism and your desire. Be kind to yourself. You're a good person. So often these big plans fall apart, and it really hurts, I think because hope and optimism really make us vulnerable.

Next time, consider making the lasagna a few days ahead of time, and freeze it. Lasagna often tastes better after that! And then if it doesn't work out, or the lasagna turned out like my last one (meat sauce and cheese burned, noodles still raw), you won't feel so bad because you'll have a chance to cancel or make other plans.

I wish I could hug you and come over next week and make lasagna with you and get tomato sauce all over the kitchen! It's a lovely thing to want to cook for people-- such a sign of love. The love is still there, even if the lasagna isn't.

[vercetti2021]

3. No

They went out to dinner instead, they invited me but my momma didn't wanna go so I didn't either. I can't really afford to eat out right now, I already had all the stuff to make food.

I hit my depression today so it kinda put me in a mood to be by myself.

[viva la]

7. Well, gentle hugs to you--

I do admire your desire to do things for/with people. That's a goodness.

[1WorldHope]

2. Viva la just gave us all a gift with that response.

It's hard to be kind to ourselves, isn't it? Why? We both must work on this change of perspective. For 1 day, be as kind to yourself as you are to those you love. I will do the same. If you catch yourself thinking, I'm so lazy, fat, unlovable, blah blah blah. Stop the self talk by talking back. "Hey back off, I'm a lovely person, so stop being mean to me." That should shut that voice up. ✌🏼

[vercetti2021]

4. Can't attack my physical appearance anymore

But I can always with my mental state sadly. The outcomes of how I can make everyones day better by adding more and more stress to my own life. I try to carry the weight, but its hard to do that. But I do it because I hate seeing people that love me sad. I failed today because I couldn't even make everyone dinner.

[viva la]

8. That's so true-- we wouldn't be mean to other people.

We should be nice to us too.

[usonian]

5. You are not alone!

There must be thousands of us ... planning for visitors who never show, or vice versa.

But I don't stop. I can't stop. I found two places with sfogliatella pastry (thank goodness, frozen), I got cavatelli, mafaldine (had to order online ), spumoni, you name it.

I learned cooking from my Mom, and cooked a lot for my family when we were together in one place.

I leave stuff out. I'm tired at times. Barely slept last night (I think I anticipate indictments coming down or maybe judges reading the riot act to scofflaws).

So, where I used to write down elaborate menus for people (the ones who never visited), I just figure I'll go out, send for food, make something damn simple, even if most of it comes from the freezer. Last time my daughter visited, I was so tired from cleaning that I let her sightsee without me.

Be glad of friends and family. They *REALLY* are more interested in you the person than the eats. And I always was the Iron Chef Showboat.

If it freezes, it pleases.

I take pictures of sunsets (and more!) and share with friends.

So have a great sunset.



Peace!

[vercetti2021]

6. I would hope so

They went out for dinner, but I can't afford to eat out right now. I had all the stuff to make this. But it's hard not being able to do so

[usonian]

10. Don't beat yourself up for feeling sub-par! It happens to EVERYONE.

Even me.

I suspect we are all very far apart (can DM about this and share menu items for that feast.)

Take care of yourself.

I've got tonight's sunset photos to sort through and do a little bit of cropping and adjustment.

[viva la]

9. I really wish we could all get together and cook a big great Italian meal!

Well, some of us might just sit around and praise the cooks and eat.