Today's therapy session left me exhausted and so very sad.

[Siwsan]

We talked about my loss of the outdoor fur babies Lush and Tudor, the shock of finding Lush in such a damaged condition and how I still feel such guilt and trauma over not being able to save Tudor and what it's like to have that kitten die while being softly cradled in my hand with me begging him not to go. Along with that, how it hurt to not have certain family members who knew what happened, knew I was an emotional disaster and never reached out to me. I just want to sit here and do nothing but cry, all afternoon. But, of course I have yard work things to do and fur babies to take care of.

Plus my brother is stopping by to mow the lawn. Next to DU, he was my rock during the loss of Tudor.

Ah well, such is life. I seem to have run out of usefulness for most humans. Thankfully my fur babies all need me. When my brother is done with the lawn and headed home, I might just crawl in to bed, for a while.

[multigraincracker]

1. Sound a lot like me.

The luckiest person in the world. Half of it good luck and half of it bad luck.

The TAO of life.

[ms liberty]

2. I am always better when I have things to keep me busy during such times.

[onecaliberal]

3. Hugs.

Be kind to yourself. You are an amazing human.

[MuseRider]

6. It is such a hard job.

I was going to say the same thing that onecaliberal said. I hope some of this helps you feel better, it is a hard time you have had but you not only did your best you were looking for a way to do better but there was no way to do better. Many hugs to you and if I were close to you I would be able to help you out while you mourn. It is part of the job so to speak, you must do it or not care...I know you would rather care and deal with the bitter, awful parts than not do it at all.

[XanaDUer2]

4. I'm sorry about the kitten nt

[CousinIT]

5. Truth is though, without you Tudor and Lush would have had no care, no ally

no comfort, no love, no one to cry for them when they are gone. This the heartbreak of an angel. Yes, double-edged with the joy of loving and caring for them the one side and the devastating heartbreak of losing them after such a short time when a piece of your heart is torn off and goes with them. It hurts!

[blm]

7. So well-stated, Cousin.

Yes, this is the truth, Siwsan.

[1WorldHope]

10. Heartbreak of an angel. That is a sweet way to describe grief.

Be gentle to yourself sweet angel. You are are good hooman. Sometimes those are hard to find.

[Dale in Laurel MD]

8. I know the feeling of helplessness watching a tiny kitten die.

It happens so often....

[Backseat Driver]

9. So sorry, Siwsan - I can relate re taking care of feral kitties.

I sort of watch over a few domestic ducks that live 24/7 free-range on the suburban apartment complex's retention pond. (People who suck dumped them a few generations back). They don't fly; can't migrate and have given us much joy! I miss the ones we've lost to one thing or another: Human and animal preditors (run over; tangled in fishing lines and/or attacked and mortally wounded; illness.) The baby ducklings don't tend to last too long but they do learn and have good intuition about dangers. Well, circle of life and all that. Hope you can cope with the grief and regain your joy!

[Maraya1969]

11. I know this too well. I had 2 fosters and one was not doing so well. She had lost some weight

and was so tiny so I took her back to animal control thinking they would help her and the next day they called and said they put her down because she was not "thriving" or something. I was so upset and I wished I had not sent her there and that I would have put her on liquid supplements and just kept feeding her. It was so heartbreaking because she was so tiny.

But the other one that came with her is still here, 2 years old now and healthy. I had to adopt her because I just could not give her back. Plus she is a black cat and I have heard that black cats have a hard time getting adopted. So she is mine now and I love her.

I am so sorry for your loss. It is so hard to lost a fur baby.

Here is Lola. Sorry for the big picture. I didn't resize it and I should have

[Bayard]

12. I feel for you, Siwsan

We just had to put down a very old kitty a few days ago. Another one that started out as a stray. She had become deaf and blind. She would get lost if she got too far away from the porch, going in circles, bumping into things.

Its so hard.... But you were, and are, a good Mom. The one good thing they had in their little lives.

[MacKasey]

13. Hope you are feeling better today

[Siwsan]

14. I'm getting lots and lots of fur baby purr therapy

That's the best kind.