Im so angry and full of remorse.. guh! 😭😡

[FirstLight]

So I had to rearrange the living room impromptu, power went out and I had to figure out how to get the fireplace to work again. Which meant that I had to pretty much move everything off of it, which also led to me having to move a lot of my exes crap out of the way and into the trash.

I'm just gobsmacked at her crap and hoarding everything I just keep finding crap everywhere journals that were only written in one or two pages, coloring books and word puzzles for no reason just shoved in a ottoman. A waste of my money, and it's all just garbage.

What really sent me over the edge was a journal that she had written in recently. One of the prompts asked are you in love and she said no and that she didn't love me. And the other prompt asked what her dream home would be and it was nothing to do with us it was all about her and what she wanted to do with my money...

It just reinforces my thoughts that the whole relationship with a scam from the start and I took pity on her and brought her to my home from across the country because I thought that we had a relationship. And when she got here she just settled in and drove my children away, and twisted my brain, and if she had succeeded in killing me that night, she would have gotten everything because she got me to marry her.

I'm just angry so angry and it makes me want to cry my eyes out I hate her so much I can't even express it in words I'm just sitting here sobbing...

[Scrivener7]

1. I'm so sorry. But I'm so glad you got away.

[Biophilic]

2. Breathe. Crying is a good release.

Remember that you are not the first, nor will you be the last to be sucker punched by mistaken emotions. Many of us have been in similar situations. Sometimes life sucks. Remember to breathe. You are not alone. I honestly feel your pain and yes it sucks. But it is not the end of your life. Really. I promise.

[FirstLight]

3. I know, I know thank God I've got a good therapist

I just wasn't expecting to stir shit up today. In realizing that I was never a factor in any of her wishes or thoughts and that basically all I was was somebody in her way that she could use and she nearly killed me...

I'm going to cry it out, and then I'm going to order myself dinner because I'm too damn tired to try and cook

[Dear_Prudence]

4. That song 'Flowers'

by Miley Cyrus says, "Yeah, I can love me better than you can." Having your dinner delivered is a start. Of course, Miley's pop song doesn't capture the trauma you have survived! There is no comparison. But deliberately choosing to treat yourself with love, the love you deserve, is still good. You take care, please.

[Biophilic]

7. Good plan. And you deserve to pamper yourself.

Have been through and are going through a difficult and trying time. It’s good you know that those is us at DU are here for you.

[magicarpet]

5. It sounds like you are finally free of that albatross,...

..... that was hanging around your neck for way too long.

Now you are free to construct and plan your life where you can do the things that will make you happy.

You owe it to yourself to move things in that direction where you can ignite your internal glow and feel comfortable in your space.

[Permanut]

6. You got scammed,..

sandbagged, gaslit, conned and generally run over by a bulldozer. I'm glad you're here to tell about it, and I wish you better surprises and smoother sailing from here on out.

[FirstLight]

8. Honestly you guys here have been a real life saver

There's times when I don't want to burden my friends with my breakdowns and I can't speak about stuff like this on social media. I know this is a long road. Like my grandpa used to say, you gotta hike out just as far as you hiked in ..

And I still have yet to get rid of everything lingering in the house I just want to get a dumpster and a blowtorch LOL

[Mopar151]

9. Time for a Solistice bonfire?

Spirit of renewal, spiked eggnog, etc.

[FirstLight]

10. Im one year sober but yeah 👍

I was thinking about that, also my birthday is New Year's so it's a good time to refresh

[Permanut]

12. I'm a few more years sober..

and grateful every day for another chance to attempt a better life. It has worked for me, but I realize we don't all come out of the same cookie cutter.

I'm rootin' for you.

[calimary]

11. It will certainly be a good idea to share your feelings here.

Just one more reason why I love DU: it’s a perfect place to work out your conflicting feelings amid folks who’ve been there or are working through it now or have found ways to get help - or even helping themselves along their journeys.

[ShazzieB]

13. It makes sense that you're going through some Big! Giant! Emotions! right now.

I don't know much about your history with that person, but it's pellucidly clear to me that this relationship was an incredibly intense ride, and you have a fuckton of shit to process. That's going to take some time, and I am delighted to hear that you have a good therapist to help you with that.

In the meantime, please be as gentle and patient with yourself as possible. No matter what kind of emotional turmoil you're going through right now, you won't feel like this forever. I really do believe that.

Please try to remember that, and go easy on yourself. This is your time for YOU, so focus on taking care of YOU. Whatever may have happened in the past, you are now on the threshold of a brand new start, and you have a lot to look forward to. Pat yourself on the back for having gotten this far and keep putting one foot in front of the other. You'll get there.

[FirstLight]

14. Crying happy tears 😭

Thank you. Not only for your words but that song definitely touched my soul as a child I think I remember hearing it I was born in 1970 sounds like something my mom would sing and I know that her spirit is definitely cheering me on as well.