Looks like time is growing short now.
I woke up this morning. Both hands were aching due to poor circulation. My stomach is getting worse. I cannot do much about this as I have no money to address health issues like this. My gut demands me eat/drink certain things to calm it down. However, these things are not heart healthy. Quite the opposite in fact. But, the discomfort forces the issue. I already had one quad bypass. I am not sure I want another one, since the simple fact remains that I was released from the hospital very fast because my last name is not Soros or Musk. I did not have anyone around during my recovery because my husband has to work. I would prefer not to die slowly and painfully, but I guess I have little choice.
I will say this. Damn this country for falling into the greed trap. Damn this country for saying they like democracy and then proving they are the opposite of democratic Damn this nation for deciding that healthcare should be a profit-based business. Damn this nation for acting like they have a heart or a conscience. I am not the only person who is going to be nothing more than a number on some page and die in obscurity because we were too busy trying to amass everything on the planet and refusing to give a rats ass about other humans. And, we still collectively don't care.
It is four in the morning. Will I make it to five? How about six? Why should I make it to anything when it is just prolonging the suffering? There certainly is no light at the end of the tunnel for me. Why even take another breath? He'd be better off without me hanging around his neck. The whole world would be, since it has already made it clear I offered nothing that it found valuable or worth its time.
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I wish I could find a little hope. It is very difficult to see at the moment. 
Neither do I. I find it difficult to understand why just under half of the nation wants us to be like some cartoon villain on Saturday morning.
Maybe we were always that and we just kept on staying deluded because the truth was too much to deal with? I dunno.
I swore that I would never just 'exist'. And, that is exactly what I am doing these days. Hell, I wrapped three packages in brown paper for shipping on Sunday. I still can barely use my right hand today because of it. From wrapping a few packages?
How freaking worthless is that? 
But, it is why I find it very funny when people praise Social Security. I have found that they don't mind giving it to the wealthy, who absolutely do not need it, but they balk at doing so for everyone else unless they are forced to. And, about half of us cannot afford to force them to. So, we just slowly waste away. I mean, we are not making anyone rich, and we are not rich ourselves, so in the modern America's eyes, people like me have no worth or merit.
You'd think they would at least try to streamline the ability to remove ourselves since they don't seem to want us around. But, that would start a revolt, so they act like they care while in actuality making it impossible for most to get anything from the fund they paid into their entire lives.
By design, of course.
That is why I am glad I found the DU. I sometimes feel that this may be the last refuge of the sane.
I went to the ER around 9 a.m.. They took my vitals and drew blood. The results of the bloodwork were on their website in about five minutes. After seeing the results of the vitals and the bloodwork and after seeing just how insane the ER was at the moment, I decided to leave. They were slammed and they had more than one 'Karen' walking around berating everyone as if the entire staff were put there just for their convenience. Plus, lots of hacking and sniffling. I did not want to keep my hubby or myself in that environment just to have them send me home anyway.
But, seeing as how our hospital systems are all going to be like this soon enough, I guess it is time to really face the reality of the situation. Healthcare is dead for most of us. Oh sure, it is out there, but after the financial damage, you might as well be dead anyway.
I don't know why I expected society to progress. The evidence to the contrary was right there in my face the entire time. I was as deluded as the rest, I guess. Too much Star Trek. Too much 'hopeful' science fiction. Too much dreaming. Well, dreamers get rewarded with dream solutions. We need real solutions. Which we as a nation don't seem to want, it seems. 
Whether or not this a good thing depends on who you ask.
(There are a few folks out there who would celebrate my passing. What is funny is that I never did anything to them. They just decided that they hated everything about me and that I should contract a wasting disease and suffer the longest anyone has suffered. I have no idea why they want this. They just do. I suppose it is part of the dangers of doing a public job (i.e.: performer).
I am glad you are doing okay at the moment.