What keeps you going through your darkest moments?

[Locut0s]

For me it's the thought of what I would do to my parents if I decided to end it all, commit suicide. I can't do that to them, as hard as it is to go on during my darkest times and as much as I've hurt them up till now, far more than I should have, I couldn't do that to them. Although the way I treat myself it would not be surprising if I had a heart attack or something and died that way. I just want to escape it all, but one must find some way of slogging on I suppose.

[TexasTowelie]

1. Weed!

Would you expect anything different from TexasTowelie though?

[Locut0s]

2. Coming from someone who lives in one of the weed capitals of NA this is going to sound odd...

I've never tried weed. Oh and I live in Vancouver Canada where it's all but legal. I'm actually quite curious about its effect on my moods and would be interested in trying it. However suffering from bad depression and anxiety I'm also quite reticent about taking it. Weed can have some bad psychological side effects if you are prone to them, paranoia, and worse. Wouldn't want to touch off a psychotic break. Also there's the interactions with the medications I'm already taking. Not that I don't play a dangerous game as it is what with the SSRIs and binge drinking on weekends.

[TexasTowelie]

6. I'd definitely would be more concerned about the alcohol than weed.

As for my personal consumption, I tend to be the quiet, giggly drunk. However, I know others that are belligerent and others that fall deep into depression when consuming it.

I can also recount many times where I've heard stories of cocaine/crack users who fall into suicidal feelings when coming off highs from those drugs for several days afterwards. It's difficult to believe that short amount of euphoria is worth it considering the paranoia that comes while using it and the depressive state after using.

[Downwinder]

3. Stubbornness, as much as anything.

I have been fighting for so long I don't know how to quit.

[Locut0s]

4. That's an interesting way of looking at it. Over the years though...

I seem to keep finding new lows. I was told when I was younger that things would get better with age. And I have to admit I find that to be the truth for some aspects to life. It seems that I have less anxiety about situations as I age. I suppose it's just exposure to the breadth of possible outcomes, once you have experienced it all there's less to fear. But that doesn't seem to hold so much for the depression side of the equation.

[Downwinder]

5. But look at the high you get when you win.

It does not have to be a physical fight. It can be any challenge. Making a computer do what someone told you could not be done. Making it through the day.

Everything is a puzzle with a solution, the problem is finding it.