5+ hour road trip that accomplished nothing...

[Locut0s]

A 5+ hour road trip today to chauffeur my parents around in the car. The trip should have been 2 hours or so but we got stuck in several traffic jams. We got little to nothing done. We had a meal that made us nauseous. My mother has anxiety and control issues and was worried and anxious about every little thing the whole way. She's also a back seat driver when she gets that way. Nagging me the whole way. It was a crappy rainy day.

I need to find my own interests and get away from my parents more. I went cause I need the driving practice and there was a free meal in it But the meal sucked.

I feel drained

[elleng]

1. Sorry, but

you DID get the driving practice, 3 hours more than you expected!

[Locut0s]

5. Hah lol that's true. nt.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. I think your trip accomplished something, my dear Locut0s...

It brought home to you the necessity of getting away from them and their toxic environment.

And of course you're drained! I can just hear your mom. I would be drained too...

But it's done now, so take the lesson and go run with it.

Let someone else drive them.

[Locut0s]

6. Thanks Peggy. Unfortunately it's harder for me...

It's harder for me to get away. I've been diagnosed by my psychiatrist with an enmeshed personality with my father. Basically this means we depend on each other emotionally far too much, we copy each other, we have the same worries and anxieties, we get depressed together. It's an unhealthy relationship, I never really developed on my own enough. My relationship with my mother is different but there are a dependencies there as well. I really really need to build up my own personality and character and become independent but it's difficult because of these unhealthy emotional dependencies.

Thanks though it IS eye opening to have these bad trips.

[NYC_SKP]

3. I feel for you, felt the same way many times over. Please try to enjoy them while you can.

A couple years ago:



Two months ago:

[Locut0s]

7. Yes of course, sorry, I wasn't thinking that...

I actually am TOO close to my parents. My psychiatrist has diagnosed me with an enmeshed personality with my father. I suppose that's why they get under my skin so easily. But I fully agree with what you are saying, I dread the day they will be gone. Though for my own emotional health insurance need to start building up my own personality and independence.

[annm4peace]

4. sounds like me and my folks

big hug.

maybe a good therapist will give us some good advise in dealing with this type of situtation

and how to deal with parents who have anxiety.

[Locut0s]

8. Yeah it's difficult because...

My relationship with my parents is too close. I need to become my own person and spread my wings but the multiple emotional dependencies I've built up over the years makes it difficult. Also until I graduate from college and get a good job it will be difficult to move out. So it's difficult for me to separate myself from them as much as I really need to.

[olddots]

9. when my relationship with my parents ended

other relationships with other people became awkward too but never to the point of parent child relationships .It would be nice to be a Vulcan or purely logical being but maybe that can't exist in life forms .??????

[Locut0s]

10. I don't know that I'd want to be a Vulcan...

I prize my emotional experiences of things like movies, books, and the arts too much to not want those experiences. I enjoy socializing too, though I find some aspects difficult. I just wish I could rewind the clock and add back in the 15 years or so of social experiences I'm missing from my life. It's difficult to explain what it's like being 30+ and never having stepped away from your parents for more than a week, never been out to a party with friends, never danced, never held hands with a girl, never kissed, never had very close friends, never taken chances, never stepped out of my comfort zone emotionally, etc... I'm exaggerating the importance of some of these things certainly but they definitely add up to something important. Again I don't want to be a Vulcan, I just want to be less of a raw nerve.

[No Vested Interest]

15. It occurs to me that being part of a semi-large group- 12-30 people-

where you could be more or less an observer for a good period, would be an opportunity to feel your way socially without too much obligation, -i.e.- the feeling that all eyes were on you and that you had to live up to others' expectations.

I'm thinking of something like a book club open to the public, such as a library would sponsor. Perhaps a volunteer group working together for a common goal.

I know, it's easy for me to sit at a keyboard and type suggestions that you may have already tried, or that don't exist where you live, but it could be used as a springboard to what might realistically be out there.

I'm thinking a little daytime or evening separation time from parents can be helpful for all concerned. It's gives one another look at a portion of humanity and builds up our experience in dealing with and feeling comfortable about our interaction with them.

Build on your 7-11 experience; you surely dealt with all types of humanity there, and apparently quite successfully. Relating your experiences with the experiences you will have in a group setting enlarges your world and your ability to cope and relate.

What do you think? Could that be helpful, or am I way off track? If I'm out-of-order in these suggestions, please forgive me. They're well-intended, and like everyone, it's possible that I can bomb too.

[Locut0s]

16. You're not out of order at all, thanks you...

In fact I have joined a couple of Meetup.com groups for the express purpose of socializing. These have so far gone fairly well, but I'm really just starting. Tomorrow I have a photography group I'm joining. We are car pooling and going up the coast to shoot pictures and socialize. Getting to the point where it's not something special I'm doing but is just 2nd nature is going to take time though. And in the mean time my life still isn't varied enough. The walks I'm doing are helping me emotionally a fair bit, but when I get back from them I DO find myself at a loss for what to do.

The flip side of that coin is that I have another semester of university coming up which will be REALLY jam packed with work. You would think that's just what I need, but I'm worried about it, I can't seem to get my head into that space right now. We will see.

Thanks for the suggestions, they are very much appreciated!

[No Vested Interest]

17. It sounds as though you're on the right track.

Perhaps a little impatient that it all takes time to happen, but impatience seems to be part and parcel of life for all of us in the 21st century.

Recognizing that your university schedule will be heavy gives you time to think it through and not overburden yourself to where you will be overwrought about it. Bottom line, your schedule has to fit you and your needs, not you fit the schedule. Easily said, I know, but being forewarned will enable you to work it as brest you can for your own situation.

Good luck. We'll be watching for future updates.

[olddots]

11. I use the Vulcan thing to get away

from reality sometimes --it never works so I understand how you feel .Some of the free meals we have to contend with are like nightmares .How are your family holidays ?

[Locut0s]

12. Most of my family holidays have been good. However...

However they have usually also been stressful. My mother has great difficulty spending money and doing so causes her stress. Add this stress to the usual stresses of being on vacation and her other constant anxieties and she can be difficult on holiday. I in turn am easily set off by my parents moods so it's not unusual to have a bad argument or two on almost every holiday trip we take, little blowouts and the like. It's never serious and always resolves itself but I don't think we've ever had a holiday without some small incident.

[olddots]

13. traveling with people equals stress X 200

Did you ever get into one of those settings where it seems like things couldn't get more uncomfortable ? oops gotta crash have dr. appointment at 9 A.M and A.M. is for the birds .

[Denninmi]

14. Sorry, buddy.

The thing about you is, you know what you need to do, and you are doing it. It's hard, trust me, been there done that. But, it's like a snowball rolling down hill, starts slowly and gathers momentum and mass as it rolls along. You'll get there.