Lend me strength.

[Locut0s]

I thank everyone here for the wonderful support they have offered me over these past few months. I've posted far too much and been a bit of a whiner. Everyone has been amazing. Just a warning I may post some more as I head into what is going to be my post difficult hurdle to get through. First day of classes starts tomorrow and time and again school has struck me down sooner or later. I may need some extra strength to get through this. Worried now but trying to stay calm as much as I can.

[elleng]

1. BREATHE,

and think of the millions who have gone through it, both with and without emotional issues.

NO ONE is perfect. The most we can do is take it one day at a time, and BREATHE!

[Locut0s]

3. Thanks elleng. One day at a time indeed...

Talking over my issues with my psychiatrist I've come to realize that one of my primary issues is perfectionism. I've always known I suffered from it but until recently didn't realize it played as important a role in my emotional makeup as it does. I'm never satisfied emotionally without that 90+% grade or the realization that I went that extra mile. Historically I would get through about 2/3 of a semester with great grades but slowly getting behind in some areas, as procrastination and bad study habits are also part of the package for me, and then things would come to a head and I would be overwhelmed and give up. I've managed to drop university 4 or 5 times now because of it. It's become my Achilles Heal in the road of life.

I REALLY need to learn to take things one day at a time. Emotionally when I think of school I get this rush of anxiety because I'm taking it in in my head all at once. 7 courses, all that work, all that responsibility, the awkward social moments, the small failures that add up, I think of it all as one unit. But if I can manage to take it slowly, bit by bit I KNOW I have the intelligence and drive to excel at it like no one else. I just don't know if I can manage to parse the problem bit by bit like this. I'm certainly going to try though and I have some tools in my emotional tool box I didn't have in previous years so maybe it will be enough.

[elleng]

5. Fortunately for me, I've never had those problems,

been 'adequate,' and that's been OK, Locut0s.

Really no need 'to excel at it like no one else,' no kidding.

[Locut0s]

6. If I could just drill that old phrase into this noggin...

"C's get degrees"

I don't even need to aim to be satisfied with something as low as that, just NOT to be satisfied with anything but perfection. Time and again I've seen my classmates eek by with far lower grades and what I thought was a poor understanding of the subject, yet they graduated and I gave up. Got to not let that keep happening.

[elleng]

7. Sounds like its not the noggin, Locut0s,

more like the emotions.

If understanding the subject is your goal, you can do that with less than perfect grades. (I'm a lawyer, so I KNOW that to be true; we PRACTICE law!)

I didn't give up, with less than perfect grades, and argued a case in the 7th Circuit Court of Appeals not long after passing the Bar, and said to myself, "If I can do THIS, I can do ANYTHING!" Court thanked me, (was an appointed case.) Lost the case, but I DID it!

[Locut0s]

8. That's very true...

In fact my psychiatrist was just saying last time I saw him that I always have all the answers even before he opens his mouth. I have it all worked out correctly up here in the head, but I don't FEEL it. He was trying to think of how to work around this as I was correctly diagnosing my own issues and giving him the right solutions in the same sentence before he even commented yet the real issue is I didn't know it emotionally. And the distance from knowing something intellectually and knowing it emotionally can be quite large at times.

Thanks for the inspiration I'll try to keep that in mind!

[elleng]

9. Please do keep it in mind,

if it helps.

[LiberalEsto]

2. Hang in there!

Sending you good vibes and wishing you luck with school.

[Locut0s]

4. Thank you very much LiberalEsto, it means much! nt.

[No Vested Interest]

10. Make it a point to get a good night's rest and

get to your first class with time to spare.
Try to organize your materials so that there's no last minute searching.
Eat a good breakfast and a nutritious lunch.

Sounds pretty basic, huh?
Nut these everyday living items work just as well at the university level as they did years ago.

Good luck, and enjoy yourself.
Smile!

[Tobin S.]

11. I'll also add a few basic ideas.

Sit in the front row in class. That helps me focus on what the professors are saying.

Stay current on the homework. Don't procrastinate.

[Tobin S.]

12. Have you talked to your therapist specifically about school?

There may be a mental block there that doesn't necessarily involve perfectionism.

[olddots]

13. I feel that this all will be easier now for you

you ask very good questions and will get great answers and results .

[Denninmi]

14. Oh, please, you are fighting in the bantam class!

Trust me, I am the heavyweight of whining, posting far too often, and giving away WAY too many personal details. Ya got nothing on me, kid.

Post away, it's what we're here for. I was talked down of the ledge more times than I can count, the least we can do is help you get through school.

You'll do great. You just need to be the confident, proactive winner you have been all summer. Locut0s 2.0. We all have faith in you and are here for you any time 24/7.

Keep up the good work, brother.

[hunter]

15. Hug.

Personally, as an autistic spectrum dude I don't like hugs from anyone I'm not extremely close too, but I do understand the metaphor...

Even so I'd hug you.

and support and strength. Whatever it takes.