Borderline Personality Disorder

[no_hypocrisy]

Last edited Mon Aug 27, 2018, 11:52 AM - Edit history (2)

Finally! I believe I have found the explanation for my father's irrational behavior from the time I was 2 years to his death 4 years ago.

9 traits of BPD.

On top of the ground being shifted under my feet, my father would accuse me of inciting his sudden explosive anger and encourage my mother and siblings to accept that blame, thereby alienating me from my family. And then he'd gaslight me, accusing me of imagining something was wrong with him. He also had explosive hysteria syndrome.

I always believed it wasn't me but the gaslighting was almost too much to bear.

You have no idea how much better I feel.

[Harker]

1. Some idea, maybe.

I'm glad for your having gained that understanding and the ability to see clearly that what was happening was not and is not your fault.

[2naSalit]

2. My dad and brother

had/have this disorder though they both exhibit(ed) clear signs of psychopathy as well, they both are avid women haters and show it with horrid violence.

[no_hypocrisy]

3. It's like living inside a bell that's been rung.

My only way of dealing with it was to simply stay away.

Dad got the last word: He disinherited me AND my brother and sister.

[2naSalit]

6. I wished the way he died on my dad

and it came true, took 20 years but it happened just like I wished for. It was ugly as hell but I never regretted wishing for him to suffer and be unable to speak on his death bed. I even went to see him just before he died, it was on the long train ride home that I realized that I finally got what I wished for... without regret. I have spent most of our adult lives being estranged from my brother, no regrets there either after they way they tortured and enslaved me as a child.

Our substantial inheritance was stolen by his 3rd wife who changed his will after his tongue as amputated.. he died a long, slow death by cancer of the tongue and larynx.

I still haven't visited his grave.

[Neema]

4. I'm so glad you have answers.

And I'm sorry for what you suffered. My mother was never diagnosed but I always suspected this.

I then had a boss who WAS diagnosed with this and a number of other mental issues as well as Parkinson's. I know because, when I was in his good graces, he shared all of his medical history with me. Then of course I became the enemy just as quickly as I became a superstar and it was over. I vowed to never work for another person again who displayed similar symptoms.

[RestoreAmerica2020]

5. Thank you. Fascinating topic. Humans are complex beings the more we know, the more we understand

...one another, ourselves.

[Duppers]

7. I watch that just the other day, coincidentally.

I have a friend diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. On top of everything else, it's most difficult to get her to understand anything that she herself has not experienced.

You have my total sympathy.
My mother rates high on the NPD scale which comes with things you mentioned. I proudly keep a little stuffed Black Sheep in my bookcase.

[nadine_mn]

8. I have a diagnosis of BPD

Watching this video made so many things click and made me so sad. My teens and 20's (ok even into my 30's) were basically everything she described as far as mood swings, intense relationships, lack of identity etc.

Somehow, I managed to get one thing right... I am married to an amazing (and patient and loving) man...we'll be celebrating 20 yrs of marriage in Jan. Therapy has definitely helped.

I am so saddened by how my BPD has impacted others, to make others feel like they have to walk on egg shells around me. It particularly hurts because I was raised by a parent with NPD, I always had to be on guard around her and know how terrifying that can feel. To know that I made others feel the same ... coworkers, family, friends...breaks my heart.

I feel every emotion with such intensity...it overwhelms me and has scared me into basically being a recluse. I haven't worked in ten years, not since my last flame out bridge burning disaster. The concept of being in a work environment again scares me - what if I haven't changed? I feel like I have mellowed with age and have more insight, but I would hate to hurt anyone else ever again.

This video really helped me get a better understanding of my diagnosis...I am sharing it with my husband in hopes it brings some clarity to why our early years were so intense.

[no_hypocrisy]

9. (((HUGS)))

[Lotusflower70]

10. Thank you for sharing

I am glad you feel better and got answers. So many times when something is happening to us or going on around us, we keep wondering why or what did we do. We turn inward and second guess ourselves. We start to doubt, blame and question. Is it my fault? What did I do wrong? Whether we are parent or child. Even a significant other or friend. We start to think we are responsible. But getting answers is important. I hope it gives you peace.