The social stigma of PTSD

[backtoblue]

I was assaulted a few years back by the owner of a funeral home I managed. As a result, I could no longer continue my career as an embalmer.

I was diagnosed with PTSD due to the assault and the years of dead bodies.

It's gotten to the point where I don't tell anyone about it. The first question is "were you in the military?". When I would say no, I was assaulted, I get a look mixed with pity and disbelief. Then there are people who just dismiss my horror and think I'm just mentally weak.

It's hard enough to cope without the stares and whispers. I know I shouldn't care what people think of me, but sometimes I feel like the town crazy. Even worse is when I'm asked if i ever go into a "rage". Makes me feel like a monster.

Does anyone here deal with PTSD? It's a lonely affliction...

[alittlelark]

1. It is Very Lonely.... rarely talk about it.

[backtoblue]

2. .

It's alienating and so misunderstood.

[applegrove]

3. Yes. I tell everyone. And my everyone I mean the people in my life

who are not ***holes. PTSD has me allergic to ***holes. So there are none in my life. I do fine most of the time with nice people. There are so many things I wish I could do which I can't. But mostly I just wish I did not have so many moments when I am afraid for me and others. As to loneliness i like to spend time alone and always have, even before I developed ptsd in my 30s. I have a lovely family and other people in my life every few days. I have to work too hard to hear so that i have always found being alone relaxing where I can think about the world or read. And feel connected that way. Always have. So i don't get the loneliness you are talking about. I am both very unlucky and very lucky. Meds help a great deal.

[backtoblue]

5. Im down to one friend

And a handful of family members.

I live in a very small town. My assault was in the local news so nearly everyone knew what happened.

The fear and anxiety is crippling at times.

[applegrove]

8. Oh that is tough. I just had to give up my hairdresser because she

Last edited Thu Jan 3, 2019, 08:52 PM - Edit history (1)

was gossiping about me to me. So I get the small town thing. Only my small town gaslit me. That does make it very much worse. Treat the DU and the internet like the campfire we would have been sitting around thousands of years ago..telling our story to our peeps.(((HUGS))). Yes crippling. I had a DUI as I started drinking heavily after I was traumatized at 30. That really affected my adrenaline. So I can't ski or drive or ride a bike. Or watch any exciting sport on the tv. I can't work. Which I miss probably the most this month. Someone I trust a great deal told me this month not to work as my trust issue are unfair to put on others. So that is another dream gone. Gossip gets to my friends and I lose them. Pretty hard life so I'm glad I'm on meds. I was always very soft. Never would have chosen this life. My life is too big for me. All I can do is politics online, evolutionary psychology and read novels and cultural histories. I find focusing my interests gives me joy. And time for family.

[backtoblue]

9. A warm, cozy campfire...

That is an excellent visual!

Sorry about the gossipy hair dresser. At least you know not to go back to her now.

Assholes gonna be assholes

[applegrove]

10. There used to be a computer psychologist called Eliza. She was

just a bunch of algorithms. I talked to her a few times. Now i have a great doctor. But mostly I had such great friends and some family members when it happened. And free healthcare. But yeah. The campfire every evening and hearing stories again and again and telling yours would be nice. My grandmother's both told stories. A dying art. All my best in the new year.

[ThingsGottaChange]

12. Be glad

some of us don't have anyone. Swirls around in the head endlessly. To anyone wondering - i have no access to any kind of help or anyone to talk to. Yes, I am losing it. Big time. I'm ready to go...

all the best, backtoblue,

[backtoblue]

13. I'm grateful for having some support

And my heart goes out to you.

You wanna talk about it?

[CaliforniaPeggy]

4. My dear backtoblue!

I haven't dealt with PTSD, but I know a little about being regarded as strange.

My heart goes out to you. Being lonely also adds into it.

How about a therapist?

I hope that this will pass and leave you in a much better place.

[backtoblue]

6. Thank you Peggy

I spent two years in counseling. It helped me deal with "triggers" better.

I've always been kind of a loner, but sometimes it feels like I'm being sucked out into the ocean.

Thank goodness for my cyber friends!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

7. ...

[Siwsan]

11. I only recently shared my abuse history with my family

Experiences both as a child, and in the military. Both have most definite triggers. Fortunately for me, once they got past the shock, my family has been beyond supportive.

And, I just passed the 4 year anniversary of when I almost died from Carbon Monoxide poisoning. The holidays are a big trigger for that experience, and for the experience of losing my sister and my mom, within a month of the holiday season.

[backtoblue]

14. The holidays are especially hard.

I like to think that we'll see our loved ones again, perhaps in another life, afterlife, or future cosmic journey.


Carbon monoxide is a scary gas!

[cpamomfromtexas]

15. I had no idea what I had. I just thought my brain was broken.

[hunter]

16. PTSD is a diagnosis I cope with by denial.

I cut off anyone who get's too close: friends, family, doctors and other mental health professionals...

That's the wrong way to deal with it.

[PeeJ52]

17. I try to deal, I know what you mean about people don't get it if you weren't military...

I was hit with divorce after 26 years of marriage, depression, lung cancer, alcoholism, DUI, fired from job 8 weeks after lung cancer surgery and subsequent nine months unemployment all within one year of turning 50 years old. This was in 2002, so I had to pay for COBRA during those 9 months so that I maintained continuous insurance so I could be insured for a pre-existing condition when I got another job. Since I was on unemployment at $275 a week, just after splitting every thing in half with my wife in the divorce and paying her alimony, (she got the money, I got the debt), I also went broke.

I have seen psychiatric help every since 2002 and they all say it's PTSD because it was just too much to handle, too fast. I've been on almost every kind of medication out there. It has been impossible for me to hold a steady job since 2002 because I always get too defensive when I get the least bit of criticism. Even though I've been awarded Employee of the month awards early in my stays at 4 different employers since then, I always end up getting fired because I eventually get paranoid and freak out. Thankfully I'm 66 now and retired. At least now I have peace. Except when I sleep. The dreams won't stop... I don't even try to tell any one.