"You were not the mother I wanted."

[3Hotdogs]

My friend's daughter texted this to her, last week. The two of them have had a difficult time over the last 15 years.

My two kids --- well, I get along better with my two stepdaughters than I do with my direct offspring.


So the question: What is/was the mother - father you wanted?


I got pretty lucky with the parent I had. I was an only child so all attention was on me. We were working class poor, so I didn't always get the new baseball glove I wanted or such. But they were there at school concerts. They volunteered as scout leaders. -- the outward things that are observable and quantifiable.

The thing of it is, I knew I was wanted. Even when I fucked up on many occasions, I knew I was wanted.

But I didn't "want" them. They were not "cool" like Mr. & Mrs. A, up the street. Or my father didn't have a good, high paying job like most of the men in my community. The town I grew up in, is one of the 10 wealthiest zip codes in the nation.

You? What was the parent you wanted.

[mopinko]

1. i just wanted my dad sober and healthy.

i dont think my kids realize how much of my struggles were w my body, not my life. i didnt at the time.
my early memories of him are so sweet, but later…
it wasnt until recently i realized that i inherited my autoimmune troubles from him. they make me drink. i wish i could talk to him again. been gone since i was 17.

[markie]

2. heavy question

for those of us with certain issues...

when I was a kid, I was too confused to even think about what I wanted (or needed)... it was enough struggle just to survive

I know I am not the mother my kids wanted... but here we are

[CTyankee]

3. I wanted parent who didn't fight all the time.

It got physical and I would run and hide. Alcohol was always the cause.

[MutantAndProud]

4. Heavy question indeed... I'd have to pick: tolerant of religious political and orientation differences

Not an unreasonable authoritarian who thinks (or thought) anyone LGBTQ+ was broken/damaged/demonically possessed or in need or psychiatric treatment or lobotomization… or outright evil and satanic simply because they weren’t Republicans or didn’t agree with everything the church said.

Before my siblings and I attempted to be independent things were relatively reasonably ok as long as the eggshells we walked on didn’t crack. After? Well, see above 👆

Less bickering, faking for appearances sake, drinking and fighting to badly cope with the church/family-forbidden alternative of getting a divorce.

That’s also the abridged edition.

So, not that.

Someone who encouraged college, engaging (in a non-propagandistic way) with new opinions and making friends even if they didn’t agree with them, and the concept of therapy, independence, financial skills, job interviews and other practical things. That didn’t pit siblings against each other and act as spies to rat on non-church-approved-anything, or rope us in as metaphorical human shields in their endless arguments, or force us to take almost all initiative to get any independence or skills from them or the church, or call us stupid for not absorbing all information perfectly at their level under that stress growing up. That would’ve been nice.

[ShepKat]

5. my youngest did the same to me

blocked me out of her life since 2017. She had been groomed by her master manipulator father her whole life and it accelerated when I left him in 2014, when she was 30. My granddaughter doesn't know me. She's a tennessee trumper 100%.

I didn't get the mother i wanted either but I still took care of her on her deathbed and never kicked her out of my life.

[2naSalit]

6. I wanted to get away from my parents at a very early age.

They were abusive and selfish, had a pile of kids and treated us like possessions and laborers. If they even gave half a shit about our well being and educational potential, I would have been okay with that. Instead I was enslaved for seven years caring for their offspring that came after me until I was relieved by the arrival of a step-mother and her kids who ended up treating me as even less of a human being in most cases. The one thing that woman did was recognize some of my artistic abilities, but that was only hobby level.

I wanted parents that gave a shit and treated me with respect and human dignity. I wouldn't be so disappointed in what I was able to achieve this time around on the planet. I'll take that to my grave.

[GreenWave]

7. Since when do sperm cells dictate who the parents will be?

Could be something like "Bizarre heat wave blankets the Midwest during the winter. GreenWave to be born nine months later."

[debm55]

8. I wanted parents who didn't abuse mephysically, emotionally and sexually. and still think I owe

them anything they want because I am their child(I am 68)