Any comforting words or advice for a parent whose baby is leaving for college?

[Bonobo]

My oldest, my sweet daughter, is leaving for college in a about 1.5 months or so and I can already feel the tears coming when I think about it.

Does anyone have any words of comfort? Something to make me feel better?

I have 2 boys left at home, 15 and 9, but it still hurts... my little girl...

[Melissa G]

1. It is wonderful that your separation from

your beloved daughter was gentle enough for you to feel tears at the very though, yet still having a month and a half left.

When my eldest left, we were tearful, but both a bit glad to see the back side of each other. It's been a couple of years and we are enjoying each other again. My youngest leaves at the same time as your eldest. Time will tell about that passing. I admit to a bit of excitement from the liberation from full time parenting.

It is lovely, if a bit bittersweet, to watch your beautiful bird children fly from the next. Enjoy that part too. It shows you what a good job you did raising them!

[Bonobo]

2. Oh thank you, Melissa.

Yes, those are helpful words. Watching the children fly with the strength and beauty that we passed down to them... a lovely thought.

Thank you sincerely.

[Lionessa]

3. #1 Quit calling her a baby. If she's made it to college she deserves more respect,

even if you are her father.

[Bonobo]

4. Sad response.

Angry and undeserving.

You do not have any reason to conclude by that that I do not respect her adequately but you have earned MY disrespect for your obnoxious reply.

Perhaps you are dealing with your own issues. It sounds like it.

To parents, all their children remain, in some sense, their "babies".

[Lionessa]

7. It is deserved because very few would call a son their baby, it seems mostly for women and used

mostly by men.

[Bonobo]

9. Wrong. My boys are my babies too.

If you cannot understand a parents' view of their children, you should stay off this thread.

You are just being obnoxious.

[kdmorris]

15. I would say that mothers call their children their "baby" much more than men

I have always called my youngest daughter my "baby". She is, after all, my youngest child. Until I found out I was pregnant with twins in November.

She said (sadly, I might add) "Now I won't be your baby anymore". I told her that she will not be the youngest anymore, but she will always be my baby.

I don't call her that because I disrespect her. I call her that because I love her and find it hard to believe that 21 years have gone by.

[Bonobo]

5. Oh you're the gun "person" with the attitude. Just remembered.

It explains the obnoxious reply.

I feel better now.

[Lionessa]

6. Would you be calling your son a baby if he was the first to go? Very sexist to call women babies.

My gun attitude is that there needs to be regulations and bans and registrations, just as Obama is suggesting and most of Americans, so you can quit trying to paint my gun position as extreme.

[Bonobo]

8. Absolutely, both my sons are my babies as well.

When you grow up and if you ever pull it together enough to become a parent, you might understand.

[Lionessa]

10. OMG, my children would beat me silly if I disrespected them in that way.

Of course it doesn't help that I'm currently watching UP with Chris Hayes and it's all about women's equality and the subtleties used to keep women in their place. Then I bounce over to here for a sec and see a young women being called a baby, not even enough respect to call her a child, but a baby..... ICK!

[Bonobo]

11. Sorry to hear that your children would beat you for that.

I have a good relationship with my children and they certainly have enough love, respect, intelligence and wisdom for them to understand that the word "baby" in this case was simply a term of endearment by a father who was trying to express the tender feelings of love that he has towards them.

You really are rude and small-minded to do this on my thread.

[Lionessa]

13. Does it make you feel like a big man attempting to abase soemone online?

Differing opinions don't normally require such venom. Clearly I've struck a nerve for you behave thusly. Perhaps you should evaluate yourself for why you're responding so.

Our opinions are clearly different as I would imagine our parenting styles do as well. I don't see that as reason or justification for you to lose your civility. But hey, please continue to reflect upon yourself the apparent discomfort my thoughts on the matter have caused you.

Bless your heart.

[Bonobo]

14. Ha! As if you didn't jump on a nice thread attacking me. nt

[Lionessa]

18. If supporting your daughter's mature success and adulthood makes you feel attacked,

then I'd repeat as I've said already, you have some issues.

[Bonobo]

19. Anyone reading this thread would conclude, as I did, that your attack on me was WAY out of line.

This was my first post ever in the Parenting Group, and I was really shocked to see that people like you troll around here waiting to jump on people.

The fact is that you are the sexist one.

You would not attack a mother who called her children "babies" and yet you attack me simply because I am a man -accusing me of not respecting my daughter.

I really don't want to have any more interactions with you. Please stay away from me.

[Lionessa]

20. Now you're omniscent too. Wow, what a peach.

All anyone has to do is read your Men's Group OPs to understand who's the sexist.

[Bonobo]

22. Please stop stalking me in this thread. I told you I don't want to interact with you.

[hollysmom]

12. YOur chioldren never really leave you

they take a piece of you with them where ever they go.

[kdmorris]

16. It's hard when the first one leaves

Take comfort in the fact that you've done the best you can to raise her to be prepared for college. It's an exciting new world for her, to learn so much about the world around her.

Yes, you are going to miss her, but she WILL be back. How far away is the college? Can she come home for holidays, etc to make the distance seem less?

Our youngest decided to go to college at a university that's close enough to home to drive (5 miles away). I have mixed feelings about that, because I'm thrilled she's home each night, I feel like maybe she would have done better to go out into the world and fend for herself, to be more independent. My other two have already left home, but are in the area, so we see them often.

The relationship changes when they leave home, but I find that it's for the better. You move from the relationship of a teenager and parent to two adult people getting along in the world. And then - you see the results of the years of nurturing in the young men and women that they become. It's pretty awesome really, though it still feels scary and sad when they first leave home. (plus, suddenly, you aren't as stupid to them as you were when they were 14, because they realize that there's a lot more to life than home )

[Melissa G]

17. Yeah, I really like that part!

(plus, suddenly, you aren't as stupid to them as you were when they were 14, because they realize that there's a lot more to life than home )

Nice to see my IQ go up in my oldest's estimation. Will be glad when that happens with my youngest!

[uppityperson]

23. I dropped my son off, drove away and ended up a block later crying in a parking lot with many other

cars of parents. The best and hardest thing to do is stay positive, let them know you are excited for them and will miss them. And I know what you mean.

[Bonobo]

24. Awww, shit.

This is gonna be hard.

[uppityperson]

25. It only took a few minutes, then was onward again. It is a changing experience.

You'll make it, and yes, it may be hard.

[SwampG8r]

26. well i have sent 3 to school

and the first thing they learned was their way home.lol

[NotThisTime]

27. Not the same, but dropped D off at boarding school this year

I thought the transition would be hell, I thought I'd sob from now until forever, but surprisingly I didn't and she didn't, in fact she soon became happy as a clam with only a few pangs of homesickness, she has involved herself in sports and activities and of course more schoolwork than she ever bargained for. The initial months I was okay, it was a 3 hour drive if we wanted to see her on a weekend or go down to watch a game, then it became more difficult which is odd because we've actually seen her more since December when she started to do travel sports and we have been to all the tournaments, so we see her even more! Maybe that's why it's been harder the second half of the year.

I thought it my rosy world we'd skype and text and talk on the phone... NO... she's too busy. The second half of the year she's tried to be better at texting. She's really busy, so while us parents do miss them, they aren't missing us so much... which after all is what we wanted for them, we wanted them to be independent and yet have a soft place to fall when they need to. D has landed a few times this year with the really unexpected work load, it is intense.

So, know that when you drop her off, it is just the beginning, you will find a balance with her, it might take some time, but believe me you will look forward to those long weekends or breaks... Now my S on the other hand is supposed to go to college in the Fall, but we can't get him to go, like as in he won't leave the house, he won't go to college near the house and he won't go to college away from the house... we have no idea what to do with him... that's an entirely different topic.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

28. Not a parent myself, but think of it this way:

At her age, it would be abnormal for her to say, "Don't make me go to college! Let me stay with you and Mom forever!"

You've raised a daughter who is ready to step out into the world. You will adjust, and you will enjoy watching her grow and mature over the next four years. (I was always amazed at how much my students grew and matured between ages 18 and 22.)