A sad update on Tegwen, the sweet little feral kitten I desperately tried to save

[Siwsan]

She has crossed the Rainbow Bridge and is now with her sisters, Dwyn and Twyla. This was the most difficult thing I've experienced since losing Tudor. Twyla was a tiny girl. Dwyn was only slightly bigger. Tegwen was just beautiful. They were all fluffballs. I now know that all 3 were lost to anemia due to fleas. I only started looking after them when their mom stopped. One by one. Twyla was the first.

Sunday, which was the last night of Dwyn's life I had her in a pouch, strapped to my chest. She was so weak. Somehow she wiggled out when I briefly fell asleep. I woke up because she had crawled up and nestled on my shoulder and gave me some head nuzzles. That was at about 3am. She crossed the bridge at 6. Just before she left she let out the sweetest little meow, as if she was saying goodbye.

Tegwen did almost the exact same thing. She was a fighter and tried so hard to stay. I've never seen such tenacity in a kitten. But just before she left she inched her way to my shoulder and just before she left she said goodbye. She was a kitten who knew her own mind. Last night she really wanted to sleep on the floor so guess what old woman made up a makeshift mattress and joined her. Deep down in my heart I've known she would leave, very soon. I spent 8 hours, today, just holding her and trying my best to help her stay. It just wasn't meant to be.

I am shattered, both emotionally and physically because I haven't slept in 3 nights and barely eaten in 3 days. I'm going to give the outdoor babies their nightly treats, then the same with the indoor kidcats, and then I'm going to bed. The kidcats, particularly the boys, will be happy to have their mom back to snuggle with at night.

[bromeando]

1. Zoilacat

You need time to grieve. It will get better. I know...I've been there many times.

[Biophilic]

2. I'm so sorry. They had your love and care. That's important.

[Ocelot II]

3. So sorry! Flea anemia is a really hard thing to overcome in small kittens -

I know of a rescue that struggles with it also, even with professional vet help. You did the best you could for her and loved her as long as she was with you. Take care of yourself now!

[MuseRider]

4. They were so very lucky to have had you.

I know you know all the things but I just feel like I want to tell you this. Without you their little lives could have been awful. With you they knew the love we all need and they gave some right back to you. That is the best life has to offer and you provided it. I just had to say that just in case you ever start to wonder what else you could have done. Nothing is the answer. Love and care and safety is the answer, the only answer but it does not happen all the time.

[Polly Hennessey]

5. Oh, Siwsan, I have an empty feeling after reading your post.

You gave much and tried so hard. It wasn’t meant to be. The ache is forever but we never give up, do we.

[Polly Hennessey]

6. Oh, Siwsan, I have an empty feeling after reading your post.

You gave much and tried so hard. It wasn’t meant to be. The ache is forever but we never give up, do we.

[niyad]

7. Lady Bast, please take Your little Tegwen and her siblings gently home in Your

loving arms, and please send peace and comfort and healing to Your emissary, our beloved Siwsan, who gives her all to save these precious babies.

I am so very sorry for the loss of these precious babies, dear friend. They left knowing that they were loved and safe. I know your heart and spirit are breaking. Please be as good to yourself as you are to the little ones. We all grieve with, and for, you.

[GPV]

8. I'm so sorry! But, I am glad they knew love. Thank you!

[japple]

9. So sorry you are going thru this, but please stay strong and don't doubt yourself. You are the best caregiver

for little lost wild kitties and you need to rest. These babies are so fragile and if their mother is not around, we humans have to do the best we can. I have heard from friends in cat rescue that B12 can help for flea anemia but I don't know anything about dosing. I always keep fish mox (amoxicillin) and liquid B12 on hand, as well as topical flea treatment, and usually try to consult with those who have more expertise than I do. Hope you have someone to give advice on how to help the littlest ones. Bless you for always caring and always trying to help them survive.

[RockCreek]

10. Tegwan will stay with you always, and you with her

I rescued a litter of 4 kittens, at most 1 week old, left out in a box on the street on a cold evening over 20 years ago. I spent the first night trying to save all of them, but only one made it through the night. The sweet calico girl who was still alive, "Kitty", lasted about 3 more days. I was up almost all night, every night, and took her with me everywhere in a little "nest" that kept her warm and protected and next to me all day. I thought she was going to make it, but on about the 4th day she declined rapidly and died.
That was over 20 years ago. I have had many cats before and since who lived into their late teens. I have fostered many kittens and adults. And yet, I still sometimes think about sweet Calico Kitty who I only knew for a few days.

[TygrBright]

11. Holding you in my heart, Siwsan. n/t

[JMCKUSICK]

12. I'm so sorry Siswan

The more I ponder the meaning of things, the more convinced I become that some of us are meant to be love guides to our babies, meaning all we come across.
Please accept this incredible honor that has been bestowed upon the likes of us to give love so freely and importantly to those who've lost it or worse yet, never had it.
I heard a beautiful statement who I can't credit but it simply says that we must love fiercely to have a broken heart.
To die alone is to die lost is my fear for humans and animals. You have spared so many babies and adults that terrible event by the gift of your love, patience, warmth, kindness, generosity and faith.
I continue to talk to my Snuggles every day, thanking her for teaching me so much and I promise that the love I have for her is a gift I will share with all those like her, given the opportunity.
Finally, let me say why I'm so grateful for these moments:
I get to feel all the difficult emotions that come with love and loss, Safely.
God Speed and know you are in my heart, thoughts and hopes and dreams for the very best for you, including more opportunities for the gifts and costs of the greatest of these gifts.... LOVE

[niyad]

24. Thank you.

[onecaliberal]

13. Hugs.

They knew they were loved.

[Nululu]

14. So sad

Thanks for giving them love and warmth.

[virgdem]

15. I'm so sorry for the loss of sweet Tegwen..

You gave your all for these 3 babies. They were loved and cared for and sometimes, that just isn't enough. Please take care of yourself. You have all of your kitties who need your special brand of selfless love and devotion.💔🌈

[MerrilyMerrily]

16. Oh Siwsan

My eyes are full of tears. You wrote so beautifully and with such love. Sleep well knowing that you have given these angels just what they needed while they were here.

[MacKasey]

17. So sorry to hear about the 3 kittes

You did your best, and they did not pass alone. You gave them love and tenderness.

They are over the rainbow now and meeting up with Tudor , Morgan, Sophie and the rest of your kitties

[3catwoman3]

18. Your loving heart has had so many paw prints left on it.

[2naSalit]

19. ...

[jtb653]

20. just heartbreaking to hear

so sorry Siwsan.

[HeartsCanHope]

21. I'm so sorry Siwsan.

Hugs to you and the kidcats.

[ShazzieB]

22. Argh, i am SO sorry to hear this news!

I don't have much to add to all the heartfelt nessages already here, except to sad that I agree with all of them. I hope you sleep well tonight and that your kidcats give you tons of love and comfort.

[littlemissmartypants]

23. ❤️