Could this racism be a result of a disintegrating mind?

[ellenrr]

Or am I making excuses....
This friend I've known for some 15 years, only in recent years we have become closer.
She is 85 (I am 70) and a strong leftist, so I have always considered her.
So she considers herself.

Twice lately she has made a comment which I consider racist.
When I mentioned a restaurant, where I would ask about a job for refugees, she said "But they have a lot of Jews there". (She is not Jewish, I am.)
When someone was asking about a particular apartment complex, she said "There are a lot of Jews living there."
When I confronted her she said, she meant a lot of Orthodox Jews. And her rationale was "don't you like to live among people like you?"
I was very disturbed, but let it go.
After the 2nd remark, i know I have to talk to her. I feel very offended and would even if I weren't Jewish.
The reason I wonder about her mental adeptness is bec. she herself has told me on many occasions that she feels she isn't as smart, as 'mentally fit' as she once was.
or maybe she always was racist and it never emerged.

[Bernardo de La Paz]

1. Mini strokes can have a cumulative personality effect especially if they concentrate in one area. nt

[Wounded Bear]

2. Given the age you mention, I suspect it is childhood practices returning...

I'm only in my 60's, but I remember how different it was back then, when ethnic jokes were common and prejudices were not examined like they are these days.

It could be that approaching senility has her reverting to habits she learned as a child.

Just a thought.

[cyclonefence]

3. My mother, in the throes of Alzheimer's,

referred loudly and in his presence to one of the staff members at her care facility as an n-word, a word she would never have spoken when she was well. I apologized to the man she was speaking of, and he smiled and told me that that happens all the time when people begin to lose their minds, that he thought of it in the same way as losing bowel control--unpleasant to deal with, but not intentional on the patient's part.

[MLAA]

6. Same for my grandmother.

Kindest person I have ever known. Never a word or action to suggest racist tendencies or unkind thoughts about anyone individually or as a group. Then came dementia and at the end she did the same kind of thing at her nursing home. I’ve often wondered where it came from, I don’t think she could have hidden racists thoughts for 75 years without it coming out once (she lived in the south surrounded by overt racism). Is racism so deeply embedded in us all that even if we never consciously practice it, we are subconsciously fighting it until we no longer have the mental capacity to fight it?

[No Vested Interest]

8. I don't think it's racism, although I can't put my finger on it. Compare it to neurological

impairment such as Tourette's Syndrome, etc. People affected with these problems suddenly spout vulgarities and other heinous words that it's highly unlikely they even heard before.
I don't understand that part of impairment, but it's there.

[ellenrr]

4. thank you for your thoughts...

After the 1st time, I thot I would ignore it. After the 2nd time, I thot I must say something.
Now I am not sure.
I am reminded of someone who was 90 when she died, and she had some kind of (undiagnosed) cognitive impairment for the last 10 years of her life.
She was also in all ways that I knew her, a great progressive.
One day she had the newspaper spread out on the table to the births page, and she asked me what I saw. It turned out her "point" was that only women with Spanish surnames were giving birth. According to her. Not true of course. I didn't know what to say. By then, she had already exhibited very strange behavior and speech, particular denigrating various people for various attributes. I didn't know her before her mental coming-apart, I think it was not her character, but who knows.. Sad....

[Bernardo de La Paz]

5. I think a non-confrontational approach. WoundedBear & cyclonefence make excellent points

But say your piece to her, gently, if only for your own peace of mind and then forgive her, perhaps only in your mind, again for your peace of mind.

[Marcuse]

7. I've seen that symptomatology among seniors.

She may begin to exhibit paranoid behavior. For example, she may accuse you or other friends of stealing from her, further isolating herself.

[ellenrr]

10. My step-mother became paranoid at the end of her 10-year battle with Alzheimer's

She would tell me that my father was stealing from her!
It was terrible, esp. for my father, and sad...

[Duppers]

9. My 93yo mother

Has lost so much of her inhibitions and filters, saying things to people now that embarrass me. She and I disagree on most everything, btw.

I'm so sorry but I think your friend may have a problem like my mother - her bigotry is now out of the closet.

However, her comment, "don't you like to live among people like you?" rings true. I live among idiot Republicans and I so wish I didn't. It's one of the biggest reasons I enjoy spending time here on DU.

[ellenrr]

11. :). I agree. I would love to live among intelligent people, I don't care about their race or backgro

[Duppers]

12. ☺ Same here.