This Church Allows Atheists To Join As Long As They Are Republicans

[Major Nikon]

HOUSTON, TX—A local church has announced it will begin allowing atheists to join the church as members, as long as they identify as Republican.

"I know we disagree with atheists on some issues, but when it comes to republican or even classical liberal atheists, we basically agree on the essentials," said Robert Bardpail, head pastor of 8th Baptist Church in Houston. "Things like limited government, low taxes, free speech, equal protection under the constitution, those are the core tenets that bind us together."

Under the new church constitution released by the deacon board last week, atheists will now be allowed to serve as elders and deacons, teach small groups, and run VBS. All new members will be onboarded with a study of Milton Friedman or Thomas Sowell before being allowed to serve in ministry.

8th Baptist Church is reportedly looking for new atheist members by hanging up flyers around all the cool atheist hangouts."So far, no atheists have really taken us up on our offer," said Bardpail. "That stinks. I wonder why they don't want to hang out with us!"

https://babylonbee.com/news/church-will-now-allow-atheist-members-as-long-as-they-are-republicans

Update:

[dchill]

1. "I wonder why they don't want to hang out with us!"

Ever hear of principles?

[3catwoman3]

2. And why does the pastor think...

...atheists would want to join his congregation?

[Miguelito Loveless]

3. What part of "atheist" do you fail to comprehend?

Oh, you are just trying to make a point that you think will make you look clever.

[TreasonousBastard]

4. Babylon Bee giving The Onion a run.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

5. The atheists I know hang out with Unitarian Universalists.

And they're pretty much all liberal Democrats.
uua.org/find

[TreasonousBastard]

8. I am on several boards in the UU "church", and I would say we are maybe 10% theists...

OK, maybe 20%, but none are doctrinaire. Same with the Quaker meeting I once belonged to. I have been to Quaker meetings that were pretty much 100% atheist.

There is, at the moment, a debate going on as to whether we should be called "Unitarian Universalist Church" or something else. "Fellowship" is big.

[Zambero]

6. Where are all the cool atheist hangouts?

Where hordes of non-believers swarm in hopes of finding a flyer inviting them to join a Republican-only Baptist church? One of the best-kept secrets on the planet no doubt!

[Atticus]

7. TAX THE VILE HYPOCRITICAL SONSABITCHES! nt