It hasn't gotten easier.

[ohheckyeah]

I miss my dad more than I thought possible. It wil be a year in May since he died. I stil can't walk unassisted due to the two strokes I had. Life has sucked big time lately.

I miss and love you Dad. This whole death thing sucks.
.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. Oh my dear ohheckyeah...

I"m so sorry to hear this. And I have to tell you that I think I understand. As much as anyone who has lost someone they love can, anyway.

My year is coming up too and sometimes it seems as though he's been dead forever, longer than I knew him.

I just want to tell you that you are not alone with this.

[ohheckyeah]

2. Thank you you are so kind. I'm sorry for your pain as well. I'm so tired of crying. I wish I

Had the belief sytem my Mom and siblings do, but I can't make myself believe what I don't.

I knew this day was coming but you can't prepare for it.my heart hurts for all
All of us.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. I've lived long enough to know that there is pain in living ...

When the people we love die, it's as though a huge part of our support system just vanished. I know I feel that way...

And like you, I wish I had faith in a life beyond where we will all be together again eternally. But I've never had that faith.

You can always talk to me.

[MADem]

4. Doesn't it, just?

You never get over it. It does become less ACUTE over time, but to be frank, there is no timetable...and some people put off grieving if they're, say, in an operational environment and busy to the max (that was my experience, I made up for lost time, eventually).

Just don't beat yourself up, and if you find you cannot cope, ask for help.

I hope you are getting therapy for your strokes. I have a relative who was in your similar boat--massive stroke, slurred speech, no use of the right side at all. Hospitalized in ER, then in a rehab center for a couple of months. With aggressive therapy, we got him up on a walker after a few months, and he taught himself to write again by just practicing constantly (from scribbles to finally being able to write again) and he recovered his voice by (get this) SINGING (it was his pastime before he had the stroke). From the walker to a cane took probably another three or four months, and now he does pretty well getting around. He can drive, he can't walk terribly fast but he does manage to get about with a cane, and he has resumed most of his activities. He really loves swimming and that's a great exercise for him. It did take time, though--I spent a year helping him until he was able to resume a fully independent life, get back behind the wheel, doing his own food shopping, etc.

Anyway, strokes can also increase emotional lability and, as my great grandmother would say, it can make your "tear bag hang low." Emotions are close to the surface even if things are going smoothly, and when you've experienced sucha an important loss as you have, you shouldn't be surprised if you find yourself in the doldrums. Just don't stay there too long--you've got more living to do.

Hang in there.

[ohheckyeah]

5. Thanks MADem

I've had therapy a couple of times now. The stationary bike seems to be my best therap. I can walk with a cane but use a walker when we go out. I was fortunate that my speech and my face weren't affected. Mainly my right ar.m and leg. I can do most things except write and type with my right hand.

I have a grear hematologist figuring out why I had two strokes.

Dad came every week to see me up until the last two weeks he lived. I know he pushed himself. When I had in home therapy he came on those days. He watched them like he was a hawk. He and my mom spent every holiday with us - my siblings were always tied up with their kids and grandkids. Its a family joke how dad always dropped crumbs on the floor. I even miss, cleaning them up.

He was a good man and father. I'm blessed,to have a good husband. And I still have my mom who is 89.

[auntAgonist]

6. I don't think it ever gets easier, sadly. I does get different. Sometimes I can barely handle

the fact that I haven't seen my Mum since Aug 23 1997. There is a huge hole in my life since she's gone.

I am so sorry that you are hurting and missing him so so much. What I wouldn't give for all of us to have one more moment in time, one more hug, a smile a touch...

Life has been terribly rough for you and handed you a few really hard blows. I hope the time coming improves and your general health is better.

I think when we are feeling better physically it contributes to our mental well being and helps to get us through the days easier.

Are you in physio-therapy to help with your walking?

I wish I could do something for you but I do want you to know that so many of us here care and can emphathize with what you're going through.

Hang in there friend. There has to be better days ahead. Keep telling yourself that ok?

much love

kesha.

******
edited to add:
I should have read some other replies before typing away. I am glad you have a good hematologist working to aid you. My Hema is at times it seems the only one who does anything to help me.
I'm glad to see that you are getting a bit of therapy. I hope it starts to do a lot of good for you

[ohheckyeah]

7. Thanks, auntagonist.

One bright spot easter day was spending time with my great nephew. He let me hold him for a few minutes. He's so stinkin cute.