of dying / facing their own deaths
when my mom was told she was dying she didn't go through each stage (there was hardly time--it was just a little over a week from when we were told to the evening she passed. and when we were told she was dying the doctors felt she wouldn't even qualify for hospice because they believed she would live longer than six months!)
she went through two of the traditional stages: shock and acceptance.
i began grieving before she passed
my bereavement stages have been more of:
initial panic--oh no!
sadness / sorrow
depression
major depression
and finally i've been rising up from the depths of my depression to a stage i think of as
acclimation. i'm adapting. and have been showing signs of returning to my "old" self.
neither one of us went through an anger stage or a bargaining stage
we can look at general patterns of what dying people experience and what those of us who go through the loss of a beloved one experiences but they are just generalities.
as an example
i don't feel i did it wrong (or am doing it wrong) because i never got angry that she was dying or after she died (whether it was anger at her for leaving, at god or the universe for taking her, at myself for not being able to fix or right the situation, at the doctors, whatever--i never felt anger)
kubler-ross's stages are helpful to tell us these are things we might be feeling or things we might feel down the road, but no one should think they are doing it wrong because they skipped a stage or backtracked or felt a certain way that wasn't on the list.
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