Bereavement
Related: About this forumMom and my sweetest cat died this year. Mom in April and my little princess yesterday.
I HATE this year. Mom was 95 and my little Siamese princess was 14. Both lived good long lives and went loved - but BOTH IN THE SAME YEAR? Ugh.
My little princess had cancer and was having trouble breathing the last couple of days, and hadn't eaten or drank in 5 days. I did get her to nibble and drink a little Friday night. I got the diagnosis Friday evening and hoped to keep her at least nibbling and comfortable through the weekend but it was not happening. She only slept fitfully Friday night and Saturday morning would not even come to the kitchen for breakfast - and for the entire week, even when she did come, she didn't eat anything. She was wheezing, coughing and gurgling even when awake and at rest. She snored so it was hard to tell if it was congestion or snoring when sleeping - but she would just get to sleep then suddenly awaken with a cough. She couldn't rest and was miserable. Any food or water I brought to her Saturday morning and most other of those 5 days was refused with exception of Friday night. I just could not wait and took her to the emergency vet Saturday morning. I don't care it costed more, I was not going to let her suffer two more damn days just to save myself a couple hundred bucks.
Mom - besides being 94, had COPD and congestive heart failure, macular degeneration (legally blind) and she also suffered at the end - many emergencies where she could not breathe and numerous breathing treatments before she finally took her last breath. It was everything 3 of us could do to care for her 24 x 7 in the end.
I know -- no one lives forever. And we usually outlive our pets. I had two cats. I still have one but the house is so quiet with only one and my little princess was the sweetest one. Why is it that it seems the sweetest and best pets and humans always go first?
I HATE THIS YEAR. It was also beset by massive financial expenditures related to both of these incidents and house problems. Thousands of dollars I'll never get back. Some of it was necessary - other of it was weird stuff that just happened. When you own a house or car, you never know what's going to leak, blow up, stop working or develop structural issues or whatever.
I HAD to be with Mom when she passed and with the family after and at the memorial. I made a video of her life, the people in it, her crafts and paintings, her accomplishments, her sentiments, photos of her and our family - right up until her last Christmas in 2021. it was shown at her memorial. It is a keepsake for all in the family.
I arranged to have my little princess's ashes returned to me and am purchasing an urn to keep her with me. I got her at 4 months and was her Mommy for 14 years. I took care of her best I could, loved and protected her, got her vet care when she was sick. She was my spoiled little princess and I miss her so much and my dear Mumsy too.
Have I said I HATE THIS YEAR YET? I HATE IT!
SheltieLover
(60,391 posts)I'm so sorry for both of your losses this year.
Wow! Princess was a gorgeous kitty! I love Siamese!
Please remember to do good self-care. Grieving is such hard work.
I'm glad you had many years with your Mom & Princess, & love the memento you made of your Mom's life.
May cherished memories heal your heart.
FalloutShelter
(12,844 posts)SO much loss. They will live forever in your memory.
peacebuzzard
(5,300 posts)I wish I knew why the sweetest ones go so quickly. Little angels spending time with us on earth is all I can think of. These angels make everything better, and then they are gone. I am so sorry about your loss.
I know how you feel.
Deuxcents
(20,166 posts)In such a short time. A heart as sweet as yours should know youre special to us and were here for you. 🌺
LetMyPeopleVote
(155,603 posts)Two family members in one year is tough
GPV
(73,074 posts)I understand your pain. Lost my father last year. My mom is hanging on. She has dementia.
CousinIT
(10,492 posts)She would think someone who has passed years ago had just passed yesterday - like parts of her memory in near past had disappeared. I had to learn not to correct her when she got facts wrong or jumped to different subjects during a conversation and just try to follow her thoughts and words wherever they went instead. It's hard at first but it gets easier and was best for her rather than correcting her. Their true heart and soul is revealed in what they remember and what they forget. They don't know what they can't remember. She forgot when our uncle died. She forgot where she had always wanted to be buried. She forgot that I was vegan. I was not insulted and didn't correct her. I just went along with it. "Yes Mom I'm vegan. It means I don't eat animal products." ... "how long have you been like that?" .... "well a long time now." No correction, just information when she asked. Uncle died years ago. She would say: "Uncle died a couple weeks ago...". I'd just say: "yea I know, I was really sad to see him go. I really loved him." No correcting her version of reality.
I did not laugh at her, or correct her or become annoyed or insulted. I just followed her thoughts and conversations wherever she wanted to go. It seemed to work out best and left her with at least a little bit more of her dignity intact, I hoped.
I learned after time not to correct her. My Dad had it as well. He thought his brother lived in CA. He actually didnt live to far away. We quit correcting him too and got used to him saying the same thing every few minutes or telling the same story from his childhood over and over.
My dad died in August of last year and his brother died four months later. My cousin and I consoled ourselves by saying they were back together, running around the countryside where they grew up, fishing, and doing what they did as kids.
CousinIT
(10,492 posts)And it's comforting to believe they're having a good time together now! I truly hope they are. I envisioned my Mom reuniting with her Mom and Dad, her brother and sister, and friends and pets from long ago. They'd be having a veritable family reunion! She mentioned in the hours before her death that she was talking to her mother (dead many years by that time). We surmised that maybe her Mom was sent to get her - to bring her back home. Comforting thoughts for us. But - maybe just her dementia too.
We have to do what we can to comfort ourselves I guess. And I do hope they are - or the essence of all of them - are living joyously somewhere together.
I've been wishing my Princess lots of toy mousies to play with, lots of good noms, lots of carpet and rugs to scratch (she had scratchers but insisted on rugs and carpet instead), hoping my Mom who loved cats would be there to greet and love her, lots of other friendly kitties to play with - whatever would be 'heaven' for her I hope that's where she is. I can't decide if it's the suffering or their final death which is worse. In a way in both instances - Mom and Bitsy the Princess - it was at least partially a relief but also a total heartbreak - the suffering and missing them so very much now that they're gone. I talked to my Mom almost every day. And I talked to my princess every day too! =^..^=
sorry for your loss. Its difficult losing a parent and its hard to lose our furry babies.
I think this time of year magnifies the loss of our loved ones. I think talking to your Mom and Princess helps to process the loss. Peace to you 🕊.
murielm99
(31,526 posts)frogmarch
(12,232 posts)I am so sorry, CousinIT.
GoneOffShore
(17,646 posts)CousinIT
(10,492 posts)I'm crying just typing this. I miss her so much!
Marthe48
(19,360 posts)You were there for your loved ones, and they had the comfort and ease you gave them. Doing the right thing isn't comforting, but as time goes on, your grief will gently blend with the universe without the snags of regret.
sinkingfeeling
(53,268 posts)orthoclad
(4,728 posts)It gets better
cilla4progress
(25,983 posts)She looks like a princess!
Duppers
(28,260 posts)My sincere sympathy and condolences.
I still miss my Sealpoint & my blue point Siamese - they both were so smart and were my babies too. My mother was 92yo when she passed a few yrs ago but my kitties were sweeter and better understood me.
What were your Mom's & your Kitty's names?
and
CousinIT
(10,492 posts)I called Bitsy 'Meezer' though, because she was meezer (Siamese). They are smart, acrobatic, sweet, and very vocal.
brer cat
(26,511 posts)What a terrible year.
slightlv
(4,454 posts)and I echo your sentiments. This has been a year filled with death for me and mine... both people and "babies." I lost the cat of my heart due to an acute diabetic crisis neither I nor my vet caught in time. We all fought valiantly for a week, but in the end, his heart just gave out. A month later, I lost my 23 year old tabby. I also lost my Mom's 20+ yo tabby this year. Lost several dear friends to Covid, and other diseases. And extended family members to accidents. Also ended up putting my Mom in a Memory Care home. I absolutely detest this year. The fact the R's are ending it by threatening our only source of income is just the icing on the cake of the year.
Hang in there, and take it one day at a time. The heartache will ease a little with each passing day, and the good memories will eventually overtake the bad. But the longing will still be there, I can attest to that. I still miss my Sweetie so much I wake up in the night crying over him, and I lost him in March. All our companions touch our hearts; some of them just touch our souls a bit more than others. It sounds like your Princess touched your soul like my Sweetie did mine. I wish I could give you a hug, because I know how it hurts. Allow yourself to cry, to grieve for both of your losses, freely. I'll light a candle and think of you and your beautiful Princess, frolicking free of pain on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge. May we meet someday there and introduce each other to our very special friends.
CousinIT
(10,492 posts)FAR FAR more than anyone should have to endure.
I still cry over the loss of both - Princess Bitsy yesterday and Mom in April.
And yes to top it off we have the idiot Repugnants trying to take away money that belongs to working people who put it aside to have a dignified old age. As if being old isn't damn hard and undignified enough! Goddamn them, they're frigging sociopaths.
I hate to wish precious Time away, but 2022 can kiss my patootie and GTFO.
Karadeniz
(23,558 posts)diagnosed at 4 months when he collapsed and couldn't move. No potassium. His vet and I had recently been wondering how old Carny was. Then I found some old paperwork...10 years old!!! His vet was amazed and said he'd never expected Carney to outlast 3 !!! So with daily meds and Sci Di k/d food, I got 7 extra years of the sweetest, cuddliest, adorably voiced and cutest kitty that ever was... and I've rescued over 500, so I know what I'm claiming is true !!!!!! We'd had a couple of close calls before that tore me up, causing me to vow that when I lost him, I'd not fall apart and curse fate, but be glad for the years I had with the boy who was perfect for me. Okay, I'm watering up just thinking about what a doll he was.... but I'm not falling apart and I'll never let his little feline soul think he's making me unhappy!!! His photos are still in the kitchen... seeing them makes me smile!!!
CousinIT
(10,492 posts)You must have taken excellent care of him and he was obviously loved!. I'm so sorry that you've lost your special baby - but you gave him a good, long loved life! You are the BEST kind of human!
And THANK YOU for rescuing so many of these little heart-stealers! It's the work of angels.
Karadeniz
(23,558 posts)happy memory. If a psychic spoke to your mom's spirit, you'd want her to be happy, seeing that you remember her life with pleasure and affection. Spirits don't like to see their people unhappy... they feel they have to hang around and try to help.
AltairIV
(686 posts)So very sorry for your losses. Hold on to those memories, they may bring tears today, but those will soon turn to smiles.