settlement finally in the works.

[mopinko]

he moved out april 15th, after 32 years and 4 kids together. mostly never "worked", tho i have made art and raised hell for most of those years.

we had a beautiful trip to hawaii in january, like a honeymoon. last year was very tough. launching the last kids. things just falling apart. we almost didnt go.
then, a 10 day lovefest.
3 days later, he declared he had grounds for divorce. my crime? replacing my beloved parrot who had escaped with a little fellow who needed a home.
and smoking dope with our 22 yo son.
high crimes, i guess.

been dragging through it all, with little crimes along the way. hiding money, stealing money, putting money in one day and taking it out the next.
and finally have an offer almost ready to present.
such hard choices.
there is property and money enough for him to drop the assets, walk away, and we both can start over.
he is starting to make fat money. i would likely be better off taking the maintenance, but damn. i just want him out of my life. he has been such a jerk.
got a piece of property with almost zero equity that i need to keep with my little farm. that means a fat mortgage for the next 12 years at least. trouble is, i dont know if it is possible to even get a mortgage on my own. which i could do with a nice maintenance check.

there is a fat 401k. i'm old enough to take disbursements.
need to crunch some numbers, i guess. i could always retire the loans out of that money. it would leave me with nearly free and clear rent checks.
i suspect that if i could keep the current terms, i would be better off making the payments. but i have serious doubts about keeping those terms on my own credit/income.

i just want it to be aalllll over. let him take his income and go get that trophy wife now.
the only thing i really want going forward is a split of his bonuses. at least that gives me a way to pay down those loans.

at least it doesnt feel like it has been for naught. we built things together. i wont starve.
but damn. can i just get out on the other side?

[elleng]

1. Before you make any decisions, PLEASE

crunch the numbers with an experienced financial analyst, PLEASE! S/he should have options you haven't considered.

PLEASE!
And know we're with you.

;grouphug;

[mopinko]

2. i know.

i know no mater what i will get by. the big things is that i fear a meltdown in his future. i would rather take the money and say goodbye.
unfortunately, he racked up a huge debt in the last 2 years. we were nearly debt free. then we bought a 2 flat, and dumped a ton into it. now both properties have mortgages. opps. debts. forgot about that side of the ledger sheet, as it has been pretty clean for a long, long time. plus he insisted that they would be paid off in any settlement.
talk about your oh shit moments.

and in the end, that is what it is about. autonomy, or continued dependence. each has its own set of assets and risks. and like i said, i fear he is drinking more, which is not good. he is depressed, imho, or worse. and i wouldnt put it past him to take a dive just for spite.
i must admit, tho, that he is likely only going to fail up. he is already at the level where they never fire anyone. and psychos are richly rewarded. they would prolly give him a huge pity bump on his next review if he was splittin those checks w me.

number crunching is the order of my day, tho.
i do know someone good to call. imma do a little crunch on my own first.
ugh.

and btw, it is cold and raining here today. my farm looks like a bomb went off. the fat raspberry crop that was just starting to come in is dead. i was just starting to get tomatoes, and now they will shut down. hopefully we get a little sun soon, and i can at least salvage what is on the vine. man.
and another- youngest daughter has been sick all her life. she finally found an autonomic specialist who seems to have his finger on the problem. he thinks it is genetic. which prolly means no healthy biological grandkids for me, at least not without a lot of high tech help. other daughter has had a lot of issues as well. eesh. so glad for her to have answers. and she long since decided she should not reproduce. but damn. smack.
what a day. i knew i shoulda just gone back to bed this morning.

[elleng]

3. You are truly loaded down with crap,

only some of which I also experienced.

Of course crunch your own numbers, but speak with a creative financial adviser who might have ideas you haven't thought of.

Sorry about your weather; we've been very fortunate. Landlord/neighbor has shared tomatoes, peppers + eggplants with me, more than I can eat, and even tho I was away from cottage for a few days, my roses seem to be doing well.

Thinking of you.