Got my first settlement check today!

[maddezmom]

sad that it's really final...no going back. But happy I can finally move on.

[elleng]

1. CONGRATS, maddez!

PLAY PLAY PLAY!!! AND life begins!

Mine took LONG time for bank to clear, something like 10 days; holiday intervened. Wasn't thrilled about the wait, but was thrilled about receipt!

Awaiting my 2d; supposed to have been mailed Monday.

[maddezmom]

2. deposited mine today

and set up a few accounts to use later but it won't clear entirely until 2/2. Had to laugh as they allowed me a small pittance and I mean small...today because I'm such a great customer. Then about 3% will be released at 5 pm on Monday and the balance on Thursday at 9am. I have never seen such a detailed deposit slip in my life(actually it was 2).

[elleng]

3. That really is detailed!

May have received the 'usual' $100 initially, , 6% the following day, the remainder only after 10 business days (which was lengthened due to holidays.)

P.S., didn't receive next 25% today, which he said would be mailed 'Monday,' today's THURSDAY!, judge ordered full 50% owing must be in January, and if he's not a good boy and I don't receive anything earlier, will 'happily' go back for a Contempt Citation after Jan. 31.

[maddezmom]

4. as you should

I'm sure it stinks to be in the position of having to go to court to make him do what he already agreed to earlier but I would to it. Why drag this crap out?

[elleng]

5. He has NO REASON to drag it out,

and if I do have to go back into court, I'll do so happily, that is, I'll seek sanctions including whatever I can get. Certainly could use something to defray attorney's fees.

We discussed, with the Judge, the language we should use in the Order, and we agreed to use the language which leads to Contempt of he fails to do what he was ordered (and we had agreed.) Must say, I'm kind of excited about this. (And I have 50% in the bank, discussing where to invest with a financial advisor, so, as I've said, I've done some 'celebrating!')

[maddezmom]

6. good on you

seems like just another way of trying to be in control to me. Hopefully, if he continues this route he'll have to pay the consequences.

[elleng]

7. Yes, I think its control too,

and he damn well sure should pay the consequences; his 'control' has cost me A LOT!

[maddezmom]

8. I'm sorry

I wasn't following your story in the old DU because I wasn't going through it then. But I'll bet you will recoup the monetary loss with your new freedom to be you and what you were meant to be.

[elleng]

9. Lucky you didn't follow it!

Its lasted YEARS, never should have been litigated. You nailed it tonight: CONTROL! I've said it repeatedly, control by a sociopath.
Was depressed for years, and that's gone now, there's a lot of $ I've lost/forfeited, but I do feel good.

[SheilaT]

10. So very glad to hear this.

Interestingly enough, I've had a lot of women say to me that because they were eager to end the marriage, they agreed to less than they should have. In my case, because I gave him time I should not have agreed to, I wound up with less than I should have. But I did okay, and I have a new life now.

And that's my wish to everyone who might visit this forum: Start a new life. Yes, it's hard. Yes, it's scary. Yes, it's the unknown. But do it.

Lately I've been saying that in my most optimistic fantasies that my marriage had not ended, I'd never have persuaded him to move to Santa Fe, where I now live. And I have a very good life here. New friends, a job that suits me, time to myself.

It can take a very long time, longer than you want it to, but eventually you get through it.