Starting over

[LiberalElite]

http://dharmawisdom.org/teachings/articles/starting-over

-snip-
As a meditation teacher, I'm often solicited for advice by students who are seeking to change their lives in some way. They may want to alter an aspect of their behavior or their emotional life, or improve their relations with others. They almost always report that they have tried to change but fail time and again. I listen to each person's story and tailor my response appropriately, but the essence of my response is almost always the same: If you really want to change your life and are having difficulty doing so, then you need to master the practice of starting over. More than any mantra, resolution, therapy, or behavioral self-manipulation, this is the practice that creates results.

The living proof of the effectiveness of the practice of starting over is 38-year-old Taryn, a student in the Sunday evening meditation class I teach. Taryn is a successful midlevel manager in a fast-growing company who makes a positive first impression, but her career has been stalled and she has a long history of personal angst. When Taryn first started attending class six years ago, she was close to losing her ability to function effectively in her high-pressure job. She had difficulty with trust in friendships, she got into adversarial relationships at work with both peers and bosses, and her romantic life had been one disaster after another. A therapist might say that a hypercritical, affection-withholding, competitive mother and a nice but weak and nonprotecting father were the source of Taryn's problems. In fact, three different therapists had told her just that. But despite knowing why she had trust and communication issues, Taryn continued to suffer, which is ultimately what brought her to meditation.
-snip-

[flying rabbit]

1. K&R

Excellent!

[vlyons]

2. a wonderful essay

starting over, without the drama. I think this is one of the 6 Perfections, called Enthusiastic Perseverance. To persevere in the manifestation of one's intention. For those unfamiliar with the 6 Perfections, or paramitas. They are: generosity, ethics, patience, enthusiastic perseverance, concentration and wisdom.
http://buddhism.about.com/od/Paramitas/a/The-Six-Perfections.htm]

[joshisaurous]

7. Do you know of any comprehensive texts that expand on the

logical sequence and reasons that generate the 6 paramitas?

[vlyons]

8. I recommend 2 books

2 books by the Dalai Lama, who is a wonderful writer. "How to See Yourself the Way You Really Are" and "How to Practice." The DL is a very modern man, very knowledgeable about science. He has studied physics, neuroscience, astrophysics for 50 years and been invited to some of the world's premiere scientific labs around the world. He is a natural born mechanical engineer from a very early age as a child, when he took apart and rebuilt mechanical devices to see how they worked. You can get good and very cheap used copies from Amazon.com. Also check out http://huntingtonarchive.osu.edu/resources/downloads/sutras/05bodhisattvaYana/Six%20perfections%20%28paper%29.pdf]

We all struggle with starting over after failing to pursue our intentions. That's why it's call "practice." If we had perfected the 6 perfections, we wouldn't need to practice. One small recommendation during meditation is to remember to be joyful about something good that you have done, and be joyful in the good deeds of others.

[Peace_maker]

3. No one saves us but

"No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path." - Buddha

[liberal_at_heart]

4. There's nothing wrong with therapy. In fact therapy and meditation can go hand in hand.

I knew I was angry at my father, but didn't really know just how angry and really just plain hurt I was until I started talking to a therapist. I use meditation to forgive and let go of the anger and pain I have felt toward my father. I do agree that starting over is important. Forgiving and letting go of past pain is a good way to do that. My father was abused and therefore couldn't give me all the things I needed. I like to visualize that he has everything he needs in order to give me what I need such as love, acceptance, approval, and belief in my abilities. Then I can give myself those things as well. Something that both therapy and meditation have taught me is that visualization is a powerful tool.

[mmonk]

5. I agree.

Especially in conjunction with visualization. I have one can renew oneself with mini start overs. I hope any travails you have endured have been put to positives in your life and positives dominate.

[vlyons]

9. Ditto with my mother

whom I hated for 50 years. How's that for a grudge? Buddhism has really helped me let go of that anger and hatred. Mother died in 2005. Now I pray that where ever she is, that she is in a loving family and has the very good fortune to encounter an authentic teacher.

[joshisaurous]

6. I noticed something,

there are an excess of "meditation" classes where the idea is that a head honcho goes on about their "insights" that dance around Buddhist teachings like a washed up actor trying to boost their reputation by lurking near important people at social functions, in the hope they will be captured with them in a photo.

I don't see anything Buddhist about this article.
It's written in the typical self help book style of dragging on with stories about the results that frustrates intelligent readers who realize the lack of meaningful content.

This thing where a person glorifies themselves is absent in real Buddhism.
The emphasis at Buddhist teachings is the Buddha's teachings, not some charismatic personality and their convoluted psychoanalysis of the people they use as props in their show.

I'm just saying this because this is a Buddhist group.
The rambling article may be useful for some despite its mistaken attribution to Buddhism.

[vlyons]

10. you impute a lot of stuff onto people, don't you?

I liked the article. Printed out and sent a copy to my niece, who said that she found it helpful. When I read it, I didn't see the writer as being an overblown false guru. I didn't see the writer as glorifying himself in the writing of it. We can't both be right about this. So ask yourself, is the glorification of self inherently in the writer, or is that a quality that you have imputed onto the writer? Think deeply about this.

If you experienced the article as not helpful to you, that is an honest statement of your experience. But must you verbally disrespect the writer, whom you've maybe never met, as self-glorifying in the writing of it? I see the writer as sharing an insight that he hoped might be helpful to others. Is that not a good thing?

Divisive talk within the sangha is a non-virtuous act.

[joshisaurous]

11. Buddhists from real communities recognize the difference

between people seeking attention and genuine practitioners.

Also, you're not the sangha referred to by the Bodhisattva vows, nor am I.

The Sangha refers to actual Buddhist monastics (not fake monks panhandling in NYC) in the sense that they are a symbolic representation.

The Sangha proper refers to those beings that have realized "stream entry" and higher attainments, of which there are two divisions, to be arhant and pratyeka buddha and to be samyaksam buddha.

We, and Tsem, and the author being discussed are not sangha by conventional, as opposed to transcendental, Buddhist definition.

Like I said before, con-artists twist the definitions to defend themselves from their victims. It's just another form of cult abuse and it is a spiritual poison often spread by well meaning, but confused, people.

Further, the actual Bodhisattva vows have elaborative injunctions, specifically that monastics that have broken principle vows, charlatans, etc. are not protected by rules that would prevent you from criticizing or disrobing. After all, there is a considerable section of the vinaya that deals with disrobing, so clearly it is not splitting the sangha to do even that when the circumstances and rules require it.


"When teachers break the precepts,
behaving in ways that are clearly damaging to themselves and others,
students must face the situation,
even though this can be challenging, criticize openly, that's the only way."
His Holiness the Dalai Lama

Vlyons, do you understand that this idea that you cannot evaluate and discuss bad behavior was set in your head by con-artists and not the Buddha?

[vlyons]

12. actually I have taken boddisattva vows

see, you keep imputing stuff onto me, and you don't even know me. I understand what the sangha is, both as it regards monastics and as it regards the universal sangha of all Buddhists, both lay and monastics, from all traditions. And yes, I have personally experienced both false gurus and authentic teachers and am well aware of the difference. I take my vows quite seriously and am a member of a real live actual sangha with a temple and a lama and the whole bit.

[joshisaurous]

13. Sangha does not include all Buddhists.

The Sangha is a refuge jewel.

Buddhists around the world don't take refuge in just anyone, you must be a stream enterer to be Sangha. Monastics are only taken symbolically as the sangha until they have stream entry.

This idea that everyone is part of the sangha is mistaken, if not malicious.

NKT and Tsem's students have taken bodhisattva vows, but they have been instructed with warped meanings to protect their cult leaders. Arguably, if you have taken them, but not understood them, then you cannot hold them for more than an instant.

The vows are held by largely by refraining, but how can you refrain when you don't know what you're refraining from?

If you take a vow not to kill, but you think that means not to pop your knuckles, even if you do not kill you are not actually holding the vow.

[vlyons]

14. well thanks for informing me that my vows, taken directly from HH the Dalai Lama,

and renewed again directly from Lama Khenpo Kharthar and Lama Kirti don't count for squat in your estimation. You seem to like to pass judgement on other people, and that other Buddhists aren't practicing the real dharma, as approved by you. You crack me up. Well all I can say is that I wish you well and that your path to complete and perfect enlightenment as a Buddha is swift. May your journey be gentle and your virtuous deeds be many.

[joshisaurous]

15. It is because

the bodhisattva vows are not something that is easy to keep. That is why it is typical to retake them dozens of times a year. You do need to understand them to keep them. I keep a copy of them with their explanations within 30 feet of me 99.9% of the time, in my travel bag, in my house, in my office, always with me. And periodically I read through them.

This website is a legitimate source of info for Geluk Bodhisattva vows:

http://www.berzinarchives.com/web/en/archives/practice_material/vows/bodhisattva/root_bodhisattva_pledges.html

http://www.berzinarchives.com/web/en/archives/practice_material/vows/bodhisattva/secondary_bodhisattva_pledges.html



&quot 4) Discarding the Mahayana teachings and propounding made-up ones

This means to reject the correct teachings about some topic concerning bodhisattvas, such as their ethical behavior, and to make up in their stead a plausible yet misleading instruction on the same subject, claim it to be authentic, and then teach it to others in order to gain their following. An example of this downfall is when teachers who are eager not to scare away prospective students condone liberal moral behavior and explain that any type of action is acceptable so long as it does not harm others. We need not be a teacher to commit this downfall. We can commit it even in casual conversation with others."

[JudyM]

16. Thank you for posting this, it is useful.

The way the author pulls these ideas together offers a view that's just enough of a shift in perspective to help me starting again as well.

[MasonDreams]

17. I was 1st drawn to Buddhism by noticing many of the authors of books on buddhism were MH pros

Seekers beyond Western thought.