You know we all talk about the rape..but there is an aftermath

[angstlessk]

and sometimes it is if not worse than the rape...more influential in our lives.

I ran away from home because of my rape...and not just once...by the age of 13 I was in front of a judge and my mother told him I was incorrigible..so I was sent to reform school

In reform school I ended up in solitary for 10 days and put into the punishment cottage...

I was released when I was almost 15..and I ran away again...and my probation officer promised me...she would place me into a foster home (as I thought I could do better without MY family) ..at court she told the judge I should go back to reform school (no mention of foster home)..

So the aftermath of the rape is just as bad as the rape itself...I say

I was raped by 2 strangers...then my mother (and a judge) then my probation officer..

[Voice for Peace]

1. jeez. I know. when you most needed a ton of support and love.

The victim ends up being blamed, almost no matter
what.. because of the after-effects, and how they scar
your life and social relationships. Survivors of sexual
assault, especially of ongoing abuse, become strange
people. Peculiar. Secretive, sad, angry, depressed,
odd. I couldn't speak
for many years throughout childhood and beyond.
Barely, I mean. It was as if there were something
choking me. All the words and feelings couldn't
come out. I was almost always disoriented for one
reason or another. I hated myself because I was
weak, and weird, and choked.

The victims become the weird ones, or the bad,
incorrigible ones. They are shamed in the family
and in the world around. They are punished or
ridiculed, or both. They are lonely. We can often
recognize each other, because the manifestations
are nearly universal, if you know what to look
for.

And I've thought about this a lot, the cycle of
abuse and healing. How we use our damage to
help ourselves and others. I see a weird person
now, & don't see a weird person; I see myself.
I see a man or woman or child, I see a child
who has been profoundly hurt, and been carrying
profound loneliness his/her whole life. I see a
need for kindness, patience, and support.
And when I love, it makes me strong, it makes me heal.

[angstlessk]

2. funny I avoid this room during the day..as if it will hurt sunshine..then at night

I cry..I read everyones story and I cry...for me for them for all of us

I think this room may heal many people...if it does not get 'OUT THERE'

[LiberalLoner]

5. But if it does not get "out there" how do we ever make things better

For those who follow us? How do we change things for the better? How can a problem be solved if we don't acknowledge it and are not allowed to talk about it as a society?

I learned problem solving as an Army Officer. They actually teach you stuff like this.

1. Step One - Identify The Problem.

If the problem is currently defined as "women are lying sl*ts and won't shut up" instead of as "rape needs to stop and we need to support victims rather than rolling our eyes at them" then how do we make things better?

That is why I don't shut up, even though there is always a price to pay for speaking out

PS. I don't mean others should speak up. Only explaining why I do what I do. I know the heavy price of speaking out and don't blame any who do not wish to pay that price.

[LiberalLoner]

4. Thank you for this post. So beautiful and true.

[In_The_Wind]

3. I agree with you. The PO was totally wrong.

The judge rescued you from your home however: the judge was also wrong.

You needed foster care and psychiatric counseling to overcome your trauma.

Clearly, the system was flawed. It let you down.

I'm sorry for that and your two rapes.



angstlessk ... YOU are not the one who did anything wrong.

[LiberalLoner]

6. +1