Let the healing begin within.

[In_The_Wind]

There is no way to undo the damage we have suffered.

How do we forgive the deed that cannot be undone.

No amount if vengeance or punishment toward the perpetrator will be enough ...
So, we need to let the healing to begin within:
to forgive ourselves ...
because it was not our fault, no matter what lies we were told.
Our sexual abuse, rape, was done to us without our consent.

So now we are serving a lifetime sentence, carrying memories that will never go away.
We go on with our lives, forgetting as much as we can each day ...
until rape culture news shatters our peace of mind. Bringing with it the anger we've chosen to forget. Now, it's back. Daily there is an onslaught of events we can no longer ignore.

What do we do. Sigh. Personally, I will speak out against those who condone slut shaming, those who rape, those who photograph and share. These are my rapist, again and again.

They must be stopped.

[NYC_SKP]

1. It never ends.

And, sadly, society heaps more shame upon any who speak out against the shaming or in self-defense.

For some, it face, it gets worse.

[In_The_Wind]

2. I do understand that NYC_SKP.

However, it hurts me more to be silent while young girls and young boys commit suicide.

[NYC_SKP]

3. Oh, I concur.

Silence is the tool of the enemy.

But there are institutional and cultural restrictions. To survive sometimes requires acquiescence.

It's so very wrong.

Strength, friend.

[olddots]

4. Its our job as survivors to share our strength and weaknessses with others

We have to give our selves a break from the memories but never forget them so hopefully somebody else won't have to go thru what we did at all or for as long a time.

this rape culture is a war culture -a war between truth and justice ----we can end the culture of rape by being out front with our stories that are hard to listen too but teach people how to be decent people.

[In_The_Wind]

5. Thank you, olddots.

I'm so tired of men, women, children being told to keep quiet when the rape happens.
To believe that any of their actions made the rape their fault.




Not everyone has reached a place in their healing to go public. I do know some of the DUers who are helping to put an end to the rape culture and slut shaming. Until this group SASS was started by DU none of them knew my true story. It wasn't something we talked about in the past. Now I want to work with them if I can to help put an end to the problem.

[olddots]

6. i don't know when or why the internalizing things started

With men you have to be strong and silent,with women you have to talk about small talk and pleasantries. the result is what we see and it seems to get worse.

Why do we all have to act like bad actors instead of facing the crap in our pasts and moving on ? I have two pasts the one I made up
that's like Leave it to Beaver and the real one that couldn't be on TV even now. hopefully there is some therapist that can help with the images that come back and make me not be me without going to far the other way.

[In_The_Wind]

7. As survivors, we truly do have a heightened sense of awareness which protects us.

I will share a tool that I acquired along the way (some time within the last 15 years):
Find a place where you feel safe, secure, perhaps even record what I am about to suggest ...
Speak words, thoughts about yourself to yourself. The spoken word is far more powerful than thoughts.
Say a few things that you know to be true or false: for myself, I am a femme fatale, An attractive and seductive woman, one who will ultimately bring disaster to a man who becomes involved with me. When in reality I am a woman who attracts men by an aura of charm and mystery. So the lie is that I bring disaster.
I used to say that I was lazy (my second stepmother's words) when in reality I was working smart not hard.

I don't remember most of my early childhood. Until the age of 9 I was sheltered from the world. Now I wonder about that. Was it just because it was easier to keep me away from the problems that happen between children or was it something more. Why was I so willing to trust my stepmother's adult nephew. What is back there before the age of 9.
I don't want to know. All I need at this point is to remember It was not my fault All I ask of you is to do the same. You were a child. You did nothing wrong to trust the adult who hurt you. When I was 9, my aunt passed away. I returned to my father's home. I became the adult while my father cried. I was always told to be strong. I'm tired of always being the one who must be strong for the wrong reasons.

Society has difficulties accepting that a mother or stepmother can be the one who was wrong. Misinformed individuals believe all mothers are beyond reproach. They are not perfect. Becoming a biological mother does not equate one with having wisdom.

Forget about how a man or woman is expected to act.
Just love yourself as you should have been loved from your birth ... innocently.

[olddots]

8. thank you so much

I'm going to come back to what you wrote because it is a positive help.

[In_The_Wind]

9. When I doubt myself, I return to that simple tried and true method.

No matter how many times I have to do it!

[Whisp]

10. I'm not sure what I can do, but if you ask me I will try.

[In_The_Wind]

11. When you feel like talking about what was done, I will listen.

It isn't easy but once your pain is on the outside of you, it no longer owns you.
If it would be more comfortable for you in the beginning, you may send me a PM as some other survivors have done. As you have noticed what is shared with me privately, stays that way. The only exception to that rule is if I truly believe someone may do serious harm to themselves or others.

For myself, I have reached a place in my own healing that I am willing to defend the victims against slut shaming and the rape culture.
I will go to protest and rallies if I know ahead of time. I have someone to share the driving. We will be there. Anywhere in the northeast.

It will be okay. You are not alone.