I 've done as much as I could do to heal

[olddots]

now its time to seek outside help in the form of a therapist . It won't be easy in L.A. or just about anyplace to find someone to talk to about being a male who was sexually abused by their mother. Not too many come forward enough to even tell another soul , I have blown many minds by telling people I was abused .The people ususally shut down and think I'm kidding or in the middle of some joke they don't get or like.......So after calling bout 15 shrinks with no call backs except for a few who immediately started talking money and or insurance in other words it felt like fast food -----give them the money then get your "food" food in my case that might save my life .

Theres a lot of shit you go thru thinking you're worthless because somebody messed with you ,you blot it out and it never gets better ----you dive into it with a doofus that should have gone into real estate and it can get worse.


What I'm asking is how do I even tell some shrink like person what is going on and if they can help when all they make me feel like is a pay check and see you next week bad sit com episode. tune in next week when the pain really kicks in.------oops how time has flown see you next week . I am scared and it hasn't even begun yet -----I have another 15 answer machines to call and then wait for an answer that so far has turned out to make me feel worse and less worthy. Screw it I made it this far whats another few weeks ?

[Behind the Aegis]

1. I have a suggestion.

You may want to call RAINN or Rape Crisis, because they will likely have a list of counselors who will be prepared for a story such as yours. I would start with RAINN since that is their particular area.

It is very frustrating for male survivors of sexual assault, especially incest. Hang in there. Until then, feel free to vent here (and even after you find someone).

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. Check your Inbox. You have mail...n/t

[Sissyk]

3. Just don't give up, olddots!

Keep moving forward. One step at a time.

I encourage you to re-read what BehindTheAegis had to say up above. Good organization.

[In_The_Wind]

4. You have friends here.

I'm not a shrink but I truly do care about you.


You can send me a private message anytime.

[libodem]

5. Sorry that happened to you, brother

I'm watching Dr Phil today and it's setting off all my triggers. I should have turned it off.

[In_The_Wind]

6. What was the show about today?

[libodem]

8. FN predators

And their sickening grooming. Made me cry for the story's victim. Touched a nerve.

[In_The_Wind]

9. I'm so very sorry.

Thanks for sending me a PM. I'm glad you have a grip on things now.
I will always answer anyone in the Sexual Assault Survivors Support Group.

[libodem]

10. Thanks sister

I had a hard day as it was. I'm selling our old family home. I had to meet the new realtor. Oddly my dad had been his AA sponsor 20 years prior. He recalled doing his step work with my father in the family room by the wood stove. I choked a little talking about how they had both come to me to make amends when I was in my twenties. It meant a lot. The drinking and family fights drove a lot of the dysfunction in our family. Which lead the bad stuff that happened to me. Weird karma day.

Then that tv show.

[LadyHawkAZ]

7. My bit of advice FWIW

whoever you wind up with: if you're not completely comfortable with that person as a counselor, don't feel that you need to stick with them. Find someone you are comfortable talking to and whose guidance you will respect. If you don't click with the first one, keep looking. You will do better investing the extra time in finding one you are compatible with.

Once that happens, the ability to talk to them and share what you have gone through will be much easier. Good luck to you.

[olddots]

11. thanks everyone for the support

have an actual appointment weds. at 10 am and I'm really nervous .

When I figured out the abuse the country was in a recovered memory feeding frenzy so I figured I couldn't trust anyone and I could heal myself if I read every damn book about psychology ever written -----that didn't work out too well and the Psych med revolution was in full swing ......Oh well hopefully there is some path out of this movie in my head that only goes away for short intervals.

The worst thing for all of us is that we just want it to go away and for thousands of years the way people did that was to make believe it never happened and be " strong " rape is rape it doesn't matter if someone held you at gun point or cried when they raped your body and soul if you were 3 ,13 or 70 it's something that can't be left to secrets and denial .

this is a taboo subject that scares a lot of people but I'm tired of being afraid and feeling like I'm worthless and in turn being a burden and depressed all the time.

[angstlessk]

12. Good luck, I hope you get the peace of mind you deserve

we never asked for the hell we have been through..this site is as healing as any place you will find!

[FedUpWithIt All]

13. I hope your appt went well.

I know for myself it takes me a few times to feel really comfortable with a therapist but usually you can get a good sense after a single appt. I hope you were able to feel secure.

[Sissyk]

14. Oh yes, FUWIA

Thank you for remembering and kicking this.

Olddots, let me add my support also.

[olddots]

15. it went really well

I was afraid to talk because we get so judged and this is something that nobody wants to hear about unless they know what it's like and the different pains it can set off .

Thanks everybody again and I will keep posting about results .

[Behind the Aegis]

16. Glad it went well.

Take your time.

[FedUpWithIt All]

17. I'm glad to hear it.

[In_The_Wind]

18. I'm happy to hear that you found someone to trust.

Don't stop talking now that you've found the right person to listen.

[olddots]

19. This abuse we went thru is trauma no matter what some people say .

I heard a fool reply when he heard a guy talking about being raped by his mother " Gee I should have been so lucky "

This is how dumb and numb people can be about rape ----it's so uncomfortable to imagine it happening that we run for the cover
of ignorance and hide. Its so painful to think about much less talk about but it helps even when we are told to not talk about it .

Its a chain that we who have suffered can help to break --- a touch chain when we feel so weak but I feel we can do it .
I found out my mother was raped in 1927 ,nobody talked about it then because it wasn't proper so that trauma was intensified and it lead
to 2013 .

Even if it makes me cry and puke I am going to start talking because breaking a chain is hard work.

[In_The_Wind]

20. It is hard work but YOU are the one who will reap the rewards of your labor!