We were both 12.
It was Christmas day and the family was at Grandma's house. My aunt and uncle brought my two cousins. "Brett" was the same age as me and his sister was a few years younger. "Brett had gotten the newest thing that year a cassette recorder". We were all in their playing with it and then the other kids left and it was just "Brett" and I. We took turns recording ourselves and then he said to say f*ck. I didn't really want to but he did and then I did. He said he was going to erase it. Then he said if I didn't let him touch me, he would play the recording in the dining room to Grandma, Mom and all the adults. I was more afraid of my parents hearing me say f*ck than I was afraid of him touching me. But I didn't want it and didn't like it. I was afraid that Grandma or Mom would come in when he was touching me.
And it wasn't just once. We used to go spend the night with Grandma and Grandpa and sometimes all the grandkids would be there and we would all sleep on pallets on the floor. He would come over when everyone was asleep and bother me. This went on for two years. And he kept saying he wanted to "put it in". I told him no. I was afraid I would get pregnant. He said he could "put it in the back." I said no, it would hurt and he didn't try it but continued to demand that I let him touch me. And touch him. And if I didn't he was going to tell. He was going to play the recording.
He started getting more insistent that I let him "put it in" and I finally said to go ahead and play the recording but I thought he would get in as much trouble as me. He went in and played it - and the tape was so degraded that none of the adults understood what we were saying and he couldn't blackmail me any more.
I didn't tell anyone about it. Never. Until finally I told my mother when I was 30. Do you know what she said? "You were just kids. If you ever tell your Grandma I'll make sure you never get any inheritance." I never told Grandma or anyone else for a long time.
Last year, my mother was talking about "Brett" and said that he was sick and could barely walk and I said "Good, I hope he's in a lot of pain". Grandma had passed away so she was no longer worried that Grandma would find out. That's what she always dreaded. I think she didn't understand from what I first told her that it was coerced. Or perhaps her attitude has changed. She told me she was sorry, she didn't understand the situation before.
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