well, maybe i opened a door.
so all this w second son comes against a background of a divorce after a 30 yr marriage, and a complete split in the family.
dad is the hero, and everyone hates me. that has thawed this last year, partly because of all this drama.
things are pretty cordial w the ex, and feelers have been extended to the other kids.
cutting people off until you let them back in is just a thing we do in my big irish family.
i do it myself. not rly talking to my siblings right now.
sometimes the wounds never do heal. when i traced my family tree i found a bunch of aunts and uncles that i never heard a peep about.
but most times, we do. or enough of us do. sometimes that means a tragedy, but sometimes it takes a celebration.
so. since the split in '14, thanksgiving has been the minimal possible thing in my life.
i volunteered a lot of them, had adopted family.
i decided that i am going to do a big deal this year. anyone who can be an adult is invited.
i let the ex know, and graeme.
it'll give me a deadline to take care of some issues w the house. and early warning will give them time for it to sink in.
i failed as a mom in a ton of ways, but 1 thing i def got right is that i gave them siblings.
that saved my life growing up. the bonds get strained sometimes. but they are way tighter than i was w my family.
they're all tired of dealing w their brother, but he is still their brother. that means something to every one of them. there are wounds. he passed along his misery.
but they all know why now. if i can get them all to show up, i know it will lift him up.
i know whether they admit it or not, they want to be back in this house, too.
it's always been a work in progress, and there have been changes that some of them didnt see.
there's a few small projects on the to-do-list that i know will make my heirs happy.
so, not sure how far this gets him, but it cant be a bad thing to wrap him up in home and family for a bit.
= new reply since forum marked as read
Offering good things to talk about, ways to reconnect. Sounds like a good plan, and a deep kindness for your son. Show them how it’s done. 
