maintain friendships and supportive relationships after a divorce. But that's not always the case.
I've mentioned before here on DU that I had an abusive marriage to a man who threatened to kill me and tried a few times. On the steps of the courthouse after the divorce hearing he told me that no matter how long it took, he would someday kill me because if he couldn't have me, nobody could.
I remarried and moved out of state. My parents were the only relatives who knew where I was and how to reach me because the more people who knew, the greater the risk that my ex might track me down.
About 5 years later, when my father's sister died, I was not able to get back to my home town for her funeral. I learned later that my ex had shown up during visiting hours at the funeral home. He was never close to my aunt or her husband and had never even met her grown children. He told people that he was there to give emotional support to me for when I showed up.
My father ordered him to leave or be escorted out by police. And never show up again at any family event or he'd take care of him without calling police.
A few years after that, my sister died. I was in the 3rd car of the procession from the funeral to the cemetery, behind my parents and behind my brother and his wife. All the cars in the procession had little funeral flags and our headlights on. A police car led the procession and a motorcycle cop rode alongside the cars to ensure that surrounding traffic waited for us to pass.
Just as my car came to an intersection, another car darted out from a side street in front of us and angled as if to cut us off from the procession or, perhaps, to line up in the procession ahead of us.
The motorcycle cop quickly cut off the intruding car and escorted it to the side street.
Yes, it was my ex, again trying to use a family funeral to get access to me.
Later that same year, he died, in his 40s. I did not go to his funeral. I did not send condolences to his family. It would not have been socially appropriate for me to express to them that I was so relieved to hear of his death.
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