A Wild Turkey Is Attacking People in D.C. Multiple Agencies Are in Pursuit.

[Cheezoholic]

15. BREAK*This is a level 5 alert*BREAK

There is a newly discovered side affect of self testicalization.....

Advisory- cease all self testicalized attempts at testosterone elevation via the Turkey Carlson method until reading this advisory

An anomaly has occurred with a Turkey Carlson nut tanner session that has gone awry. The anomaly has escaped from the basement of a Chetsnuts on Fire pizzeria in Wooshington DC that houses a patriotic biolab where Wall St. executives pay to have their testicals milked of testosterone by Howler Monkeys specifically trained by Matt Mengele in order to share and spread their patriotic virility. However the program has been temporarily halted.

According to Matt Mengele the original program dubbed "TIRE" (Testosterone Infused Reproductive Enlightenment) was working but medical histories were beginning to show that the "dominant testronics" began realizing lower Testosterone levels.

In order to combat this threat of a potential "estrogenic" attack on all we hold true the decision was made to use the smartest and most advanced tech available. Stephen Goebbels along with Mike Himmler authorized the use of the powerful Gosar 64 computing system at the behest of Matt Mengele who objected to silicon over flesh.

Simulations were performed with the Gosar 64 before the system was put in place, all looked well. The introduction of the Turkey Carlson nut tanner powered by the Gosar 64 system seemed to be the answer to give all potential "testronics" the levels needed to rightfully dominate.

But, there was a problem. In an amazing advancement of technology, the Gosar 128. So thinking it would be twice as powerful, 2x's as powerful readers! instead of the Gosar 64's being shipped with the Turkey Carlson nut tanners, the newer Gosar 128 was shipped. And this is where the anomaly lies, was spotted and must be denied. This is the reason for this bulletin

We now know every nut tanned will turn into a wing! This means every ball sack tanned will be turned into a pair of wings! Please for the love of all that is testorongenic, don't be a wing nut!