'Biblical' rainfall leaves streets of Sheffield flooded

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1. Ruins of sunken city in South Yorkshire 'just Sheffield', archeologists told

https://rochdaleherald.co.uk/2019/11/09/ruins-of-sunken-city-in-south-yorkshire-just-sheffield-archeologists-told/

Archeologists have been left disappointed today after being told that the ruins of an ancient sunken city was actually just Sheffield.

Archeologist Bill Board told us, “It was very exciting initially because we thought we had found an ancient city. There were some ruins and 4 people laid in various positions. One had managed to fashion primitive tools from papyrus and rocks. Then it was pointed out that we were actually looking at the old Castle Market and those people were just off their heads on spice.”

Elsewhere the archeologists were disappointed to discover that the remains of a large battle between different tribes was actually just the car park at Centertainment. “We really thought we’d found a clash between 2 vast armies in a life or death struggle. Immediately we were asking why they had gone to war? Who were these people? Then it turned out some chavs from Barnsley had had a fight with some chavs from Neepsend over who looked at who the dirtiest.”

Elsewhere, First Bus company has been quick to refute allegations that 4 people dressed in ancient robes have been waiting for the 51 bus to arrive since 1500 BC.