I'm an old woman now, but wonder if I missed

[angstlessk]

out on my life.

One thing I remember my mother telling me is that the only time she wanted her daughter to die is if she was a lesbian..

Didn't mean much to me at the time, but.

I was raped at eleven, and because I accepted beer from my rapists my mother blamed me for being raped. I turned into nymphomaniac..not that I enjoyed sex, I had it with anyone willing.

Then I joined AA and met a group of gay women, with whome I had sex with one.

I never had friends, but I enjoyed their friendship.

I left AA and that was the end of my gay encounters, though I think they were where I belonged, as I never felt like I belonged any where else.

I just wish I went with my instincts, rather than my mothers hatred.