There's that casual way younger people relate to each other through college years gets more guarded with wisdom.
I ended up isolated all over again. The same frightening isolation I'd worked so hard to shatter after a homeless experience in youth. The early AIDS epidemic stole them all away. Jason, Ted, Steven, Jerry and sweet, loving Eldon all only pictures in an old, worn photo album. My whole crew. Every one of them helped me off the street, kept me fed, laughing and warm through my college years in the city.
I've had co-workers in the hundreds, 2 selfish romantic interests I never want to see again. But real friends who would keep touch? Tumbleweeds.
Not from a lack of trying to develop a circle: I don't drink, do drugs, never much of the social butterfly: that was Eldon's job. Never had good coordination for competitive athletics. Only me and my dogs 🐕 gets me some reprieve from loneliness chatting with strangers at a dog park.
I can't count the number of times I've dead-ended developing connections via an "I've got enough friends already, thanks" type attitude (and BTW, that's really a quote) There's the air of having been so long isolated through an unexceptionally bulliied youth exception of those college years that throws up some sort of barrier I can't breach. Only a few have discovered why I'm sort of quirky.
My place is so isolated that I leave the fencing breachable so if that big heart attack gets me, the dog can get out and find someone. But I'd probably be 20 years dead before someone finds me here.
Dammit, here I go again spilling my heart out on social media.
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