How do you know when it's time for your spouse who has dementia, to be

[applegrove]

30. We kept our parents in their apartment with around the clock care

Last edited Wed Feb 21, 2024, 12:48 AM - Edit history (1)

so they could stay together. Even with all that help we were forever fixing one issue after another (widening doors for a wheelchair, putting up a poll by the bed so they had something to grab onto, nursing care that came with the building, etc... ). My sister did most of the problem solving. When my mom died my dad's name came up in a local nursing home vacancy and since he was such a big guy and when he would fall we had to get firemen or ambulance people to lift him back up (he never broke a bone as he had really strong bones) I think the city wanted him in a nursing home so he didn't use up city resources. So we moved him. He had fun from the get go and started speaking French to the staff (we never knew he could speak French but he had a summer job in the wilds of Quebec with a lumber survey crew when he was 17 or so). All of the problems were solved from the moment he moved in. Everything was onsite. The stress level went down for all of us. He was fine with the move and had a really nice view of the city and hills in the distance. The food was simple but good. It was a great experience (except for lockdown during covid). He lived there for 7 years till he passed. He had a feisty health care aide or two. They kept him laughing. We brought in home cooked dinner on Sunday nights. He had a single room. It was the best decision for everyone. He didn't have much dementia so he was different than your husband. We had picnics outside with lobster sandwiches, vichyssoise and strawberries and cream. There was a dock by the water where you could feet the ducks and geese. He had a prescription for one alcoholic beverage a day and hardly used it. As he aged he was on mushy food and seemed sad. My brother died. They gave him meds for depression. It is what you make of it and depends on what your resources are and if you have the time. Lots of people visited their loved one once a day. Some people rarely had guests.

My grandfather had altzheimers and was put in a nursing home 35 years earlier. He was so upset to be away from granny he lashed out. Then he was committed to an asylum in a small town 1.5 hours away where he got the best geriatric treatment. Coincidently it was located on the same street as where he grew up. I think they can better handle bad behavior with meds these days.

Hope you get lots of takes and ideas of what to do.