How do you know when it's time for your spouse who has dementia, to be

[peggysue2]

31. My sister's partner came to the same crossroad

He called me and asked for advice, guidance. It was a painful conversation but he had done everything for my sister, was the best partner she could have ever had--loving, kind and extraordinarily gentle. Still, he was at the end of his rope. The moment came when the disease was simply overwhelming. He had help but any help is temporary in nature and my sister had become violent and really a 24/7 project. There was little sleep, constant threats and just endless chaos.

I told him that he would do my sister no favors if he fell apart physically or emotionally. She was definitely at the stage where a facility geared toward late-stage Alzheimer's was appropriate, necessary for her well-being and his.

He found a facility about 30 minutes from their home which meant he could visit everyday, nearly 'round the clock. She was well taken care. She died 10 days later.

I've been a caretaker. I know how unbelievably difficult it is, how utterly exhausting. I think for all of us in similar situations, we end up making a personal decision about the care we can give, maintain and continue which truly benefits the patient in our care and our own endurance.

It's really hard. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Just know that whatever decision you ultimately make, there are no judgments at the end. It's a matter of what's best for your husband as well as yourself.

Sending blessings in your direction.