This may be it

[femmedem]

55. I'm glad it helps a little to see so many people rooting for you and trying to help.

No one wants or expects anything in return. Imagine if you and your beloved's places were reversed, and you thought perhaps he would never work again or be able to contribute financially. You would do everything to save him without a thought of it ever being repaid, right?

It's hard to love yourself as you love him because of your depression, but you deserve the same love, and that is why so many people are trying to help you tonight.

I'm relieved that even though you are right on the edge, it sounds as if you aren't going to hurt yourself tonight.

Btw, when my fiance died by suicide I was thirty-five. The only reason I didn't kill myself too is that I knew how devastating it would be to my parents. So i didn't kill myself, but I didn't do anything to sustain myself either. I mean, I didn't eat for a month. I didn't know how I would survive each moment because the pain was so immense. But I would take a breath and say, "I survived that moment and this is as bad as it is going to get. I can survive the next moment, too." The loss will never go away, but I did reach the point where I was glad to be alive. And I still am.