This may be it

[OldBaldy1701E]

84. Well, let me explain.

I had just helped my mate get our shepherd/husky mix out of the back of the truck (he was around 60 lbs at the time). They were by the drivers side when I walked away from the vehicle and towards a path that I saw was headed down towards the lake. It was as I approached the path when this happened. Neither my mate nor our dog was anywhere near me. (It is very unlikely that they were able to see our dog or to even see where I had come from at that moment, as the path was a slope and they were coming up the path towards the parking lot, but I cannot rule out that they did notice.) I was confused and after they ran off I looked around to see if anything else had created that reaction. There was no one else around, with or without dogs. I returned and asked my mate if he had seen what happened. He had witnessed it and was confused as to why they had done what they did. I told him it had to have been my approach. I spooked them for some reason. This was just the first incident that day and where I started to learn about the people up here. I am well aware that it was their stupidity, but I live up here among them and if not one of them will even be a casual acquaintance then I am resigned to sit here basically alone all the time. There is nothing for me to do if I cannot make friends to do things with. My mate works nights, and therefore he is asleep for most of the day. So, I sit. Alone. With nothing to do and no one to do it with if I had something to do. I am not 'intimidated' by anyone up here. I am disgusted. As another transplant up here once said, "A Minnesotan will give you directions to anywhere except their house!". I have found this to be absolutely true. I have to get away from here. I cannot. I cannot go into the particulars of my situation, but we basically jumped in over our heads (despite my warnings) and are now trapped in a part of town that we cannot afford. We have no way to move out. Just getting away from this house would be a good start. But, when your mate has a 15 year career tossed out like garbage because some faceless corporation decides to completely revamp their corporate model, during a lockdown, and then having that person forced to return to that same company on a part time basis, that person starts having panic attacks and the like. I cannot handle my own issues, how in the hell can I hope to help the man I love? I can offer nothing... no money, no work ability, no miracles... nothing. He does not need my 'love', he needs someone to save us. I am not that person. Thence, I should remove myself from the issue so that he can find a way out of here. I can offer nothing to help this situation. Why take up resources? Why continue to drain him? I don't get why this is not reasonable. I do not need a twelve step program. I need to find a way to do the little that I can do and get paid for it. I am not the one who places supreme importance on money, but I live in a society that does. What else can one do if one cannot make any of the one thing that allows you to survive? Again, I am not the one who has made that little green piece of paper GOD in this country. But, I know I cannot make any of it anymore. Oh, and so far, out of six feelers I put out to law firms who specialize in Social Security cases... not one peep. Nothing. I am not surprised. Such cases are intentionally placed so far down the list of importance to the ruling elite that I expected this. We also lose SNAP on the 2nd. They are so far behind that we have no idea when or even if we will get it back. My mate works part time because that is all he can do right now thanks to suffering from having to deal with learning the hard way why you should never trust a corporation in any way.