An illusion created by someone else and one that we did not know about until it was way too late. The story is long and old. But, we cannot move because we cannot afford it.
I have tried to make friends around here for the past six years. They are not interested. No one around here is. I am an old actor/writer/director/singer/musician/writer/tech guy who is gay and likes to party. It appears that no one over the age of 30 is supposed to be doing this. Not that I can do much of it anymore anyway. But, I cannot find anyway to connect with anyone around my age or up because they are home owning, middle class, family type people. I am the antithesis of that lifestyle. Seems anyone not in that lifestyle and/or not younger than 30 is some kind of freak and should be shunned.
My attempt at a life failed. I had my shot. Now it is time to make room for those who can actually get things done to better life here. I have nothing else to offer because no one wants what I have to offer. Probably because it all amounted to shit. Back when I was younger, I could at least do the usual wage slavery to earn money while I was trying to create my life. Now, it has no worth or meaning and I cannot be a wage slave, so why should I linger only to suffer more? It makes no sense.
(BTW, my back is all but ruined and a good part of it is because of my writing days. Hunched over a typewriter for hours because I did not want to lose the flow of thought. As usual, it all amounted to nothing.)
Oh, I will never put another SSID or the like in my body again. I lost enough mental clarity, not to mention other abilities, thanks to those things. There is no joy in anything for me any more. It sucks, but it is not like I can just 'decide' to stop suffering from mental illness (as some very enlightened souls have told me to do in the past. "You just need to be more positive!". Gee, thanks. I will get right on that! 
I do appreciate your attempts to be helpful. I really do. It is more than anyone is doing around here.
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